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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my little boys tablet away.

120 replies

Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 15:56

My DS is 6, last night he played on his tab for an hour before bed and when I went up to ask him to get off of it at 9pm he did so, and proceeded to lay down and I tucked him in and went off to my own room to join sleeping DH.

When my DD woke at 12am I got up to see to her and caught my DS on his tab - he must of sneaked on to it!
Anyway he was obviously tired this morning and when I picked him up from school the teacher said he was out of character and he pinched a child in his class - I am mortified! I look like an awful parent now, having a child who acts like that.

Now I know if I take this tablet away before bed, he will scream blue murder and kick the bed and walls for hours on end tonight, I'm worried of the neighbours phoning SS or something (we live on a nice road, we are the only ones with children so a crying child stands out)

Agh I am so stressed!

OP posts:
LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 28/04/2015 16:55

He absolutely should not have it in his bedroom.

Sit him down and discuss it with him; I would tell him that he can have it max one hour a day but not after 6pm.

If he makes a fuss, he loses screen time.

Also, get him to bed at 7pm, read with him and then let him carry on reading until a bit later. Perhaps take him to the library to chose his own books.

Good luck.

liveloveluggage · 28/04/2015 16:56

Calmer, easier, happier parenting is good too! I have read all these Grin

MrsDeVere · 28/04/2015 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 28/04/2015 16:59

Also wanted to say there's lot of things we do as parents that is in our child's best interest that they dislike. Tonight my dc will have to eat the vegetables on their plate, have a bath and do their homework. They would much rather eat cake, watch cartoons and play computer games!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/04/2015 17:00

I think you need to consider the tablet use overall. Draw up a plan / chart to show when is acceptable time for tablets and when he could / should be doing other things like homework / reading playing with other stuff. tablet use so young can create a whole load of issues if it gets out of hand and tbh it is very easy to give it just for some peace. get a handle on it ASAP and you may find his behaviour changes. I used to work with schools and one school did a whole terms concerted effort to get parents to consider use of 'gadgets' some of the resulting changes in behaviour from some of the class that had been allowed PS2 / 3 and I pods etc was astounding.they became happier and calmer and less aggressive. give it some thought, may help to take a break or a serious cut back in gadget / TV time and certainly before bed, no child needs that sort of stimulation just before sleep time. Books /baths reading and cuddles should be the order of the day after tea.

passmethewineplease · 28/04/2015 17:00

I'd love to have one of these children who go sleep at seven, when I try that my DD just lies there awake and nagging/ coming downstairs for a couple of hours. don't know where she gets her stamina from!

I feel for you OP. I hate when one of mine are asleep and another's tantrum wakes them up.

You're starting in the right direction. Smile

sparkysparkysparky · 28/04/2015 17:04

And AIBU will get you traffic but a lot of sharp comments. Maybe try elsewhere on MN.

liveloveluggage · 28/04/2015 17:05

Yes look on the parenting section.

ouryve · 28/04/2015 17:07

Of course you should take it away and, when he eventually gets it back, he uses it in a public room for a set period of time. If e doesn't like tha, he does without.

CharlesRyder · 28/04/2015 17:07

I would take the tablet away and say to him when he does a week (so 7 consecutive days) of

a) no tantrums about anything
b) in bed with no fuss/ no calling out for you etc. at 7.30pm

then he can have it back for an hour a day, two hours at weekends.

Set him up with a chart or something so he can see how many consecutive days he's clocked up.

If you are trying, and really following through, robust strategies and genuinely nothing is working you need to go to your GP to start looking for underlying issues.

However, you need to stop giving in to him first. It is not being 'mean' it is an absolute act of love.

TheBookofRuth · 28/04/2015 17:29

You know what? It's bloody hard work, parenting. My 3 year old is going through a phase of constantly challenging and pushing boundaries, and frankly, I'm sick of the sound of my own voice, constantly telling her "no!" and "stop that!" and "don't do that!"

But I stick at it because I have seen that consistency works, that even now she is learning that screaming and tantrumming doesn't work and has unpleasant consequences (naughty step, etc).

You have to take control OP, hard though it is. I don't think there's any such thing as an "easy life" with young children!

Footle · 28/04/2015 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen · 28/04/2015 17:39

Kids are tough, OP, and you need to be as well. I'm just a little concerned about how successfully he can make you feel awful about your decisions and how quickly you reverse them. It sounds like you're a people- pleaser and are very anxious to get approval and avoid disapproval. Would you say this is true? Do you have any idea if why this might be if you agree that it is the case?

Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 17:47

Lets hope we can nip this in the bud by July! Anyway I've stuck to my guns, it's been hard but he's completed his letter of apology and is has also eaten tea, chicken korma with veg and rice - I felt on a roll and made him have the same as the rest of us, and he's finished it

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 28/04/2015 17:55

Good for you Lauren. Now stick to it, even if you are tired and can't be arsed. Putting in the hard work with him now will pay off in the future. I say that from experience. Mine tried it all and now are happy older kids/men, who are polite and well thought of in their jobs and college and at home in the family.

SewingAndCakes · 28/04/2015 17:57

Good for you. This could be the push you needed. It may take a while but he'll be better for it when he sees that you're consistently enforcing boundaries.

TummyButtonFluff · 28/04/2015 17:59

Well done. Now stick to it. You're not being horrible - you're being a parent and teaching him to accept boundaries.

SecretSquirrels · 28/04/2015 18:06

He is six. If you can't enforce a few rules with a 6year old fast forward to when he is ten. Then twelve. Then fourteen and bigger than you filled with raging hormones.
Believe me it's possible at six to turn things around but don't wait any longer.

However difficult this is, however much he screams and says he hates you, you must be firm now. You must stick it out and be immune to his reaction.
Personally I would remove the tablet permanently (or at least until he is a good few years older) but that's your decision.

Nellagain · 28/04/2015 18:12

Oh I feel for you op, my 6yo is strong willed too.
I find myself caving in when I'm tired so don't think you aren't the only one to make these mistakes.

What keeps me determined is that I have worked with parents who insist the little darling has to be given everything and allowed disproportionate say in decisions.

There dc are adult now and let's just say it isn't going well. I don't judge them because we all do what we think is for the best. One of them has actually said to me that her one regret is that she did give him everything he asked for.

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2015 18:13

DS is 6. He is currently on Day 3 of a month of having his Hudl taken away for extreme bad behaviour.

I also found him on his Hudl in bed at 11pm. That resulted in a ban for a week.

SometimesTables · 28/04/2015 18:15

maninawomansworld
I'd take it off him for 24 hours and inform him that if he tantrums he'll loose it for 48 hours.
Then if he still continues, escalate it to a week.

Then if he STILL continues he looses it for good.

^^^^^
THIS.

I used this method with my DCs who loved their screen time. They were allowed an hour a day (depending on age etc) and they had to stop when I said so and if they complained at all they lost their computer privilidges for a day....and then a week.

It worked brilliantly and I never actually had to do the week punishment as the knew I would enforce it if needed.

Icimoi · 28/04/2015 18:21

Wow, Lauren, that sounds like really good progress. Stick to it - at some point he is going to try the tantrum tactic, you need to be very firm in demonstrating that it's not going to work.

Original poster
Laurenandthebump4 · 28/04/2015 18:23

The tab is banned for the foreseeable, I hate that thing! I'm sure we will have a few tantrums along the way but hopefully he will forget about it soon x

OP posts:
Fromparistoberlin73 · 28/04/2015 18:23

Some real charming posters here

Aibu at it's worst

My son has crack addict tendencies when it comes to my iPhone . I literally hate it and want to take a hammer to it !

Ignore the judgy posts and use the time lock - or go to parenting where people less nasty

Fromparistoberlin73 · 28/04/2015 18:36

Oh and helpful thread. I have struggles with my my two little boys. I got really offended when my friend suggested a parenting course but to be honest . I think I need some help too

I did business studies . Not 'how to successfully parent 2 boisterous boys' studies !

So op you have helped me too Smile