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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel that this is in extremely bad taste

108 replies

SundayBea · 25/04/2015 10:32

My son is two and a half. My cousin who we see on a weekly basis has just had a daughter, obviously I am over the moon for her. But she has just text everyone announcing the name and I am completely gobsmacked as it is the female version of my sons name and when pronounced sounds virtually indistinguishable from his name. Think Leo & Leah but even more similar (only one letter different in the spelling). Every time I say the babies name my son looks up at me thinking I am saying his name. AIBU? Obviously I'm not going to say anything, what would be the point. But I can't help but feel so annoyed, I wouldn't mind if it was distant family but they live 5 mins down the road, the children will probably be going to the same school and we see them all the time!

OP posts:

BuntyBonus · 25/04/2015 14:06

We both have good taste in names op!

I do understand feeling an ownership over names whether it's reasonable or not. When I was pregnant I was worried that someone I knew would have a girl before me and use the name I liked. As it happens I didn't have a girl and wouldn't have used that name anyway but how we feel is not always rational!

PesoPenguin · 25/04/2015 14:33

DS has the male version of his cousins name. We didn't really think of it as that until it was too late and we'd named him (although we were still in the hospital when we realised and checked with SIL that it was ok).

carabos · 25/04/2015 14:35

People are so funny about names. A former colleague has a DD who is 18. Let's call her Evie. Former colleague left the team and was replaced by a woman who became pregnant. For some reason, former colleague took against new colleague and this was made much much worse when new colleague named her baby Evie. Former colleague claimed that new colleague did this to spite her .

HeyDuggee · 25/04/2015 14:40

Don't worry, your son will loudly ask in front of your cousin why the baby has his name.

Think of the fun responses....

She loves your name sooooo much, she named the baby after you :-)

StupidBloodyKindle · 25/04/2015 15:03

I will be the minority in thinking yanbu at all.
Theo and Thea are so bloody similar unless Thea is being pronounced the German way (tay-a).
On the upside it links them in quite a nice way so if they are growing up together it might make them feel they have a special bond.

Blazing88 · 25/04/2015 15:09

OP - I'd be annoyed !I don't think it's odd to be a bit about it.

I mean, come on! HOW many names are there to pick from? Why do people have to pick the same? It's like when someone copies your clothes. Yes, flattering but more than that, it's bloody annoying!

foreverton · 25/04/2015 15:20

Me and dp have names that rhyme, it sounds ridiculous!!

My mum has two sisters who both called their son the exact same(awful) name. It's confusing for the little ones. My late nan just to call them "the boy"

froggyjump · 25/04/2015 15:33

my DH and his brother were not in contact for many years (due to their parents) and when we all met up, our DS1 and their DS2 have the same first and surnames, and the same middle initial - while I get that it is not quite the same as no one was in contact at the time of naming them, it is fun when we are all together, they get 'big xx' and 'little xx'

DextersMistress · 25/04/2015 15:34

foreverton are you
Jeff & Steph?
Jo & Moe?
Pam & Sam?

I don't know why it's important to me!

DextersMistress · 25/04/2015 15:36

froggy a friend of mine found out he had a grown up daughter he'd previously known nothing about. She had the same name as his youngest daughter!

ajandjjmum · 25/04/2015 15:37

We didn't use Victoria, because my brother always said he would call a daughter Victoria. He didn't!

Fortunately there were several girls names that we did like, but he still gets reminded of this occasionally!

AntiHop · 25/04/2015 16:58

Yanbu that would annoy me.

foreverton · 25/04/2015 19:49

Dexter- none of those:) will give u a clue... and out myself... his begins with w, mine begins with e :)

MammaTJ · 25/04/2015 20:06

In the grand scheme of things this is very minor and I hope you see that fairly soon!

FixItUpChappie · 25/04/2015 21:03

That's probably just the name they've always liked OP....you just happened to have a baby first.

my friends have an Ellie and Annie....we have an Elliot and Andy. it just worked out that way - there was no copying, we all just picked the names we like best, which is how it should be.

FixItUpChappie · 25/04/2015 21:05

it is presumptuous to assume they are "copying" - if it's something like Louis/Louise, Alexander/Alexandra - those are common names.

thelastflame · 25/04/2015 21:07

This is really funny because it's made me realise that my cousin did the exact same thing.

I had an Ellis and she had an Ellie 2 years later.

I had not even realised til you started this thread. It's taken 3 years for me to notice.

That's how much of a non-issue this is.

thelastflame · 25/04/2015 21:08

Apologies, I see you caved in to the power of AIBU many posts ago.

DoTheDuckFace · 25/04/2015 21:31

My sister called her son the same first and middle name as my ds1 fair enough we haven't seen each other for years (different mums) but our dad still has two grandsons called Sam jack (not the real name).

Our next door neighbour was pregnant due shortly after me. We both had an older son. I called ds2 the same as her older son and she called hers the same as my ds1.

Ds 2 is named after my ex. Who also had the same name as my brother. Who lived with us at the time. Think I need more imagination.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 25/04/2015 21:31

Well done for taking it on the chin OP.

Shall I tell you all what IS bad taste (IMHO)? A cousin of DH naming their DD the same name as our baby DD who had been stillborn just a few months earlier.

THAT was bad taste, hurtful, a massive shock....

But apparently it was OK, as they had always wanted to use that name for a DD. Oh, and they'd had a miscarriage before so knew what it was like to lose a baby, so we were told.

And yes, it still smarts 10 years on. It took years for me to be in the same room as their DD, hearing my DC calling her name, without fighting back the tears.

Internationer · 25/04/2015 21:31

If I was in your situation, I would be really miffed. I know, I know, no-one owns a name, they'll meet others in life etc etc. But you see these people so often, the names could be confusing, names are so personal, and why couldn't they have picked ANY of the other zillions of options out there!

Thing is, names are funny. As expecting parents, how many of us have a LONG list of options, any of which we'd be happy with??? Most people I know struggle to find one name that feels right for their child, and both parents agree on! You don't know what went on behind the scenes. Maybe one or both of them decided years ago that they wanted their first child to be called X. Or maybe they really struggled and tried to find another name, but just kept coming back to X, and despite knowing that you might be miffed, it really was the only name that felt right for them and this child?

Have you checked back over (the MANY) recent threads here about names? Found any about "I want to call my baby X but my cousin's DS is called Xa and she might not like it. It's a bit telling that they've SMSed you. I've seen advice on here for people in similar situations as your cousin to do just that... To give the other parents a heads-up and give them a chance to work through their understandable emotional reaction.

NotCitrus · 25/04/2015 21:38

Dd and my friends' dd have very similar names - think Annie and Anna.

the two girls think it's great, and when someone said it was confusing, their older siblings explained it was like on Octonauts where you have the Gup-A and the Gup-E. Duh.

It has also ensured that 'Anna' isn't called 'Annie' any more, which I hated...

Topseyt · 25/04/2015 22:40

When I got my Labrador as an 8 week old puppy I gave him the same name as my nephew.

I am sure some people will be at that, but the name suits both of them.

chaletdays · 25/04/2015 22:44

My cousin had a little girl who died when she was two. A couple of years later her sister had a little boy and called him a name that only differed by one letter from his late cousin.
I noticed it, but no one in the family remarked upon it.

Blazing88 · 26/04/2015 13:23

PHANTOM That is awful :( So sorry about your baby daughter. I'm angry on your behalf also! How the bloody hell can they say they know how it feels because they'd had a miscarriage???

I had a mmc at 17weeks. Whilst it was bloody awful at the time, and yes, still sad if I think about it, I would never suggest it was on a par with what you went through. Jesus. Some people!

You see. Millions of names, and still plenty of tossers choose to pick ones that upset others. Speechless!

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