36 weeks and OH still drinks at weekends!

[jelliebelliebee]

I am new to this site and I joined as I need some insight. I am 24 years old and 36 weeks pregnant with my first child. My OH untill recently was going out at weekend and staying out till the early hours. After a lot of arguments he finally realised he was taking it too far with the weekend benders. He has been staying in at weekends now, however, he still has a drink. He doesnt get ridiculously drunk, but is deffinetly too drunk to be of any help if I were to go into labour or there was an emergency. He assured me this was his last weekend drinking but I dont believe him. I have this feeling he will drink at the weekends right up till our babies here and I am terrified he is unfit to drive or wont be allowed onto the wards inebriated and misses the biggest moment in our lives. I am so angry at how selfish he is and that he cant see it. Surely if I can give up alcohal for 9 months he can give up for a few weeks?!? He makes me feel like I am being unreasonable and overreacting but surely saying no to a drink at the weekends cant be that hard?? Has anyone else been in this situation? Did your OH stop drinking in the weeks coming up to your due date? Sorry for the long post but im at my wits end with his BS xxx

[shewept]

I think he shouldn't be going out and getting wasted when you are heavily pregnant. But, since he has always done this, having to decided to have a child with him I would have accepted it prob till about 37/38 weeks.

But you aren't me. You say you can't tell him what to do. But you are doing that's not a criticism. But you are having to because you feel he isn't putting you and the baby first. All you can do at this point, is speak to him again when he is sober and wait and see if he sticks to it.

If he gets hammered next weekend, I would start looking at alternatives for the birth, do you have family or can his family help?

But if you think he has a drink problem, I think you really need to think about your relationship in the longvter. Especially if he doesn't want to do anything about it.

[littlejohnnydory]

My dh didn't stop drinking. It didn't occur to me that he should and we've got four children! It seems a bit ott to expect him to stop drinking for several weeks. It's highly likely you'll have plenty of warning when you go into labour. Getting completely paralytic isn't ideal either though, there's a middle way!

[SuperMumTum]

I'm 41 weeks with our second DC and my OH is still drinking every night. It pisses me off tbh. Not because he's legless or incapable ( he isn't) but because I am sacrificing so much right now and he can't bear to go a couple of weeks without beer.

[Superexcited]

It's highly likely you'll have plenty of warning when you go into labour.

Not everyone has plenty of warning. I have had two children and both arrived in 2 and a half hours from the onset of labour. I am now pregnant with number 3 and I am quite concerned that DH won't get to the hospital in time if I go into labour whilst he is at work as he works quite far from where we live. I can understand him struggling to get there and be useful if he is at work when everything starts but I wouldn't tolerate it if it was due to him going out drinking.

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Is this really the kind of person you want as a role model for your child?

OP - I suggest that you have a look at some of the threads in the relationships section.

It could be that he is just letting off some steam (24 is very young after all) before the baby gets here, or it could be that you and baby will always come second to his drinking habits.

[Writerwannabe83]

If I was you I would be more concerned about how he's going to be once baby has arrived? He certainly doesn't sound like the responsible and supportive type of man that most new mothers need beside them.....

[gingerbreadmam]

Oh gosh i can really sympathise. Im only 15 weeks but this is worrying me already. My dp rarely goes out but drinks on a friday then usually starts at about 12 on a saturday. Sometimes at home sometimes at the pub. He will then drink till about 8 or 9 when he goes to bed.

Gets on my nerves anyway altho i really have no right to complain as hes always been the same but im worried he wont be able or want to more likely stop it when it gets very close to edd. Also worry about when the baby comes if it continues. Again, i knew all this before so have no real right to complain jus assumed it would kind of change.

I dont know what to suggest. Have you sat down and talked to him about your worries (without having a go about drinking, i know you havent said that you do but with my dp i know that would get his back up).

Might just be that he's naieve if hes a first timer and hasnt really thought about how quick you might need to get to hospital or how awkward it would be having someone else take you.

[Idontseeanydragons]

Going out for a pint or 2 -fine. Going out on a bender when you're so late into pregnancy isn't in my book (and I'm what people could describe as a 'cool wife'). I went into labour with our first at 37 weeks and he went into a bit of a nervous 'my oh could drop at any minute' from around 36 weeks anyway! For the next 2 children he made sure he just had the occasional social drink after that so he could drive me somewhere.
He was 25 when we had our first btw.
YANBU.

[SuburbanRhonda]

cool wife

[TroutQuintet]

A number of people don't drive or have cars - just saying.

[Idontseeanydragons]

Usually in a derogatory way

[RoganJosh]

My DH decided that me being in labour while he was drunk would be awful. Have you tried that tack? We thought from 37 weeks being able to drive was reasonable.

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

YANBU

For all those saying 'get a taxi' all well and good but then the OP won't have a birth partner (unless you have a back up) They don't let drunk people onto wards for obvious reasons.
You might give birth on 40 weeks but you might not. 10% of births are before 37 for a start and then at 37 you're term and could easily go in.
I often here the labour takes ages argument too. It might do, it might not. I had an unexpected emcs so it took less than an hour. DH nearly missed it as it was stone cold sober. Even if it does take ages you might not want to be on your own whilst he sobers up outside.

I'd insist on drink driving limit from now on, or find a new birth partner

[Idontseeanydragons]

Btw I got a taxi to the maternity unit for our first (DP as he was then was at work). Taxi drivers get a bit twitchy when you get in heavily pregnant and ask to be taken to the local hospital. Mine couldn't decide whether to get me there at warp speed or drive as though he had something breakable in his boot.
And kept checking my waters hadn't broke. And worrying about his seat covers.

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

I think you both need to think about after the birth as well. If this is a regular thing for him you'll be doing childcare all week (assuming you'll be on mat leave and he's working) and weekends as well as I wouldn't let anyone drunk or hungover (depending on how they are, if I'm hungover I can barely coordinate!) look after my baby.
He can still go out for drinks of course but the whole getting smashed on a Saturday night thing will need to change when he's a Dad

[chocolatelife]

perhaps OP you should ahve a false alarm
you dont have to own up to it, just make him stop and think for a minute.

[madreloco]

you cant call an ambulance because a taxi would be expensive, ffs, they arent there to save you a couple of quid

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

I had an ambulance because I was hemorrhaging and was chatting to the paramedics - they told me they do not turn up for routine maternity and how many silly calls they get. It has to be an emergency. This was London, but I imagine most of the country has a similar policy

[chocolatelife]

i had a neighbour whose partner did not drive, she talked about calling an ambulance in the event. she was from new zealand. I did try to put her right.
I dont know what happened

[comeagainforbigfudge]

Oh I had a very similar argument with my OH last night. In my case his mates have planned a session (catch up type thing) two weeks before my due date.

Cue me having absolute RAGE. I've been very non-stressy about him having a drink etc as he doesn't tend to much. But these sessions are notoriously messy affairs. So I told him in no uncertain terms that it can't happen.

He did agree and said he'd told his mates it probably wasn't a good idea. (So why it was agreed I don't know). I'm still really annoyed now. But I think it's more about how selfish his friends are. Because it was the only date that suited them..... yep hormonal rage/fear of birth is making me irrational I know. But I promise this is my first bout of it!!

[jelliebelliebee]

When I mentioned the ambulance I meant in a situation that may be an emergency, the post I replied to suggested I get a bus which is ridiculous if there was a reason I had to get there fast... I meant in case of emergency (complications etc) as a means of getting in quickly not as a means of saving money.........

I realise re reading my post I didnt make that clear but It was the early hours of the morning, I was tired and angry and replying to a ridiculous judgemental comment that certainly didnt help when i was seeking helpful advice.

[Jojoanna]

We didn't have a car when I had my first DS so called a taxi. Then my waters broke on route

[specialsubject]

the ambulance service do not like being used as what they call 'matern-a-taxi'. You've 9 months warning of the event so your drunken husband has to step up. He now needs to be on standby to take you to the hospital.

the cost of the taxi there is trivial compared to the costs of raising this baby.

If he can't have the odd drink and has to get gutter-vomitingly drunk every time, you've got bigger problems than this I'm afraid. He needs to get a life; or if it is real addiction, get help. Hope not as getting an addict to recognise a problem is very difficult.

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

However you get there, I'll repeat: they do not let drunk people into the maternity ward. A few drinks are fine, but if someone is visibly drunk theres no way they will let them in. They have the staff and other women and babies to consider.

[PerfectlyPosed]

My DP was a fairly heavy weekend drinker but we had an agreement that he would not drink from 37 weeks especially as I had a feeling I would be early (I wasn't, she went 3 days over ). He was fine with this and also hasn't reverted back to his old ways. He still has a couple of drinks most weekends but at home which is fine. When you become a parent your priorities have to change.