AIBU to think people can't believe some people have no-one?

[Prole]

Just had to turn down an operation as I wouldn't be able to look after myself during the recovery period. They were incredulous. I see other people in the same boat in the world - doesn't anyone else?

I have that problem at work. 'Who is your Emergency Contact?'
'I don't have anyone.'
'It just needs to be a friend or family member who can come and get you if you feel ill or have an accident'
'I don't have anyone.'
'No-one AT ALL?'
'No. Thanks for rubbing it in'

I'm in exactly this boat right now! Dd of 2.5, 18 weeks pregnant and in hospital. Family 120 miles away who work. Ex p a selfish arse. Few friends but all either work or have children of their own. The only advice I've been given is to stay in hospital and social services will find temporary foster care for dd which is scary and not what I want at all but what do you do?

Would your finances extend to a cleaner? And you can get an Internet shop delivered. Depending on where you are you could use companies like www.cookfood.net which are wonderful

In this situation I wouldn't have anyone either.
I have a few friends but none of them are geographically close or capable of providing the kind of support this situation would require.

Before you have hip surgery you can ask for an Occupational Therapy assessment who will assess for any equipment you might need post-op to help your independence. There are Intermediate care teams in most areas who can visit up to 3x daily when you are discharged home to help you rehab back to independence and assist where needed with personal care/meals etc. Can you internet shop and stock up on easy microwave meals etc to get you through. If your recovery is slow you could be moved from acute hospital to rehab hospital until ready for home.

Imustgodown - I have the same thing! My contact number ended up being the person who insisted on me providing one. Not sure how that happened. They're long since retired anyway.

And Harry - I did think of that but questioned my ability to collect from front door and get it to the kitchen. I've just thought of a one-legged man I knew who was a phenomenal hopper - could clear several feet in a bound. If had that most of his life, I'm sure I can manage for a few weeks. Best get practising!

I work within the nhs and onky one person in my years had no one! They were sent to a private home by the sea to recover. Think the person paid. Very, very unusual to have no one. If you no one talk to your gp. Seek out help. You be surprised whats in the community...

Could we set up a mumsnetters carers network for people in your situation? People say where they're from and how far they're prepared to travel and what support they're happy to provide (such as making a dinner or helping out with a school run) and it's logged somewhere and people can tap in if needed?

YANBU. I was told that I wouldn't be able to have essential cancer prevention surgery and go home the same day if there was going to be no-one there to help and keep an eye on me.

The alternatives were to not have the surgery and let the cancer come back and kill me or to leave my kids home alone for 24 hours, so I lied.

I know what you mean op I also don't have anyone no family few friends busy with own families and ex is a very nasty piece of work and only interested in his new family. Its so hard in these situations especially as a single parent. And it really doesn't help to get the look and the" really no one you must have someone everybody does "no they flipping don't aaaargh

but previous people have given gd advice about places to get support I really hope it goes ok with your op.

Beancalledpickle - my finances do not extend to any extra costs. I can accept cleaning and personal hygiene going to pot but food is a biological necessity. That's my only concern based on the last time - one armed as I was, I reminded myself I was still mobile whenever I got glum. I've probably built this up in my head a bit too much.

Without being ungrateful for all your helpful replies, I am interested why people struggle to believe isolation when we all know it happens. Or maybe many don't?

Very very unusual gee thanks. Perhaps not that unusual after all hey?

I'm in North Essex if I can be anyone's someone.

If you order online from Tesco or Ocado they will bring the shopping to your kitchen.

Is it that people struggle to comprehend things outwith their own comfortable little bubble? [part cynicism/part honest question]

There was a thread a few weeks ago about someone who couodn't believe that not every mum was a good mum. Maybe this is the same - the idea that it is possible to end up lonely self-sufficient is too scary and must be denied.

I'm in Coventry. The biggest pain in the arse for me is trying to buy stuff fro IKEA that needs 2 people to carry. (1st world problem!) Would be happy to offer lifting-and-carrying help!

I don't know where in the country you are but, if you are near me (Surrey) I would be glad to help in whatever way I can.

I too, know what it is like to have no one!!

I've used Tesco who will sometimes come to the flat door but usually to the door of the block. (Ocado minimum order quite high for a single person). Take aways never beyond street level. I think it might be different for flats (in London - potential robbery is the reason I've been given).

But the situation has now gone from impossible to possible to thanks to you all again.

Given the number of people who move for work, it doesn't surprise me, and I would assume that there will be plenty of people who have this apply to them, even if it is a temporary situation. We moved to the US. If something happens to DH and I, we do now have friends, but didn't know people well enough for the first couple of years. DDs school were quite insistent at one point, until I pointed out that it would take over 24 hours for family to get there if they couldn't get hold of DH or I.

What do people think happens to single parents who move for work? It's one of the big psychological background worries of single parents, that 'what if' scenario, where you don't know what might happen if you suddenly got sick.

I hate an emergency appendectomy a while back, and even with DH, who had to rush out of work, we ended up with just dumping DD with a neighbour while he got me to hospital, then he dumped me at A&E to rush back to DD. Without him, she'd have been sitting on the floor in the ER until midnight.

I can't see why it's beyond the understanding of some people that we don't all have family sitting around waiting to be our back-up, just in case.

Waitrose do delivery from them direct and the minimum order isn't too bad with free delivery. Their delivery guys will always go the extra mile. Are you in London OP?

If you pay the subscription thingy on Ocado the limit is £40 and they'll bring it into kitchen and put on counters so you don't have to bend down.

I am in London - zone 1. £40 is quite a large shop for me. My food bill this week will be about £18. Pork chops/sausages and cabbage feature heavily on the menu.

With the media attention surrounding the sad tale of Joyce Vincent or the still unidentified and unclaimed male corpse from the Kings Cross tube fire, I'm just a bit surprised the 'it doesn't really happen' idea persists.

kickassangel I had the same problem with DS's preschool here in the US. I tried explaining that we hadn't been in the country very long and didn't know anyone well enough to burden them with collecting DS in an emergency, but his teacher just looked at me like I had two heads. I felt really awkward and embarassed.

There must be loads in this position op. I have friends but no close family and no one who could stay with me for 24 hours after my gallbladder op other than my H. As we were on the verge of separation I wasn't sure how things would be between us and told the hospital at my pre op appointment (about a month before the actual op). I was allowed home same day with 24 hour supervision otherwise would have to stay in hospital. The nurse gave this option. She also said it didn't have to be the same person for 24 hours. As it was he did help.
In terms of food, could you stock up the cupboards and freezer and then do an online shop? Have a think how you could adapt your kitchen to make life easier. A chair to sit at to eat if you don't have one already for example and can't carry. Make up some ready meals. The rehab team might be able to help. Try your gp or social services. There might be equip to help. Good luck op. Hope you get something sorted.

The red cross offer a home from hospital service.

www.redcross.org.uk/en/What-we-do/Health-and-social-care/Independent-living/Support-at-home

The O.T & Physio on the ward should assess you on the stairs after your op & also practise car transfers with you,

I knew a young lady that hired a static caravan for 2 weeks on a Hoseasons site, for some rest after her hip op, & also so she would be on one level, but thats not cheap!

Tesco is £25 minimum spend for delivery,

Make sure you have enough pain relief for home, also loose jogging bottoms, slippers that are easy to put on, so you are not bending all the time.

Good luck for when you have the op, it will be worth it,