Be honest, does your two year old sit at the table during a family meal out? Should I have been embarrassed today?

[GlitteringJasper]

I've a ds 25 months, so just recently turned two.

I worry he's behind other children his age in some ways even though health visitor and Dr assure me otherwise.

For example, today I was out for lunch with the family and while other children were sitting happily at the table, my ds wouldn't sit. He wasn't annoying other people, just strolling around our table, crawling underneath,refusing to eat his food. I find it so embarrassing that he can't sit at the table.

I'm a teacher and a class of 30 is no problem but my own child runs rings around me.

When my ds takes an idea in his mind, i.e. not to eat, not to sit at the table, there is NOTHING anyone can do to change his mind.

Another example, my friend has a ds 4 months younger than my ds and we met for lunch recently, her ds sat colouring in for 1.5 hours and ate his own meal, totally by himself. My ds would go nuts if I tried to make him sit that long, he'd scream blue murder and he's really poor at feeding himself. If he so much as gets a crumb on his hand or sauce etc he gets really agitated and upset.

I just feel he gets overly upset over the most minor things.

His speech is very poor, understands everything but v v few words and we feel he gets frustrated as he can't communicate properly.

Anyway, today I felt like everyone was looking at me, as if icant control my son.

I don't enjoy going out with my ds.

I've a 4 month old so it's even more awkward.

Today I'd have just taken him home when he started acting up but it's hard with a baby in tow.

How well does your 2 year old sit at the table?

My two year old DD sits happily at the table colouring or looking at books for as long as you need. Her older brother was much trickier and so one of us would take him for a walk outside while waiting for the meals to arrive, and then the other would do the same while waiting for dessert. While actually eating he was ok. In fact, he's 5 now and she's better at eating out than he is. He kept slithering under the table last time but he doesn't need walking around any more.

I've had to stop going to cafes now my dd is 18 months. It's a shame but just too stressful otherwise! I feel your pain! She will not sit in a highchair, will just screeeeam!
My 5 yr old wasn't as bad at that age but still didn't like sitting for too long and liked to wander about.
My nephew was the same, so I reckon normal :)

Yes my 2 year old will sit at the table, at least long enough for me to eat usually.

My 6 year old on the other hand - where he was 2, there was no way you would get him to sit at the table, or anywhere near the table.

If your 2 year old is playing under and around your table, not other people's / trying to get into the kitchen / running round the cafe, and you were able to eat and converse eith your friends think yourself lucky!

I mostly gave up going to places like this with DS, or if I did go, I resigned myself to having to be out of my seat supervising him - either holding him on my hip so he wouldn't run about, or talking him for a walk outside. I spent a lot of family meals out taking turns with DP to hang around outside with DS.

He grew out of it eventually, I forget when now sorry.

You need to find ways to make it easier for yourself, sod the judgemental people and repeat the mumsnet mantra - this too shall pass.

DS is 23 months and refuses high chair (think of trying to get a cat in a bag). He will stay at table for maybe 5 to 10 minutes but that's about it. Can buy more time with iPhone and YouTube.
Someone told me that attentions spans are conmesurate with age, so I don't worry that he won't sit still for longer.
The world is too interesting to sit for long when you're a toddler.
Sounds normal!

Dad was amazing at that age. Endless compliments etc - we could go anywhere with her.

Ds is nearly 2 and isn't bad. Generally will sit for a couple of hours with his jigsaws, books etc. sometimes gets a bit restless towards the end. I often take him outside for 5 mins between main course and pudding to let him run about screeching. We have had a few meals that haven't been great.

We've always taken them out - probably at least weekly from 8 days and 7 days old. I also generally take the entire contents of the Early Learning Centre plus enough easy to eat snacks to feed an army let alone a small boy in case service is slow. We can't "just go". It has to be planned with military precision to ensure that there are enough activities to keep ds occupied. The times when it has gone wrong have been the times when I left Dh in charge of preparation! He does not go for military precision!

I stopped eating out for a bit, or else stuck to a cup of tea and a scone. And my kids are/were not that lively.

DD is 23mo and will do some colouring / reading (with an adult's full attention) for max 15mins. Then the food will hold her interest until she's full, so we need to make sure we eat quicker than her!

Pudding is something we've only started attempting recently, and it's a bit hit and miss whether she has the patience. Definitely best to go somewhere with things to look at and places to walkabout.

Dd is 4 now but has always loved eating out. She'd have sat nicely, eaten whatever and drawn etc as long as needed.

Ds is 8 now and at 2 he'd have been in a highchair but he'd have needed constant entertaining with small toys, stickers, us drawing for him, etc etc and he'd have eaten fuck all. If he had eaten something we'd have fed him it and if any spilled on him he'd have freaked.

Both 'normal' now.

i stopped taking my 2 out until they were much older. Couldn't enjoy it. Some kids just don't want to sit at a table.

He's a normal two year old. Some do sit at the table, some don't -and there's every chance that those who do will decide not to sometimes.

Mine did as long as they were eating, usually but would wriggle down once they had finished. Do you take colouring things, stories for him? None of mine used a high chair at two! It's never going to be a relaxing, sitting round chatting experience, you are going to spend the time entertaining him at that age. Best thing you can do is pick somewhere child friendly where nobody minds or better still, a pub garden with a playground so he can run round while you chat with one eye on him.

Dd has always been very good but
Always use high chair
Go to weatherspoons type so get food quickly
She loves food

And in contrast will not sit still for nursery rhyme and story times at groups
Wants to play or run around
So its like very good behaviour vs awful. (She is only 1 of 2 at groups who do this)
A lot of behaviour things are personality- cheekiness, stubbornness

The opposite of a child always wanting hands wiped is one who is very hard to potty train as they dont mind it.
Always swings and roundabouts

Congratulations you have an active, curious, normal toddler. Accept he does not want to sit still, its perfectly normal, and dont argue with him about eating food as you will never win and just irritate the other adults. It is not a classroom and he does not need to keep still. Just tell him to keep out of the way if hot food or drinks are being carried around.

My DCs are foodies which helps, but we try to avoid drawn out, lingering meals as they will get twitchy. Ds2 has just turned 2 and is given a choice about high chairs or a regular seat. At 18m, just like his brother, we reached the point where a booster seat became the better, safer option at home.

A few months ago I ended up walking a bored Ds2 around a restaurant (calmly walking with close supervision). They're not often fussed about colouring, but tend to be Ok with toys. Technology is too frustrating for them.

Ds1 has a speech delay. I noticed at 2, that his progress was slow. The HV was satisfied at the time. At 3, the gap had grown and the ball got rolling on some action. He has a specific issue, but is able to communicate what's on his mind, and is unrelated to the rest of his development.

No need to worry about eating out at this point. With speech, it's early days. Many glitches resolve themselves.

Dd would quite happily sit colouring, looking at a book etc when she was 2-3, and at 8 is perfectly well behaved in general (apart from being a bit of a fussy moo ).

Ds at just over 2 was a bit of a nightmare, DP and I had to take turns at walking him outside at a family gathering, eating in shifts. He refused to sit down or eat anything and got in a right strop unless he was outside. Horrible time . We went out today with family, and he was great. It was such a relief. He's nearly 3 and before the meal we had been out walking on the beach, and around the town, so he'd had his exercise, lunch was also later, so he was hungry. Even though we had to wait a while, he had a little play on my iPod, then ate most of his meal ( not sitting in a highchair). He did want to go for a wander after that, but he had his big sister and cousins there to take the heat off us, and he mainly wanted to go to the outside seating area (which was enclosed, so safe). He then came back to the table and ate his ice cream. All in all it was a dream compared to the previous experience! Whether it was a one off, we won't know until the next time!

He also had few words at 2, we can't shut him up now...(in fact he's very helpful in letting us know what he's up to... 'I'm running away mummy!' ).

oh yes , dd would sit at the table for hours...

...ds on the other hand...

dd would have had to be in a high chair though as she is hypermobile and used to fall off chairs.

Haha, I could probably have written a nice smug bit about how my DC behaves charmingly in restaurants…

…BUT THEN.

I went on HOLIDAY RECENTLY.

and DEMON RESTAURANT CHILD apparently came with us instead of normal DC.

Honestly, it was so awful, and we do all the normal, good-parent things, take them out loads to decent places, teach them how to use cutlery, have naice manners ourselves bla bla. Couldn't matter less, they battered round every tea-house and restaurant in town. Including lying on many floors HOWLING as naice older ladies and gents looked on and gave a few enjoyable tuts etc. You are not alone, OP, and yes, I have a couple of mates who are LUCKY with their children but really think it's just their superior parenting style and love to give advice - just have to grit teeth and smile and pray they get restaurant monsters next time.

Although mumoftwo and whoever suggested the 'toys only for restaurants' have vg advice, as do all of the rest of you!

One of my children was a nightmare in restaurants at that age, hyper, picky about food and hated colouring and books.The other great, who liked to sit and eat, easily entertained. They were both raised in the same way. The first slowly got better and we did eventually get to a stage where we could give the impression that we were civilized folk. It was never relaxing but at 9 he could be coaxed not to crawl on the floor. He is now 14 and loves going out to eat, well behaved, and actively chooses places with saucy spicy food. He used to gag at any food that wasnt dry.

The youngest one is still generally ok behaved but now easily bored in restaurants and increasingly picky with food.

Depending on where we are, sometimes my 3.5 year old has to be in a highchair, not because of his behaviour but because he's tiny for his age and can't reach his dinner in a normal chair. My 22 month old will be in a highchair in all places, I can't imagine a 2 year old sitting nicely in a chair for long periods of time tbh.

16 month old DS has a maximum limit of 20 mins in a high chair. After that he just gets bored and wriggles/distracts people. They are still young, not surprised they are bored, especially for 2 hours, lord!

DD ( 2.5) will sit up for around 15min chatting to us or colouring while waiting for her food. We have to actively entertain her during that time. If the food takes too long she demands to get down, starts climbing on the table, etc., and one of us will usually need to take her outside to wait.

Once food arrives, she'll sit up just long enough for us to eat. Occasionally if she's in a good mood we can manage dessert. At home she has to stay in her high chair until DH and I are finished, but I'd never expect her to sit up and wait at the sort of family meal where the adults are ordering multiple courses, taking ages to eat because they're busy talking, drinking lots of wine, etc.

Even though some can, it's unreasonable to expect a toddler to sit up at a table for more than 30min. And even that is pushing it for a lot of toddlers.

DCs develop differently and if they are pottering around your table quietly then let them.

However, if your DCs are annoying other diners and getting in the way of the staff then it's very U to allow that to continue.

Honestly, yes both my DS's sat at the table throughout a meal at 2. However, we ate out a lot from when they were babies, so they were very used to it. It's like anything, it takes practice and ime it's perfectly normal to see 2yo's wandering a bit.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Anyone who knows anything about children understands that they are unlikely to sit still throughout an entire meal.

Strap in a high chair. If he can't do it then don't take him until he can- or go to a place with a play area.

I wouldn't be worried about him not sitting down etc but I might be a little concerned about his fussiness with regards sauce and crumbs etc. do you have concerns about his development generally? How is his behaviour around sleep and play at home?