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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

36 weeks and OH still drinks at weekends!

75 replies

jelliebelliebee · 26/04/2015 00:39

I am new to this site and I joined as I need some insight. I am 24 years old and 36 weeks pregnant with my first child. My OH untill recently was going out at weekend and staying out till the early hours. After a lot of arguments he finally realised he was taking it too far with the weekend benders. He has been staying in at weekends now, however, he still has a drink. He doesnt get ridiculously drunk, but is deffinetly too drunk to be of any help if I were to go into labour or there was an emergency. He assured me this was his last weekend drinking but I dont believe him. I have this feeling he will drink at the weekends right up till our babies here and I am terrified he is unfit to drive or wont be allowed onto the wards inebriated and misses the biggest moment in our lives. I am so angry at how selfish he is and that he cant see it. Surely if I can give up alcohal for 9 months he can give up for a few weeks?!? He makes me feel like I am being unreasonable and overreacting but surely saying no to a drink at the weekends cant be that hard?? Has anyone else been in this situation? Did your OH stop drinking in the weeks coming up to your due date? Sorry for the long post but im at my wits end with his BS xxx

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2015 00:44

Yes, my OH did about a month before due date (and later, I was massively overdue). He wasn't getting blind drunk before that! At 37 weeks you are 'at term' so basically you could go into labour any time. Is he worried about that? Worried about how you will get to the hospital?

Jackieharris · 26/04/2015 00:46

I don't see a problem with some drinking up to 37 weeks.

If he's the one driving you to hospital then he needs to stay under the limit after that.

However what you describe sounds like problem binge drinking and it seems there are bigger problems in your relationship such as him not being very mature and responsible and you being unhappy with him.

How does he have money for all this drinking? Is he not saving for the baby?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 00:46

I am sorry he is being so unsupportive to you.

My DH didn't give up drinking while I was pg with DS1, but he did cut down - except for one memorable weekend when I was 37w pg, and he went out with his cousin and got rat-arsed. His excuse, when he finally got in to find me with the "Killer Look" on my face was that his uncle could have driven me to the hospital if necessary - I gave him short shrift and said "so your uncle would have been the one to stay with me in labour as well, would he? or did you not think that far ahead?!"

No, he hadn't thought that far ahead. Being made to think of it, and the Killer Look, brought him up short and he didn't drink to excess again until after DS1 was born.

Have you been very specific with him about what his being drunk will cause? Yes you could call an ambulance or a taxi, but what about afterwards? Does he actually realise what he will miss? If he does, and still won't stop, then I'm very sorry for you indeed and hope that he wakes up to himself.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 26/04/2015 00:46

Can you make an alternative plan for getting to hospital and having a friend if he's pissed? It's unlikely in a first labour that a couple of pints will cause an issue. I was in labour for 7 hours before going to hospital so plenty of time for a few drinks to dissipate. However you do need him to understand that he's responsible for a baby at any point in the next few days and he might as well 'Dad Up' now.

Happy36 · 26/04/2015 01:09

Agree with sound and supportive advice from everyone else so far. If he won't stop drinking until the birth perhaps he could have one drink each night with dinner instead if a binge at the weekends?

Original poster
jelliebelliebee · 26/04/2015 01:09

I feel like I have said a million times that he needs to be ready on on the ball when it happens! He swears he wont drink after this weekend and that he has a drink to relax at weekends and will definitely stop when its close to the big day. That is now! But yet again hes out having a drink. A part of me just doesnt believe this is the last time! His argument is always "I know I was over doing it before but I havent been out since and I dont get legless" but to me thats just not good enough! How can it be so hard to just not do something?? I have no doubts in my mind he will be a great dad and other than this one thing we have a great relationship and he is very supportive! But hes just so selfish when it comes to this.. it boggles my mind! Am I right in thinking what hes doing is unfair? Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
jelliebelliebee · 26/04/2015 01:11

And thankyou so far for your posts! Havent read anything yet I dont disagree with! Deffo hitting the nail on the head with how im feelings right now! Thankyou for replying to me xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
jelliebelliebee · 26/04/2015 01:14

Sorry meant to say havent read anything I have disagreed with** getting sleepy now and annoyed lol xx

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 26/04/2015 02:05

Well, being able to drive a car isn't an essential requirement for parenthood at any point. If you go into labour and he's unable to drive, get a cab or go on the bus.

He may have a bit of a drink problem, of course. But if you have spent your entire pregnancy whining and banging on about how We Have To Grow Up Now And Never Have Any More Fun Ever then it's not that surprising he's having a couple of pints while he still has the chance. Parenthood does not have to be martyrdom, and even if you get a kick out of being a martyr, it's not good to try to enforce endless self-sacrifice on an unwilling partner.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 26/04/2015 02:09

You need a plan b anyway in case he can't drive you for some other reason...

Canyouforgiveher · 26/04/2015 02:13

But if you have spent your entire pregnancy whining and banging on about how We Have To Grow Up Now And Never Have Any More Fun Ever then it's not that surprising he's having a couple of pints while he still has the chance. Parenthood does not have to be martyrdom, and even if you get a kick out of being a martyr, it's not good to try to enforce endless self-sacrifice on an unwilling partner.

Did I miss a post where the OP described herself whining and banging on about Now We Have To Grow Up etc. ???

But I agree that if your partner thinks not getting drunk close to your due date is "endless self-sacrifice" then it is not good to try to enforce that. Lots of better options.

Original poster
jelliebelliebee · 26/04/2015 02:14

Ive never once said he had to be a martyr! I have been more than happy for him to let off steam and spend time with his friends and have a drink, he is an adult and I dont tell him what he can and cant do....

The problem is that its almost crunch time and I think its completly inappropriate to be out drinking all hours of the morning when ur heavily pregnant OH could go into labour. I could get a taxi, the nearest maternity hospital is an hour away. That would cost a considerable amount so theres the option of an ambulance (id imagine theyd have this option) but considering he is more than capable, and should actually want to be there for the birth of his own child, sacrifice having a binge drink at the weekend with his mates in the final weeks...

I also commented on how he will be a great dad! I never once said he wouldnt be!

Do not make me out to be some controlling partner who expects her OH to give up his life because she is pregnant! Because I assure yoy right now I am not..

Jumping to conclusions isnt helpful.

OP posts:
Dontunderstand01 · 26/04/2015 05:28

My partner drank throughoutmy pregnancy and I didn't mind tbh. Last few weeks he didn't legless, but had a few. Worst case scenario, you have to get alternative method of transport to hospital. If he has had two or three pints then he should still be capable of being on the ward or supportive, surely! If he is drunk then it's entirely different.

If he is drinking to the point where he is drunk despite you continually asking him to stop then he is a selfish prat.

however · 26/04/2015 05:33

I"m on your side OP. I hope he stops, and I hope he stops when the baby arrives. If not, you've got a problem.

WilburIsSomePig · 26/04/2015 06:00

Solid there's a hell of a lot of assumptions in your post. Its the OPs child, she's probably a but nervous so it's pretty understandable that she wants her DP there with her when the time comes and not pissed in the pub. And I couldn't have just jumped on the bus when I went into labour if my life depended on it because it happened so quickly.

OP my DH stopped at about 35 weeks (DS appeared at 36) so I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Its not just about that though its about just not doing something for a few weeks. Its not exactly a big ask.

Inkanta · 26/04/2015 06:15

Solid - Crikey, 'get a bus' !!

OP yes, I think he's got a problem and you are right to be concerned and annoyed.

Highabove · 26/04/2015 06:21

I really don't remember DH stopping drinking, or it being a concern, but he didn't to out on benders, or even at all really. He would've been having a few at home. I do remembee getting pissed off when he went out without his mobile phone in case I needed to contact him. As it was I was induced so didn't need to.

I hope you get this sorted, but sounds like the issue is more than just how will you get to the hospital.

Cavort · 26/04/2015 06:57

I told DH it was fine to drink more than the drink drive limit as the hospital is only 5 minutes by taxi, but I needed him to remain sober enough to be of assistance, which he was.

My labour lasted 5 days in the end so there was plenty of time to sober up. Confused

AnMum · 26/04/2015 07:02

Get a bus...really? If I had got a bus in labour with DS1 that would have been interesting! My waters poured out every 10mims or so...I'm not sure the driver, the owner of the bus or the other customers would have wanted me there!!! DH stopped drinking at 38 weeks with both ours, not that he would have been drinking to the point of not being able to handle an emergency anyway...three beers probably max.

shewept · 26/04/2015 07:11

If there has been a lots of arguments, how long have you been arguing about this? When do you think would have been the right time to stop drinking?

Have I got this right, he went out at 1am last night? Your OP says he isn't going out but still drinking, then said but yet again he is out? Or have I misunderstood. Because I think leaving the house at 1am is very odd behaviour.

Dh stopped drinking anymore than one, when I got to 37 weeks. I had no reason to think I would have the baby early. He felt better knowing he was always under the limit, just in case.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 26/04/2015 07:16

Sounds like he has a problem and by extension so do you. Sorry.

Superexcited · 26/04/2015 07:20

If you go into labour and he's unable to drive, get a cab or go on the bus.

With both my labours I went from no labour signals to being 10cm dilated within 30 minutes so there would be no chance of me getting a bus or even wanting the discomfort of being in a taxi with a stranger who is probably worried about his seats getting messy.
I think it is ridiculous to suggest that OP gets a bus or a taxi when her DH would be available to drive if he wasn't inebriated. It isn't much to ask her DH to give up drinking for a few weeks so that he is able to drive and alert enough to assist whilst she is in labour. I would also be expecting him to reduce his drinking once the baby arrives so he is capable of helping with night waking.

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate · 26/04/2015 07:22

Ahahaha at 'get a bus'! Shockingly, there are enormous swathes of this country where busses are infrequent or even non-existent. Especially during evenings, overnight and on Sundays. It sounds like OP is in one of these areas given that her nearest maternity unit is an hour away. It can easily be the same story for taxis, particularly at weekends as they are often booked hours in advance for pub & club runs.
In this situation clearly a car is the only viable option. Yanbu OP.

Original poster
jelliebelliebee · 26/04/2015 07:28

He was out from around 6ish that evening and didnt get home till after 2am which was very annoying! Its the first weekend hes been out till that time for a few weeks. That is why I posted because I feel like its square one again. I am nervous that I am going to end up doing most of this on my own! Also when I return to work from mat leave I will be working weekends when he is off and I am concerned if he cant say no to a drink now he isnt going to then. Not exactly a good idea to look after a little one with a hangover! He swears he isnt going to do this and would never drink enough to have a hangover and itd only be a beer or 2 after little ones went to bed for the night. But his behaviour and inability to just say no is making me think otherwise.

This is our only problem right now. Its exhausting and I feel like im going in circles with him.

Thank you so far for the support! Just needed to know I am right to be angry at him. He tries to make it out like im over reacting when we argue about it.

Xxx

OP posts:
TurnItIn · 26/04/2015 07:38

It is absolutely not reasonable for your OH to be out until gone 2am when you are this heavily pregnant.

You are not over reacting.