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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my little boys tablet away.

120 replies

Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 15:56

My DS is 6, last night he played on his tab for an hour before bed and when I went up to ask him to get off of it at 9pm he did so, and proceeded to lay down and I tucked him in and went off to my own room to join sleeping DH.

When my DD woke at 12am I got up to see to her and caught my DS on his tab - he must of sneaked on to it!
Anyway he was obviously tired this morning and when I picked him up from school the teacher said he was out of character and he pinched a child in his class - I am mortified! I look like an awful parent now, having a child who acts like that.

Now I know if I take this tablet away before bed, he will scream blue murder and kick the bed and walls for hours on end tonight, I'm worried of the neighbours phoning SS or something (we live on a nice road, we are the only ones with children so a crying child stands out)

Agh I am so stressed!

OP posts:

jaynebxl · 28/04/2015 18:50

OP you've done really well and had some great advice. Just wanted to add a couple of things. Firstly don't feel bad about following through on a punishment. Fair discipline is really good for children if we want them to be the best they can be. Secondly if and when he has access to his tab again please tell him it is on for downstairs use. We are sticking to this with ours because I don't want to find that at 13 they're hidden away in their bedrooms watching porn!

OTheHugeManatee · 28/04/2015 20:10

I'm a bit wtf at the snark and troll hunting on this thread The OP asked a parenting question. Isn't that what MN is supposed to be for? Thank god there have been some empathetic and sincere replies, there have also been some properly unpleasant ones, completely unwarranted too as far as I can see.

mikado1 · 28/04/2015 20:57

Sorry-I haven't read full thread-but it seems to me you're more worried about what others think than the misbehaviour-mortified at school, panicked about him saying you're mean. Once you are enforcing limits and dealing with misbehaviour in a way you're happy with I would forget the others, otherwise you sound too worried to make any changes. I would talk to him during the day about how he has 30mins and then hand over. I would let him get upset-that's ok, you can't avoid that forever and we all get upset. He needs to learn to deal with it with your help if necessary but stick to the handover!!! Your expectation of this working will make a huge difference. And decide to stay calm throughout. Discuss the plan ahead each day so he has fair warning and stick with it. You could move the bedtime earlier by saying you have thought about taking tablet but he can have it once he's in bed by (maybe 30mins earlier? ). He is likely to tantrum if not delirious with tiredness. I had a tgread about tantrums and people were tough on me but I don't give in and my ds recovers quickly himself and knows the situation stands. Good luck, you can do it, take control back and believe you are in charge!

mikado1 · 28/04/2015 20:59

*less likely to tantrum

1Morewineplease · 28/04/2015 21:12

Cripes!!! I never let my children do any computer games/tablet stuff during the week!!! I must be a hard mum!!! I've never had this problem... I just never introduced them to this stuff as a norm!!! Take the tablet away!!!!! Children shouldn't have free rein to this kind of thing unsupervised!!! Am reminded of my sixth form niece who googled "Venus Di milo" for sixth form art and was presented with endless images of bestiality!!! You are the parent!!!!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/04/2015 21:12

y'know looking at the reaction to your new found assertiveness, wonder if he was just pushing the boundaries and is happier having some rules, emotionally easier to cope at that age when parents set the boundaries. well done, parenting is not always an easy and joy filled ride.

CrapBag · 28/04/2015 21:32

"I guess I give in too much for an easier life"

Yes I could have guessed that unfortunately.

It's great that you have taken it away. I would have done that after the second tantrum.

My DS is 7 and we were finding his attitude appalling a little while ago and some of it was triggered around a tablet. We had attitude if he was told he couldn't have it (it is very restricted when and how long he can have it anyway) and attitude when he was told to switch it off. In the end he was told he wasn't having it anymore. After a while we let him back occasionally when he promised he'd switch it off straight away etc and he was Fi e at first. Then one time the attitude came back and it was gone again. Now its a rare treat. He knows full well he will lose it. The only times I let him go on is for a bit after school to wind down.

My dad's ex had a child before he met her. He uesed to throw tanturms, kick and punch and be generally very difficult to deal with. She was incapable of ever sticking to a punishment would give in all the time and treat him when he didnt deserve it. He threw his playstation at the wall, breaking it so she went and bought him a new one! As a result he was uncontrollable and a horrible horrible child, around her, no problems when he was not around her. It's always important to set firm boundaries and stick to them. Children thrive on this.

Don't worry about what your d's may say to others. Mine have said I have done or said things that aren't true. All children do it.

ouryve · 28/04/2015 21:55

1Morewineplease I think you actually need to step away from the wine!!!!!!!!!

And Google has safe search settings. Even grown adults use them if they don't want to risk having to use the brain bleach, so I'm surprised your niece wasn't using them.

maninawomansworld · 28/04/2015 22:06

Kids actually LIKE boundaries and so long as punishments are fair, consistent and related to the bad behaviour they DO work.
If a child is tantrumming over a tablet and the parent is too spineless / wooly to remove said tablet then frankly they deserve to have to put up with the tantrums.
never ever give in to kids - YOU are the boss not the,!

SouthWestmom · 28/04/2015 22:21

So he doesn't eat the same as you all usually? Is this actually undiagnosed additional needs or too much of saying yes for an easy life? Once you have three younger ones it's going to be really hard not to let him do what he wants for an easy life - you and your dh need to do something now. Either parenting course through school of discussion with GP about any needs he has.

hidingfromthem · 28/04/2015 22:22

good on you, OP.
keep it up - you're absolutely doing the right thing.

liveloveluggage · 28/04/2015 22:55

People saying go on a parenting course sounds a bit like you are failing in some way, but it is all about learning some new skills. You wouldn't feel bad to go on a cooking course or gardening or dog training and this is no different. But if you prefer you can learn through books and online, that's what I prefer. It depends how you like to learn and get support.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 28/04/2015 23:16

It sounds like your DS is very much in control and he knows it. And he knows how to push your buttons...throw and tantrum and she'll give in. You really shouldn't worry so much about what other people think of you or what teachers might think of you if he says something in school. My son is 6 and I talk to his teacher a lot about his behaviour at home so they know we go through and do at home so that they can also support it in school. They will be on your side.

It's been said already but you really need to enforce some discipline and some boundaries. Children need it and deep down they want it...they need your guidance. You are the parent and you need to be in control...you need to be firm and you need to be consistent and you need to ALWAYS follow through on punishments. If you don't, he won't believe you when you do make a threat. Good books I refer to time and time again are 1,2,3 Magic and How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk (or something like that!). Really helpful advice in there and I genuinely think they have helped me become a better mum.

A 6yo doesn't need his own tablet. My son is allowed to have a play on ours at weekends only because I know that he would very easily become addicted...he has that kind of personality.

Very recently I fell into the cycle of letting him watch too much TV and his behaviour deteriorated...stropping, stamping his feet, shouting and being rude. His behaviour is so much worse if he has too much screen time. So I'm doing a little experiment at the moment and I've banned all screens during the week and the difference in his behaviour (once he'd finished shouting about it being unfair) is amazing, both due to the fact that he's not staring at a box and also because I'm making more of an effort to do something with him after school. He absolutely thrives on 1-1 time with me. I sit down and play lego with him, do some colouring, play a board game or top trumps, or have a kick around with him in the garden and he really really loves it and is a much nicer boy that he was about a month ago. Do you think that maybe some quality time together for you and your DS might improve things?

Good luck. Parenting is bloody hard work but you can do this!

CaptainSubtext · 28/04/2015 23:28

YANBU. I have put very strict rules in place for my DCs. Some children can self regulate, and actually I think my DS would, but there's no way in hell my DD could. She also doesn't sleep well, and has major anxiety which we are trying to get help for.

Hathall · 28/04/2015 23:33

Op banning the tablet totally is probably the best thing for your ds at the moment.
I had to ban screens for my kids on weekdays as they were having meltdowns.
Their behaviour improved immensely. They started chatting more, looking at books more, playing with Lego, drawing and just generally making my life a lot more calmer. Obviously it's not as idyllic as it sounds but it was a hundred times better than the constant begging, whining, arguing and tantrums over screen time.
I think some children can't deal well with the stress and over stimulation that comes from gaming and screens. They're much better off without it.
Stick to your guns and you'll all be much better off a couple of weeks down the line. Good luck!

hampsterdam · 29/04/2015 00:17

I'm sure he doesn't enjoy kicking off and screaming, he has learnt that it gets him what he wants. My ds tried it when he was about 3 kicking a screaming for a bag of sweets, kicking and screaming gets you nowhere and nothing in this house and he learnt that pretty quick. Well done for making a start now stick to it, any moaning about tablets none the next day and no way should it be in the bedroom. You have given in for an easy life but actually it's not that easy is it?

BaronVonShush · 29/04/2015 00:27

I was told by paediatrician that there shouldn't be any screen time at least an hour before bed. To do with blue screen and letting yourself unwind or summat.
DS1 and DD used to have unlimited access to TV, ipad etc. And that is ALL they did. I got fed up with it and now they are only allowed unlimited access on Sundays, that's it. Any other time they ask and I answer, its not sunday so No.
It took a week or so, but they got used to it.
Your DS does sound like he needs a good night sleep and he obviously knows that he getting a reaction from you when he shouts and screams. So, if you are worried about the neighbours, could you warn them that you will be implementing a new ipad regime so apologise in advance for the noise? Staying calm, repetition of basic facts e.g. "the ipad is only on sundays" (in my case) without trying to placate him might take the wind out of his sails a bit?

BaronVonShush · 29/04/2015 00:34

Ha ha, I didn't realise how long the thread was! Well done on the new rules, keep going. I find it so wearing saying "no" a lot, but I have definitely found that you give an inch and they take a mile... so in the long run it is easier to have rules.

MiaowTheCat · 29/04/2015 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

popalot · 29/04/2015 08:07

no tablets in bedroom. It's like putting cake next to his bed and expecting him not to eat it. You should have total control over it and also not have it internet connected unless you are on it together. Parental controls are very limited on android.

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