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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find Year 7s describing themselves as "bisexual" hilarious?

55 replies

jaws5 · 26/04/2015 23:12

My DD is in Y7. There are many kids in her year who are boasting to be bisexual on social media and at school. They are popular kids, mainly a big group of quite powerful girls, and they accuse many other kids of being homophobic. My DD says that they do it to be cool, and she doesn't get involved. At first I laughed and told her that it's absolutely fine to be gay, straight or bisexual, but that it's usually not that easy to know at 11/12. They also talk about depression and self harm as if it's a competition! I'm just glad that my DD still prefers Minecraft!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2015 23:15

And the other children don't prefer Minecraft?

It's rarely an 'either/or' situation.

So while you might find it hilarious now, you might find it different soon enough.

Who really knows?

StupidBloodyKindle · 26/04/2015 23:23

Calling other people out on supposed homophobia when they might just be saying no, you're not bi just attention seeking or challenging their peers' prejudices is one thing, and no bad thing, it helps balance against negative societal and parental influence. Although the way you describe, if done in such a way, it actually can trivialize, titillate or belittle, I don't know the girls in question. Self harm and the eulogising of emo angst however is no laughing matter.

QuintShhhhhh · 26/04/2015 23:25

Instagram is a big influencer in the issues you mention in your OP. I would have a look at the accounts your dd follow, there is a lot of self harm and depression "glorifying".

lordsandladies · 26/04/2015 23:26

I don't find it hilarious I find it really sad.

Looking at the emotional bullshit dsis grew up with 10yrs my junior Vs me and the resultant MH issues it seems to have wrought on the next generations scares me. They are so wrapped up in labelling and over analysing themselves or isolated online that it worries me.

Charis1 · 26/04/2015 23:28

The problem is, many tweens and teens put themselves in a position where they later have huge difficulties later "coming out" a straight. I've known teenagers leave the area they have grown up in because they are too embarrassed to admit to everyone who has supported their bi/homosexuality that actually they have discovered they are heterosexual after all.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 26/04/2015 23:28

They talk about being bisexual, then self-harm and depression?

Not particularly hilarious, no. Odd word to use, OP.

Original poster

jaws5 · 26/04/2015 23:31

You're right, it's no laughing matter... The first news I had of one of these girls talking about self harm on Instagram, I was shocked and worrief for her. My DD said it was attention seeking and I thought that she was wrong.... Now they're all taking about self harm and mental health issues as well as claiming to be bisexual -- and accusing other kids of homophobia....

OP posts:

OneEyedWilly · 26/04/2015 23:33

I knew I fancied both genders by year 4, (before most kids in my year seemed to have even started having those feelings) I didn't know the word bisexual though. It's not beyond the realms of possibility to know at that age.

Having said that, from the situation you describe it does sound like a 'trend' happening in your DDs school rather than a group of genuinely bisexual children.

I'd tell her not to concern herself about whether or not these girls are really bisexual, just whether or not they're nice people. If they're not nice then stay away from them.

SanityClause · 26/04/2015 23:35

I think lots of people are aware of their sexuality at quite a young age. I remember having sexual feelings at maybe 5 or 6. (And not about adults - I'm not talking about child abuse, here.)

Lots of people have homosexual experiences with their friends, as young teens. I think, in the past, most people identified as heterosexual, because that was "normal". Only strongly homosexual people would have identified as homosexual. And quite often, not them, either.

Now that bisexuality is more accepted, I think lots of people who, in the past would not have considered themselves as bisexual, may well be more open to that side of their sexuality.

tsonlyme · 26/04/2015 23:35

They're exploring in the same way any of is did except we didn't have social acceptance or social media to advertise it. It's no biggie.

When I was the equivalent of yr7 a yr8 girl took a liking to me, it was quite nice but a bit weird. She bought me some sweets, no harm done. These days it would have been splashed all over whichever social media is the flavour of the day for everyone to pour over.

Both of my IT savvie teens have been through this and come out the other side unscathed. One still hasn't decided if she's gay, straight or bi, but that's ok she'll figure it out in her own sweet time.

Koalafications · 26/04/2015 23:38

I certainly wouldn't describe it as hilarious.

Original poster

jaws5 · 26/04/2015 23:38

The problem is these girls demand to be "supported" on Instagram and school through endless discussion of their issues, and will label kids who won't "support" them all as intolerant and homophobic. It's crazy, and they're definitely glorifying very serious issues, and ultimately trivialising them...

OP posts:

thehumanjam · 26/04/2015 23:43

My niece went through this at her very posh girls school. I think it was just boredom really.

Ds is the same age and he says that people only talk about sexuality in PSHE at his school.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2015 23:48

Well that's probably because they're 12 years old and have a lot to learn about 'labelling' people on social media.

You however are (I assume) an adult, and here you are on social media labelling them as 'hilarious'.

I'm not sure if this is sad or ironic....I genuinely can't call it right now.

Koalafications · 26/04/2015 23:55

It's crazy, and they're definitely glorifying very serious issues, and ultimately trivialising them...

And you don't think you are doing the same thing by saying its 'hilarious' .

Jux · 27/04/2015 00:33

It's rife nowadays. My dd also talks about sexuality and mental health. There is thing instead of nervousness these days - it's called social anxiety apparently.

It annoys me a bit as it glorifies things which are perfectly normal and shouldn't be issues at all.

NurseRoscoe · 27/04/2015 00:39

I find it worrying that children are so open about genuine serious problems such as homophobia and self harm. Generally, things like this are quite difficult to discuss when they are genuine, they are very personal. But younger people seem to shout it from the rooftops now. Not necessarily a bad thing, it's better they are speaking about them than bottling them up but when I see silly memes on Instagram with pictures of sliced wrists saying things like 'he kisses her scars and tells her they are beautiful' it makes me cringe. As if self harming is the way to help you find a more sensitive caring boy, it's quite scary really!

GlitterTwinkleToes · 27/04/2015 00:50

Jus there is a disorder known as social anxiety. Nothing to do with just being nervous. Consider yourself lucky that you don't suffer with it, opinions like that undermine MH illnesses!

GlitterTwinkleToes · 27/04/2015 00:51

Jux- blooming auto correct

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 27/04/2015 01:06

I would be taking a screenshot and forwarding it to the school.

Perhaps the school could then run a special assembly to address mental health problems and where to go to if they need help.

WaywardOn3 · 27/04/2015 05:23

See if the Tweens in your dds school were like the ones when I was in school it will carry on from yr7 to yr11

All the Emos were bi and regularly made out in school. They also all used to 'self harm'. Highly annoying to be forced to sit near them as a) they never cut deep enough to draw blood b) they never did it in a location that could cause themselves harm and c) the teachers did fuck all about it.

Once they left school all but 2 decided they were straight and all but 1 stopped 'cutting'

flora717 · 27/04/2015 06:29

Wayward: Is it so unaacceptable to you that these teenagers were exploring their identity? You're saying their sexuality was "just a phase". That's quite dismissive. Yes, some teenagers may find their sexuality is straight. But what message does that send to those who are gay? Are you suggesting they haven't grown out of it yet?
I used to repeatedly be told I'd grow out of bisexuality.

londonrach · 27/04/2015 06:36

Poor children. Why cant they just be children at age 7. I find this very, very sad.

flora717 · 27/04/2015 06:39

"year 7" are 11 12 years old

lagartaroja · 27/04/2015 06:40

I knew age 11. I told an aunt who laughed and informed me that all girls had crushes on girls. I then spent years not understanding that I was different. Glad these students at least know it's an option they can explore.

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