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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be going out three times a month without my kids?

78 replies

Confusedfuzz · 26/04/2015 17:07

I am dating a wonderful man, he's amazing. I came out of an abusive relationship Xmas time in 2013. I met my boyfriend in February last year. At first we kept it quiet. We went on days out while the kids were at school, picnics, walks ect.

In January this year we decided we rather love each other and thought it was time we started introducing the kids/my family.

We toke the kids cinema and for dinner, boyfriend came for dinner and since then we have done loads together. BUT we also love spending time together.

We toke the kids London last month.

This month we have been to watch the rugby. Next month we are going away for the night for his birthday.
And last month we went to a gig.

I ask my sister/niece and my other nephew to babysit, I pay them.

My suster is very vocal. She thinks he should realise I have two kids and we can't keep going out.
It hurts a lot, I am truly happy for the first time in years. My kids adore him!

Aibu for going out with him so much without my children? I thought this is what happens when your dating but sister is convinced it isn't.

I feel like an awful parent.

OP posts:

Apricota · 26/04/2015 17:13

Are you not part of a wonderful package? So mostly your packed with the kids and then on occasion just the two of you.

Apricota · 26/04/2015 17:15

Are you not part of a wonderful package? So mostly your 'packaged' with the kids and then on occasion just the two of you. Personally I think 3 times a month is rather a lot, but no doubt each to their own.

peppapigonaloop · 26/04/2015 17:16

Yanbu..your sister is basically saying you shouldn't have any social life other than with your children??

woowoo22 · 26/04/2015 17:16

Are they getting annoyed by babysitting requests?

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 17:17

Most parents I know have a "date night", where they go out without their kids once each week. I always thought it was a good thing. Your situation seems very similar to that, and I don't understand why your sister thinks it's bad. Does she never go out with her DP without their kids?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 26/04/2015 17:17

3 days out of 30 is ok.

The children are still with you the other 27 days and 1 day more if it's a 31 day month

Sirzy · 26/04/2015 17:19

Yanbu to want to go out but at the same time if they are not happy to babysit they wouldn't be unreasonable to say no.

ImperialBlether · 26/04/2015 17:26

Was your sister happier (for want of a better word) when you were in an unhappy relationship? Did she feel superior? Did you go to her for support and help? And now you have someone lovely that you want to spend time with instead - is she jealous of that?

I would use another babysitter - her children will soon kick off when they realise they can't earn money babysitting for you.

rubyflipper · 26/04/2015 17:28

Sounds like your sister is fed up with babysitting duties.

Original poster

Confusedfuzz · 26/04/2015 17:29

They are earning money, they are paid 10 an hour.

I hardly ask her tbh, she's had them probs 3 times this year.

She has been a single mum for 13 years through choice

OP posts:

AwfulBeryl · 26/04/2015 17:31

I don't think 3 nights a month is a lot, some people go out more than others, it doesn't matter. You're not an awful parent.
I would stop asking her to baby sit though, she is obviously entitled to her opinion, but if she can't agree to disagree then I would keep her out of this part of your life.
Doesn't she get out much ?

PurpleSwift · 26/04/2015 17:34

3 nights out of 30 isn't too much I don't think. Certainly not in the early days of a relationship. If she feels like it's too much maybe look at other baby sitting options

SaucyJack · 26/04/2015 17:36

Where is the money coming from to pay for babysitters and nights away?

If you're on a budget and you're spending family money on wining and dining your new bloke, then yes YABU.

DinosaursRoar · 26/04/2015 17:38

oh, sounds like your sister is jealous you have a life, going out 3 times a month is hardly in the feckless parent category. Is she one of those people who have completely sacrificed themselves to their DCs, couldn't possibly have their own life because every waking moment should be all about the DCs? That sort of woman finds they have a very empty and lonely existance once their DCs grow up (and are nightmare MIL in the making).

I think as your sister has made it clear she's judging you, stop involving her. If you are paying £10 an hour babysitting, you should be able to find someone else to hire who's not family. Stop involving family in your plans.

Charis1 · 26/04/2015 17:40

I think three times a month is a HUGE luxury - I think I managed three times in the first decade of motherhood!!!!

I don't think it is morally wrong, if you have willing babysitters and you can afford it, but in my experience it is way outside of what most couples manage.

Very unusual, but not unreasonable, if you have the means and can do it.

EatShitDerek · 26/04/2015 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 26/04/2015 17:40

Try the Sitters babysitting agency. It won't cost you anything like that and it won't come with a disapproving look or a lecture, either!

usualsuspect333 · 26/04/2015 17:45

Sounds good to me. Not unusual at all.

Lovelydiscusfish · 26/04/2015 17:46

I don't think it's a lot at all. My dh and I go out (either together or separately) about this often without dd I would say - and would probably go a bit more if we weren't so knackered. Becoming a parent doesn't mean you lose the right to your own time, relationships and interests. Providing, of course, that appropriate arrangements are made to care for the dc in your absence - and in your case this is clearly the case.
Anyone who loves should should just be happy for you, IMO.

Fanfeckintastic · 26/04/2015 17:50

Not unusual at all! Most of the best relationships I know of factor in about that much quality time, it's important!

Fairy13 · 26/04/2015 17:53

I'm a single parent and I go out probably twice a month. I think it's absolutely fine and healthy to have a social life away from your children.

You also do nice family things and that's a great balance to have.

People will always have opinions. My 'friend' felt very strongly that I should not be going out and dating and should be spending all time with my child.

She is no longer my friend (other issues too). Your sister is being unreasonable, but I wouldn't ask her to babysit any longer.

riverboat1 · 26/04/2015 17:56

I don't see what the problem is, sounds like all parties are happy except your sister.

As long as your DP is starting to develop a relationship with your kids and build an understanding of what it might mean to live with them and share a life with them (presuming this is what you want one day) I dont think its a problem you also doing things together without the kids.

shewept · 26/04/2015 17:58

Yanbu to go out. Yabu to assume they are ok babysitting because they are earning money.

Maybe you need to speak to your sister about why she thinks this. Have the kids said anything when she is babysitting. Are her and her niece not wanting to babysit but feel bad saying no?

PureMorning · 26/04/2015 18:01

Fucking hell there's some mummy martyrs on here.

3 nights out of a month away from the kids is too much?!

It says in opening post they spend time with the kids too.
What's wrong wishbone time?

Twasthecatthatdidit · 26/04/2015 18:01

3 times in a decade! My god that sounds crazy. I probably average 3 times a month, sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes with partner, sometimes with friends.

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