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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be rocking my 6 month old to sleep?

61 replies

VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 10:30

I need to know if there's other mums out there having the same problem! DS recently turned 6 months and has been a great sleeper, sleeping through the night at 4 months so that's not what concerns me.

I can usually time DS's naps. Roughly he naps every two hours but this can vary with sometimes being a little earlier or later as I can tell when he's cranky. The problem is recently in the past few weeks DS refuses to nap without being rocked, he kicks up, cries, red face and tears until he's rocked but even then if it's not long enough and I set him down the cycle begins all over again, I should also mention DS is a heavy baby, he's 22 pounds but he's a long baby so not chubby, HV said he's a great weight at last weigh in which was grand but after a few minutes of rocking my arms and back are killing me! Blush

I've tried a softer CC for this and let him cry for roughly one or two minutes before going in to pat and comfort him/give him his dummy back and this does work, he'll roll onto his side and sleep but it distresses me so much seeing him cry and seeing his tears and he's teething (already has two bottom front teeth!) so I tend to convince myself that this also makes him fussy with naps. Sad

AIBU to continue rocking him and hope he grows out of it or am I creating a rod for my own back as they say? Genuinely torn with this one!

OP posts:
LetThereBeCupcakes · 27/04/2015 10:34

Well, I seriously hope YANBU as I'm still cuddling / BFing mine to sleep for his naps and he's 2!

I'm one of those "just go with the flow it'll sort itself out in the end" sorts of parents.

I think it's only a problem if you THINK it's a problem. If you're happy, and he's happy - who cares?

Enjoy cuddling your baby.

googietheegg · 27/04/2015 10:34

I was still rocking dd until about
18 months and it was lovely! The rod for your own back thing is bollocks, just old bags justifying their own choices by making you feel bad.

If you can and he likes it, why not? If you can't, don't. Grin

LetThereBeCupcakes · 27/04/2015 10:35

Sorry just re-read that it's causing you back problems so you probably DO want to re-assess.

What about a sling? Or a cuddle together on the sofa? Would that work?

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 27/04/2015 10:35

Will he go to sleep in the pram? Not that there's anything wrong with what you're doing but I imagine it can be a bit limiting and also painful for your back!

Or maybe a rocker or something like that? Just to ease him out of the habit.

BabyTuckoo · 27/04/2015 10:39

I'm another of the 'leave it alone and it will sort itself out in time' school, which has worked very well in our house for weaning, toilet training, sleeping through, the end of naps, the giving up of the sacred dummy etc. But yes, if you're getting back problems and are in regular pain, you need to figure out how to change the routine.

Maybe people could suggest ways you could modify what you do gradually over time if you told us exactly what your 'rocking him to sleep' routine involves? Do you stand up/sit down? How 'obvious' is the rocking movement? I suppose I'm asking whether it's the movement he likes (in which case, might a rocking chair-type thing replicate it?) or the proximity to your body (in which case could you lie down ona bed with him while he drops off?), or both?

IShallCallYouSquishy · 27/04/2015 10:43

Still rocking 14 month old DS here. How the hell do you get them to sleep otherwise?!

Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 10:43

Thank god there's other mums who are still rocking! Smile a few comments from a friend of mine about how I was spoiling DS by rocking him had me worried so I think that's why I've been evaluating each battle with nap time!

goog, I was fine to do it at first then friend's opions and my back started hurting, it got worse each time and made me dread nap time ...more so the back than anything else ! Blush

Let, he refuses to lay down and cuddle with me, even in my bed. If I try he screams until we're up and rocking again so I think it's the motion he likes.

Plump, he falls straight asleep in the pram but only if we're out and about! If I walked him up and down the hall he'd cry until we were actually outside.

OP posts:
kally195 · 27/04/2015 10:48

YANBU. I feed my eleven month old to sleep for naps and bedtime and many many times during the night I rock when she let's me. If it hurts your back, can you try a chair that rocks? I have the Ikea poang, and I can sit in that and rock her (she is 25lbs).

Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 10:50

Baby, I've been of that thought line until a friend of mine pointed out I was doing everything wrong and spoiling him. It annoyed me and I ignored until the back problems kicked in a few weeks ago when this all started so now I feel stuck. Currently his rocking routine involves me standing up with him laying on me facing inward, so one arm around his upper back, the other around his legs. He'll lay his face on my chest, by that point I have to try to juggle his dummy to him or again he won't sleep and once I start rocking back and forth/side to side, very obvious movement other wise again he won't sleep, he'll slowly start to drift over. I've tried these movements sitting down and it doesn't work, just makes him cry harder so I think it has something to do with the motion and standing up.

IShall, I have absolutely no clue! But if you find out please share! Grin

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 27/04/2015 10:55

I was still rocking DC1 to sleep when she started playgroup at 2.5yrs. I know I'd stopped just before I had DC2 so DC1 would have been around the 3 mark.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 27/04/2015 10:56

May I suggest that you tell your 'friend' to fuck off with her opinions? Unless she has kids of her own, in which case you can tell her to FOTTFSOF because she should know better than to be such a judgeypants.

Alternatively, smile and nod when she talks but don't give it another moment's thought after she leaves.

LadyDeadpool · 27/04/2015 10:59

22 months when I stopped rocking DS. We moved onto just putting him down in his cot and leaving him and he went straight to sleep so no rod made. Enjoy your baby the way you want he will grow out of it when he's ready.

LadyDeadpool · 27/04/2015 11:01

Oh and we used a baby rocker too even after he was blatantly too big for it! We thought if he didn't care then we didn't need to worry.

LetThereBeCupcakes · 27/04/2015 11:02

Ignore your "friend", it's none of her business.

Your back, however, is more of an issue. Do you have to stay standing up with him for the duration of the nap? How long are you standing for?

FWIW my DS used to cry for a while whilst I got him to sleep (patting, shushing, singing, BFing) but I stayed on the sofa, sitting with him cuddled in. Eventually he would nod off and now he goes off easy as anything cuddled up with me on the sofa.

When did you last try sitting with him, and what did you do?

Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 11:03

Kally, I'd love to get a rocker for DS by he knows when I'm sitting down and when I'm standing an prefers standing. If I try to sit he just cries harder. Sad

Kinky Shock! Was your back not killing you rocking a toddler to sleep? How did your DC1 take when you stopped? Did they sleep on their own?

Plump, I've been smiling and nodding for a while now! Though I've been considering a sit down and long talk about how each and every child is different so not everyone is going to be a text book case. She's very high strung so wording it without a fight in the future will be interesting. Grin

OP posts:
Tokelau · 27/04/2015 11:09

I have two teenagers and I rocked both of them to sleep until they were about 2. I didn't do it standing up though. I was usually sitting down, then when they fell asleep I put them in their cot, pram, travel cot, whatever.

It was a lovely bonding thing, they generally slept well after being rocked and put down, apart from a difficult start with DC1, who only slept while being held for the first few months. Sad

People used to say I was spoiling them, and making work for myself, but it was easy and it worked for us.

Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 11:10

Lady, the problem is with DS he refuses anything, rockers, bouncers ect other than me rocking him and with my back playing up each nap time I'm not sure for how much longer I can do it. Sad

Let, he usually drifts off within 10 minutes but if I put him down too soon he's up and crying and the whole process has to start again. I know those minutes don't seem big but with my back becoming more stuff and painful to move it seems like much longer. I try sitting with him if my back has been particularly bad that day, I'd rock him and give him his dummy as normal and gently ease myself down but I swear he knows the difference, even if I'm mimicking the movements standing up perfectly he still fusses and cries until I stand up again.
I suppose that's why for the past few days I've gotten desperate and let him cry for a minute or so, it does work but it kills me seeing him upset like that. Sad

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 27/04/2015 11:11

I'm not sure how hugging and rocking your 6 month old baby is 'spoiling' them.

Please reflect on cultural differences and whether someone in other parts of the world would feel the same about western style parenting where for example the baby is put in another room at night. Are cultures where attachment parenting is the norm, thought of as 'spoiling' babies?

The other question is 'are you happy?' If the answer is yes, then does it matter what anyone else is doing?

There are lots of different styles of parenting. They are generally all 'right'.

FTR still rocking here at nearly 8months

LetThereBeCupcakes · 27/04/2015 11:22

Ten minutes of rocking a heavy baby when you have back ache sounds agonising. No wonder you're struggling.

Can you prop yourself somehow? Sort of lean on a table or something to give yourself a little more support but still keep that upright position? Perhaps you can gradually move to a sitting position as he gets used to it.

Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 11:25

Toke, it's lovely to hear it worked for you! Smile especially with such a hard start with DC1!

Red, I suppose in her mind her DD was "lifted too much" by other relatives therefore ahe feels the reason her DD needs to be constantly held now is because of that?

Thought he cultural differences is a great example as no one is going to have the same parenting style. Smile I was happy to rock DS as it meant he got a better sleep and was happy to go to sleep then but with my back becoming what it is I don't know how long I can keep it up for.

OP posts:
Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 11:29

Let, once I feel that he's over enough I lean on his crib for a bit of support, it eases the pain but if I stay like that for too long my back becomes stuff and a lot more painful to ease him down into the crib. I know I prolong the rocking but only because I know if I don't DS will wake and it'll be harder to settle him again.

I'm going to keep trying to sit but I feel right now I'll have to stand as sitting makes him fuss more. Sad

OP posts:
Morelikeguidelines · 27/04/2015 11:36

"still"? He is only a tiny baby, there is no "still" about it.

Yanbu. I still (bottle) feed/ cuddle my ds to sleep at 14 months. Occasionally he goes to sleep in cot and I am working towards it now but don't consider anything wrong with cuddle/feed/rocking to sleep.

However, if your back is bad you need to find another method. I have been cuddling ds to sleep sitting on bed propped up on pillows with him on chest which seems to work. My ds is heavy too.

I can often put him into cot sleepy with a teddy and lullaby playing but he still cries if I leave the room.

cestlavielife · 27/04/2015 12:04

could you make it he has fewer naps now? so instead of every two hours extend to three hours? that will lessens the number of times you rocking and save your back. and try other rocking things or use pushchair

Original poster
VexiLexi303 · 27/04/2015 12:15

More, being a first timer mum I read a lot of things that said you're not supposed to rock a baby to sleep or pat/nurse so that they can learn to sleep on their own. So essentially I felt like I was doing something wrong for DS? Right now, I wish I could sit down and cuddle with DS but he knows the difference if I'm not standing up and rocking him and will cry until I'm up.

Cest, I've tried waiting longer when it comes to his naps but he's gets so cranky and fussy that if I want him to wait I'd have to walk around and nurse him, which would end up out him to sleep anyway. Sad

OP posts:
AliceAnneB · 27/04/2015 12:31

Get rocking chair/glider (heaps on eBay for 50 quid). We had the same issue. I got the chair and my son cried for the first two days but I was holding him not leaving him to it. It's upsetting but in reality you are there and he will adjust quickly. You can do it OP. There's nothing wrong with looking after yourself. Tell him what you are doing and why.