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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my little boys tablet away.

120 replies

Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 15:56

My DS is 6, last night he played on his tab for an hour before bed and when I went up to ask him to get off of it at 9pm he did so, and proceeded to lay down and I tucked him in and went off to my own room to join sleeping DH.

When my DD woke at 12am I got up to see to her and caught my DS on his tab - he must of sneaked on to it!
Anyway he was obviously tired this morning and when I picked him up from school the teacher said he was out of character and he pinched a child in his class - I am mortified! I look like an awful parent now, having a child who acts like that.

Now I know if I take this tablet away before bed, he will scream blue murder and kick the bed and walls for hours on end tonight, I'm worried of the neighbours phoning SS or something (we live on a nice road, we are the only ones with children so a crying child stands out)

Agh I am so stressed!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/04/2015 16:34

If he's using it up to 9pm I'm not surprised he's difficult to get to sleep. If he's smirking I suspect he knows he's very much in control. I doubt very much if any neighbour will think badly of you for putting boundaries in place.

finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 16:34

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 16:36

Thank you, well I've sat him down in the dining room and have informed him I am dissapointed in his actions today, that I have spent 6 years giving in to his pleas and from today I am the mummy and he listens to me, then I will listen to him in reason.

I have asked him to write a letter of apology to his teacher and classmate regarding the pinching.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 16:37

Finnbarr can you just take your rude self elsewhere, I'm really not in the mood for imbeciles today!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/04/2015 16:38

So are you going to take the tablet off him?

Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 16:40

I have, I told him until I can trust that he has learnt that he cannot control me and Dad, he will not be having it.

OP posts:
curlyweasel · 28/04/2015 16:41

I agree with Morelike - perhaps you need to introduce a new routine in the lead up to bedtime (no tv/screens etc after 6pm, reading a book together or doing some quiet alternative, bath, drink and bed). It sounds like you're having a tough time, but remember you're in charge of what happens, not DS. Speak with your HV - he/she should have ideas about who might be able to help. Good luck.

liveloveluggage · 28/04/2015 16:42

"Basic parenting" can be stressful sometimes especially if you have a strong willed child. Its all very well to say let him tantrum for hours if that's what it takes, but a lot harder to do.

finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 16:43

Oh dear, how rude op, I'm cut to the quick Grin. I'll post wherever I like honey

ilovesooty · 28/04/2015 16:43

It will be nice if he can have a different routine before bed I think. Less stressful for everyone. I hope your husband will help too.

tiredoutgran · 28/04/2015 16:44

I have to admit that taking the tablet off the 4yo, and allowing him it as a treat rather than all the time, has been the best decision ever! I had the tantrums when I told him he couldn't bring it upstairs at all, even worse when it was constantly 'flat' but after a few days he forgot about it. All of a sudden he was playing with his toys again and not asking for the tablet at all.

I love the tablet, I love how he could practice his reading on it (he is autistic and will not read books but will work on reading eggs on the tablet quite happily) I loved the peace I got when he was happy playing on it rather than hitting his sisters or the dog. The obsession with it was unhealthy and I am glad that I made the tough decision to stop it.

finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 16:45

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MyLovelyHorse123 · 28/04/2015 16:45

Does a six year old really need a tablet?

liveloveluggage · 28/04/2015 16:46

Op I quite like this book [[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Divas-Dictators-Secrets-Having-Behaved-ebook/dp/B0031RS2WC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429991310&sr=1-1&keywords=charlie+taylor divas and dictators]

YouMeddlingKids · 28/04/2015 16:47

Sorry you're having a tough time at the moment OP. Obviously its impossible to say just from posts over the internet, but it sounds as if either:
a) you're finding some aspects of parenting tricky because your child has characteristics that make normal parenting strategies not very effective (e.g. ASD, ADHD, etc, etc), or
b) you have some issues in your life which make it difficult for you to put parenting boundaries into place (e.g. anxiety, past experiences, etc).

Either way I'd really recommend that you go to the GP and tell them that for whatever reason you're finding it tough to put boundaries in for your son, and ask to be referred to a parenting course.

The courses are really helpful, you'll meet lots of other parents who find similar things hard, and will hopefully get to the bottom of why your strategies don't work with your son. There's no shame in asking for help, in fact it makes you a better parent because no one has all the answers!
Good luck

Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 16:48

Thank you, I will order some books and try and get this under control - if not I willcontact the HV for advice x

OP posts:
Footle · 28/04/2015 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grins · 28/04/2015 16:50

Screen time is a bad idea before bed anyway - the light interferes with the body clock, so I would move to no screens for an hour before bed time.

The wider issue is having a child who is manipulating you by behaving badly. I normally run a mile from parenting books, but admit that Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting helped us quite a lot. TBH, it's quite hard to keep yourself in the "zen" place you need to be to do it when your DC is behaving like a monster, but overall is effective.

sparkysparkysparky · 28/04/2015 16:51

You've had a bad one with him. Poor you. I think getting some technical measures to shut it down are a good idea. I think rejigging bedtime is a good idea. You know what can work for you.
Think what you would all realistically like at bedtime and see if you can't get buy in from him that way. Or hide it until he behaves better but he needs to know what better is.

curlyweasel · 28/04/2015 16:51

Yes - Lauren... you have to follow through with it. Keep coming back here for a kick up the bum if you start to waiver/give in... there are plenty of pp on who will be happy to do so Wink x

Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 16:51

Sounds silly I know but it's the furthest I've ever come with enforcing a punishment, it's really helped to hear what others would do. It helps me realise that I am not being a bad mum for telling him off, phew.
Xx

OP posts:
Cadenza1818 · 28/04/2015 16:51

Wow, tablet for a 6 year old, 9pm bedtime, 'dont want to upset him'. I don't know where to begin!

grins · 28/04/2015 16:52

Just seen your update. Good stuff. If he's not kicking off about the tablet, I suspect you are well on the way to a win for the good guys.

liveloveluggage · 28/04/2015 16:54

I like "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" as suggested by a pp, too. You should definitely read it, but I find the systems in divas and dictators were slightly different, but helpful to me.

MyLovelyHorse123 · 28/04/2015 16:54

Glad it's not just me Cadenza...