Be honest, does your two year old sit at the table during a family meal out? Should I have been embarrassed today?

[GlitteringJasper]

I've a ds 25 months, so just recently turned two.

I worry he's behind other children his age in some ways even though health visitor and Dr assure me otherwise.

For example, today I was out for lunch with the family and while other children were sitting happily at the table, my ds wouldn't sit. He wasn't annoying other people, just strolling around our table, crawling underneath,refusing to eat his food. I find it so embarrassing that he can't sit at the table.

I'm a teacher and a class of 30 is no problem but my own child runs rings around me.

When my ds takes an idea in his mind, i.e. not to eat, not to sit at the table, there is NOTHING anyone can do to change his mind.

Another example, my friend has a ds 4 months younger than my ds and we met for lunch recently, her ds sat colouring in for 1.5 hours and ate his own meal, totally by himself. My ds would go nuts if I tried to make him sit that long, he'd scream blue murder and he's really poor at feeding himself. If he so much as gets a crumb on his hand or sauce etc he gets really agitated and upset.

I just feel he gets overly upset over the most minor things.

His speech is very poor, understands everything but v v few words and we feel he gets frustrated as he can't communicate properly.

Anyway, today I felt like everyone was looking at me, as if icant control my son.

I don't enjoy going out with my ds.

I've a 4 month old so it's even more awkward.

Today I'd have just taken him home when he started acting up but it's hard with a baby in tow.

How well does your 2 year old sit at the table?

My children are a little older now but they have all been going to restuarants since they were born.

All my children are lively, especially dd1, (they were all slow talkers too) but we could still go out and enjoy a meal. I would make sure that they had had a good run around at the park before expecting them to sit down at a restaurant, or make them walk there. If they started being difficult, either dh or I would take them outside for a bit of fresh air.

Also always had colouring pens etc to keep them occupied at the table.

Ha ha to this

"we ate out a lot from when they were babies, so they were very used to it"

It's very nice that you think that your children behave well because of your parenting skills, and that other people's children would behave in restaurants if only they had more practice.

I dare say I would have thought the same if i'd had DD first, but I didn't, I had DS.

As a toddler he was a strong-willed explorer, a bolter, an obstinate, although gorgeous, determined and very active lovely little person who wasn't going to sit still, anywhere, for anyone! He spent a lot of time out with us, until we gave up banging our heads on a brick wall - no amount of practice was going to change his personality! He grew out of it eventually, and is now obstinate and contrary in more restaurant-acceptable ways.

DD on the other hand is biddable. Although she's curious and would wander round the restaurant if we'd let her, we can keep entertained her at the table usually.

You are lucky, you have two biddable children, but that's just as much down to chance as it is parenting.

I'm also lucky, I had the difficult (but wonderful!) one first, parenting DD as a toddler is a walk in the park in comparison.

Friends of mine have had easy first children, and thought it was all down to their good parenting, then been in for a shock when the second came along ...

sits to the table yes eats food without throwing things ummm no flings his food at people yes flings his fork at people yes!

but actually sitting down yes (for a little while)

my son is a "character" he like interacting with people he is very social little boy under speech and language for a speech delay so he does get frustrated but he has learned the word no and uses it to great effect (especially to the speech and language lady today)

i would stick to a garden picnic till your baby gets a little older its my plan personally!

It's very nice that you think that your children behave well because of your parenting skills, and that other people's children would behave in restaurants if only they had more practice.

That's not what I said though was it. Of course children get better at things the more practice they get. If a child eats out a lot then they get used to sitting still for longer, just like sitting at the table to eat at home. Also, you make the assumption that both my children are 'biddable'. I don't know how you work that out since you don't know them, but of course they aren't 100% of the time. If they were, they wouldn't be children would they!

As I said, I've always taken my children to restaurants, but I wouldn't call them biddable.

If they were difficult, then dh and i would take it in turns to take them outside. I would never allow them to stay in the restaurant if they were being naughty.

"That's not what I said though was it."

Isn't it?

I've read your post again and that's still how I read it. What did you mean by it?

"Of course children get better at things the more practice they get."

Yes, of course they do. But somethings are harder for some children than others. Sometimes to the point of them being impossible.

If I read posts like yours when I was a new mum to DS I would have felt like I was doing something wrong, that if other people had got their toddlers to sit at the table, I should be able too, and that I couldn't meant I was failing as a parent.

Posts like yours, however well-meaning, which don't acount for personality differences and differences in ability between children, and instead put it down to parenting alone, can make those with challenging children feel they are getting it wrong, when in fact they are doing brilliantly in trying circumstances.

I commented because now I have a child who is biddable it's a revelation, i realise now quite how difficult DS was as a toddler. And i put that largely down to his personality, it's just who he is! By biddabe by the way, I don't mean she does what I want all the time - far from it! But that she does have some interest in what i'm.saying wamts to interract with me and I can influence her somewhat. DS, he couldn't care less what I wanted of him at that age, he was on his own path!

And we took him to restaurants, plenty of them. We gave up because it was ridiculous, we couldn't talk to each other. One would have to chase DS about while the other ate! We tried, we really did!

I think he sounds awesome - spirited, full of energy, curious, always on the go...that's exactly what a little one should be. He isn't being naughty - if you think about it, sitting at a table at an allocated time, eating with cutlery is a completely social construct and not a reflection of how we were made to live in nature. The more energetic and curious, the better, even if it is inconvenient!

As for the late speaking...please don't worry. Many boys who are late talkers actually do so as they have IQ's higher than the average and their brains develop a different way.

Sounds like my DS at this age. We used to take him out to eat but only to places frequented by other parents with v young children. He was fine by 3 or so and the same with speech. I think particularly boys find it harder to sit still and can be late developers regarding speech and fine motor skills eg using a spoon, crayons.

Mine is 32 months and incredibly verbal, she can say hundreds of words if not more. However, she would if anything be less well behaved at the table than yours. She'd have done about 5 minutes, then been legging it around the place like a woman possessed, no doubt bothering the other diners. She's also a fussy fucker at times, and gets very het up about marks and dirt on her hands. Whatever her excuse is, it's not inability to communicate! And she was worse when she was 26 months. Being allergic to sitting down and doing what you've been asked is common enough for 2 year olds.