Be honest, does your two year old sit at the table during a family meal out? Should I have been embarrassed today?

[GlitteringJasper]

I've a ds 25 months, so just recently turned two.

I worry he's behind other children his age in some ways even though health visitor and Dr assure me otherwise.

For example, today I was out for lunch with the family and while other children were sitting happily at the table, my ds wouldn't sit. He wasn't annoying other people, just strolling around our table, crawling underneath,refusing to eat his food. I find it so embarrassing that he can't sit at the table.

I'm a teacher and a class of 30 is no problem but my own child runs rings around me.

When my ds takes an idea in his mind, i.e. not to eat, not to sit at the table, there is NOTHING anyone can do to change his mind.

Another example, my friend has a ds 4 months younger than my ds and we met for lunch recently, her ds sat colouring in for 1.5 hours and ate his own meal, totally by himself. My ds would go nuts if I tried to make him sit that long, he'd scream blue murder and he's really poor at feeding himself. If he so much as gets a crumb on his hand or sauce etc he gets really agitated and upset.

I just feel he gets overly upset over the most minor things.

His speech is very poor, understands everything but v v few words and we feel he gets frustrated as he can't communicate properly.

Anyway, today I felt like everyone was looking at me, as if icant control my son.

I don't enjoy going out with my ds.

I've a 4 month old so it's even more awkward.

Today I'd have just taken him home when he started acting up but it's hard with a baby in tow.

How well does your 2 year old sit at the table?

Can he put 2 words together, E.g. Mummy coat, doggie drink, etc.? If not it wouldn't hurt to ask for a SALT referral or refer yourself if you can do that where you live.

I can make you feel instantly better.

My middles ds now 5 sounds a bit like your ds he has Asd but I'm not saying your son does or might. At the age we didn't know, he'd sit colouring happily but had few words would eat well but here's the issue would throw anything he didn't like.

So we often went to pizza express as he liked pizza, I never took him anywhere challenging. Well this day mil in her wisdom gave him a garlicky dough ball. One lick and he launched it behind him. We tried to follow its trajectory but it bounced and vanished I'm certain into a ladies black handbag. Me and dh were esperately discussing how to approach her when she stood up and headed for the door. They'd obviously paid had finished coffee and we're off. We were so mortified we left her to leave. The dough ball wasn't under their table so it must have been in her handbag.

I always wonder if she found it. Ds would also screech and trill in happiness, he was non verbal until 3 and a half. Other ds who would have been 4 he would eat the olives any ones with stones got hurled. Same day one landed in a gentlemans lemonade, he looked surprised but was very good humoured we bought him another lemonade. God we were a nightmare family but you kinda need to get a thick skin as its good to go out now and then.

Find good child orientated chains, Google, apps and trip advisor can help and just go for it. It hasn't got much easier for us but we no longer stress about it.

My Ds who is nearly three doesn't sit for a second. He also wouldn't sit in a high chair. We rarely eat out and always go places that serve very quickly. He's far too interested in playing with things than sitting. He also has a smallish appetite so isn't distracted by the food at all.
I havwit

Completely normal. I think the parents of the well behaved children sometimes think it's all down to something right the parents are doing - but I really believe a large part is the temperament of the child

My DS was a nightmare to bring out at that age

Once he escaped from me and started throwing his toys cars high up in the air in a busy cafe. They were nearly landing on people's heads. I was so embarrassed and had to grab our bags and coats and get him out of there ASAP.

Another time in a hotel we went out for a meal. There was a little boy the same age at the next table very calmly eating his food. DS was trying to throw anything he could get his hands on across the table. He grabbed a fork and threw it at a wine glass knocking it over. We left before ordering any food!

He liked to try to escape and run around in coffee shops. I used to drink my coffee extremely quickly and get out of there.

Now at age 5 he's a pleasure to bring out and we can enjoy the food and have a nice chat.

DS1 sat beautifully at the table at 2 (and watched episode after episode of Peppa Pig on the iPad while we actually enjoyed our meal).

Mine (22 months) will sit happily for very short periods, often won't eat, up and down. He can escape from virtually any high chair too, which makes things tricky.

I have twins (girls, 2.7). One will sit on a chair in a restaurant (or anywhere) and behave well, eat her food and be really pleasant. The other twin is the opposite. She wouldnt stay seated, would run around the restaurant and be a general pain.

They were brought up exactly the same way.

DS would scream the place down (literally!) if he wasn't take out of his high chair when he deemed he'd had enough. There was a lot of taking in turns walking around showing DS things and trying to distract him while the other parent quickly ate. Wasn't very enjoyable and, unfortunately, this was before tablets/smartphones.

Don't compare your DS to anyone else's, they are all so different and all develop at different rates but that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong

2 years old is still very young, very little. I wouldn't worry about not sitting down for a meal. There's probably so much stimulation from being out and it can be quite overwhelming to sit still and concentrate on eating. My DS is the same age and he will sit down to eat sometimes but sometimes not depending on his mood and what is going on. I don't worry as I know he'll get there in the end. In my opinion the 2 years old who sat still and coloured for an hour and a half was the abnormal one and not your DS!

Lol, yes eating out with toddlers/pre-schools is anything but relaxing isn't it? I still look with longing at my friend's little girl (same age as ds) who will sit nicely in cafe. Ds runs about and once almost made it to the kitchen, laughing as I ran after him shouting 'stop right there'! I'm not going to stop taking him out and trying to get him used to how to behave in restaurants though. If all else fails load episodes of his fav tv show onto your phone.

From what I'm told, headstrong, independent youngsters grow up to be confident and strong adults. We just need to get through the first 18 years!! .

I bet a good proportion of those looking at you were thinking 'yep, been there'!

DS is is 2.3yo and has recently turned into a little monster. He used to sit in the high chair and just eat his meal. I used to be silently smug about it.
He will not go in high chair now. I would need to break his legs and back to force him into a high chair. He is ridiculously big and looks a bit silly in it tbh. So meals out are a nightmare. Even getting a quick coffee somewhere is a challenge.
Your DS sounds completely normal to me. It's called the terrible 2s for a reason.,,

DS also had (still has to an extent) a miniscule appetite and was very fussy (better now, but not great). Not distracted by food. Couldn't be bribed with promise of a treat (still can take or leave cake/ice cream/choc/etc.).

I had one glorious meal with a group of childless friends and my 2 children aged 5 and 2.
5 year old coloured, read the menu and made polite conversation, 2 year old sat in his high chair looking at a book, playing with a car and eating everything that was put in front of him with gusto.
Friends were charmed by my wonderful children and we all had a fabulous meal.
The memory of that one meal still gives me a warm glow and almost cancels out the many, many more meals when I've been driven to distraction by fidgeting, fussing, terrible table manners Etc!

We have 5DC,4 oldest children DS 19,DS 16,DS 13 and DD 11 we've never had any trouble with whilst eating out.Our oldest was taken to cafes and restaurants from about two weeks old.All 5DC have been taken in to restaurants and cafes within the first 6 weeks of being born.

Our 13 year old DS is also autistic.Our youngest in a restaurant was a shock to us she's 7 now,she's autistic like her youngest big brother.She used to hate going in a highchair and would moan to leave where ever we were eating within seconds of her having finished eating.

It lasted for a few years,so we decided not to eat out as much,because it was just really stressful for my DH and myself.Thankfully she's a lot better now than she was.She'll happily sit through a 3 course meal and has quite a grown up palate for a child of her age.She always says please and thank you.Never screams or shouts or goes running around(she never used to) it was just the fidgeting and moaning at us to leave that was hard for us.

Honestly OP I bet if any of the people that were looking at you that had children with them they were going Thank God It's Not Our Child This Time.

Wasn't trying to say he's perfect humprey far from it! Just trying to explain what we do and why DS may not fight sitting at the table so much! God knows there are days where we're constantly asking him to sit on his chair properly, eat his dinner etc

Get your hot beverage in a take-away cup. That way you can take it with you if you need to leave a cafe in a hurry. Luckily DS will now let me finish my drink with only occasional minor moaning.

Some two year old are happy to sit for long periods of time. Lots aren't. Both are completely normal. Getting any of my three do to do something they didn't want to do when they were 2 was practically impossible. I spent a lot of time "riding the storm". They all became perfectly amenable again once they passed the terrible twos stage.

Really, don't get upset about your dc not sitting at table at aged 2. I know plenty of people who were smug with the good manners of their dc1 who had a bit of a shock when dc2 turned up with a different personality.

My DS still goes in a high chair at 3.5 if the table's too low, and he still wriggles if he isn't in one.

I remember a few meals out at that age where DS sat, resolute, underneath the table and refused to come out, let alone eat.

I love eating out at buffets or carveries, no waiting to order. My DS has usually had enough of sitting still by the time we've ordered, and will have already scrawled all over the free colouring sheet, so very little chance after that of eating.

It's normal. And very stressful.

Sounds completely fine, he is 2 not 12! Not all of us are lucky to have wellbehaved toddlers. My ds is 3.3 years and is so boisterous, he woukd eat the meal and start to get fidgety.

At that age my DS wouldn't have sat for a meal either, not without an iPad or some other bribery involved . And usually then only if we took him to the park to burn off his energy first.

As far as I recall 2 was the peak age for this kind of hyperactivity with him. Now at 3.5 he will sit for a meal and color in with crayons or look through a book etc. I actually recently had compliments about his behavior in a cafe which nearly made me fall off my chair in shock!

So it does get better. Some children have more energy than others and it's not a reflection on you as a parent. I used to want to cry so often with DS when he would tear off in public and embarrass us. You develop a thick skin eventually though and learn to freeze out the stares and comments...

My dd is completely the same. She has absolutely no interest in sitting and eating, will not sit in a high chair and just wants to explore. She's 23months. Even an iPad can't distract her in a restaurant. Such is life though they'll hopefully grow out of it

Sounds like both my DSs OP, my DDs are totally opposite!

DS1 didn't talk until he was 3.5, total emotional nightmare, we were very worried at the time. Lots of checks with HV and GP and speech & Lang... all decided he was just immature. It was spot on, Hes now 7 and it an absolute delight, can take him anywhere (I barely left the house with him until he was 4 - he couldn't cope and it wasn't worth it!)

DS2 is only 2.5, but just the same as his brother was. I clearly produce immature boys!

Its a phase op, toddlers are not rational beings, in my experience anyway. They become lovely again from 3 onwards!

My ds is 5 now. I think he was hard to sit down at the table. Dd is 3 - she gets up every few mins to change clothes/run about/go to the loo etc etc. She gets bored easily unless something keeps her interest. I expect dd to get better as she gets older.

Having had a baby and 2 year old, I would suggest you massively lower your expectations. It is so hard. I remember taking 2 year old ds to a music class with my newborn and the music teacher commented on just how much better behaved ds was for his nanny I nearly cried with shame and never went back. But now he's brilliant mostly

Keep trying but don't worry if it doesn't work until he's older.