Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To feel that this is in extremely bad taste

108 replies

SundayBea · 25/04/2015 10:32

My son is two and a half. My cousin who we see on a weekly basis has just had a daughter, obviously I am over the moon for her. But she has just text everyone announcing the name and I am completely gobsmacked as it is the female version of my sons name and when pronounced sounds virtually indistinguishable from his name. Think Leo & Leah but even more similar (only one letter different in the spelling). Every time I say the babies name my son looks up at me thinking I am saying his name. AIBU? Obviously I'm not going to say anything, what would be the point. But I can't help but feel so annoyed, I wouldn't mind if it was distant family but they live 5 mins down the road, the children will probably be going to the same school and we see them all the time!

OP posts:

WelcomeToMNMadness · 25/04/2015 11:38

I have to derail a bit and tell you a little story.

My grandma had a sister, "Betty Boop". Grandma and Betty had a cousin, also called Betty Boop. The cousin became a famous entertainer. There are biographies and mentions of her in lots of different publications, memoirs and so forth.

Every one of those publications relating to cousin Betty gives the wrong date of birth and/or the wrong age. I've spoken to several people who knew her professionally who'd been told by Betty herself that she was 5 years younger than she actually was.

I've got a copy of her birth certificate. She "stole" her younger cousin's date of birth to appear five years younger!

Despite this the two Betty Boops got on fine, by the way!

maliaki · 25/04/2015 11:39

Unless you effectively made up his name yourself then YABU, no one owns a name. I wouldn't chose one similar myself, but either your cousin hasn't clicked on that or really liked the name.

hiddenhome · 25/04/2015 11:41

What you need to do is change your son's name. He's still young, so he'll get used to it.

NeedABumChange · 25/04/2015 11:43

I think it's a bit irritating and given the amount of names in the world not nessasary but it's not something to get worked up about.

FujimotosElixir · 25/04/2015 11:46

i once saw a fb war go on between 2 women coz theyd chosen the same names for their daughters ,

RoganJosh · 25/04/2015 11:56

I think it will be pretty irritating at family gatherings and when you see each other weekly.
I wouldn't mind wrt school though as they're different years.

ThinkFirst · 25/04/2015 12:06

My cousin has given her DS the same name as my DS1, doesn't bother me at all.

My late MIL had the same first AND middle name as her older cousin. What makes that even weirder is MIL's DM named BOTH babies (long story).

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/04/2015 12:13

YANBU. In my close family there are 3 of us with the same first name ridiculous. So many names to choose from.

WelcomeToMNMadness · 25/04/2015 12:13

"I think it will be pretty irritating at family gatherings"

Not necessarily. My DS and my cousin, who share the same name, are known as "Big Tarquin-Tylah" and "Little Tarquin-Tylah". [names changed to protect the far from innocent]

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 12:14

I think it's strange to be honest.

Mine and DP's names are very very similar and that's bad

littlesupersparks · 25/04/2015 12:15

Most graceful acceptance of being unreasonable ever!!

Fwiw I think yab a bit u but I can see your point. Others are right - practically it will be fine as time goes on. There are plenty of families with family names father/son/cousins and they all have their own way of distinguishing themselves.

She must think your son is incredibly cute and lovely and have wonderful associations with a similar sounding name :-) x

ellenjames · 25/04/2015 12:28

Guessing it's Alexandra/Alexander wouldn't bother me in the slightest

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 25/04/2015 12:29

Agreed about your follow up OP - nicely done

Personally, i think you were BU, but i guess you know that
Unless your child has a VERY unusual name, then its likely they will bump in to people with the same name....

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 25/04/2015 12:31

could be
Charles/Charlotte
Laurence/Lauren
Samantha/Samuel
Francis/Frances

just off the top of my head

Pedestriana · 25/04/2015 12:36

I don't think it's in 'extremely bad taste'. It is possibly annoying but you can't determine what other people call their children.

I would say you're been a bit unreasonable - I get that your son may initially get confused but that's just one of those things. I'm sure the school has plenty of pupils with the same first name/male and female versions of the same name.

IsItUnusual · 25/04/2015 12:37

Very well taken SundayBea - a gracious acknowledgement of the general consensus.

Although having said that, personally I wouldn't say it was "extremely bad taste" but I side with you and other who said it was a bit strange- not something I'd ever do myself but heigh ho it's been done and I doubt the baby will be renamed now.

Hopefully it's not those name sets that have the same nickname! I could see it getting a bit confusing if it was Alex and Alex or Sam and Sam or something like that!

SilverBirch2015 · 25/04/2015 12:39

I have for many years researching my family tree. This used to be very common, with cousins sharing first names and often families would end up calling each other derivations or nick names to distinguish who they were speaking about.

Mind you I was slightly miffed when a niece called her son the same name as our beloved cat. But it is a great name, so I can see why it was chosen.

WelcomeToMNMadness · 25/04/2015 12:44

"I was slightly miffed when a niece called her son the same name as our beloved cat"

The poor child, going around with the name Tiddles. That's cruel.

BuntyBonus · 25/04/2015 12:44

I'm guessing at Theo/Thea given the example. If it is, both lovely names.

emwithme · 25/04/2015 12:49

When I was growing up, my mum and Aunty were Very Close.

They both were/had been married to men called Jim. They also had a brother Jim.

It was confusing for outsiders some people but once you got your head round "my/our/your" Jim (obviously "my" and "your" would change depending on who was speaking) you knew who was being talked about.

My Gran would refer to her son as "Our Jim" and the other two with their surnames.

(I must admit that apart from a couple of family names, generally used as middle names or "altered" slightly in some way, my family (mum's side, anyway) don't have that much duplication, which bearing in mind my Gran had 6 kids, 17 grandkids and over 40 great-grandkids when she died, is a bit of a feat. BFF's family don't really mind and two of her cousins named their sons the same thing within months of each other)

Crikeyblimey · 25/04/2015 12:52

I have the same be as one oft cousins but as I have 37 cousins, I suppose it was always going to happen.

We like it now we are adults (didn't really know her as a child as she is quite a bit older than me).

We compliment each other on being amazing!! She is referred to iny immediate family as 'Cousin Crikey' as no doubt I am in her's.

SilverBirch2015 · 25/04/2015 12:53

welcome
Snigger

fascicle · 25/04/2015 13:00

I wouldn't say it's 'extremely bad taste' but I do understand possible confusion with family/at family get togethers, and some initial misunderstanding on the part of your son/son's cousin when their names are used.

I had something similar, choosing not call my child a particular name because a same gender cousin had a very similar name but was born a few weeks earlier. The cousins have attended the same schools, and sometimes the same classes, as well as being very good friends, so it could have caused confusion.

Hopefully any confusion will reduce as your ds and cousin grow up. Could you call the cousin a variation of her name so that your son doesn't wonder if you're talking to/about him?

Original poster

SundayBea · 25/04/2015 13:09

Thanks all, good to get a reality check from the general consensus and realise I was being a bit of a silly moo! Also good to get a few sympathising comments so I can justify secretly still feeling slightly miffed even though it's totally unreasonable
Aware that I came across as precious and petty.. it's just that we are such a small, close family and it took me completely by surprise. This board is great for getting a bit of perspective.
3062 that did make me laugh! Bunty, good guess

OP posts:

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 25/04/2015 13:16

In my immediate family we have two of everyone:
(Different names but same format)

My Brother Sam married Ann.
My sister Anne married James.
My brother James married Susan
My sister Sue married Sam.

I have the feminine version of my dad's name. I married & divorced Jack.
My mum is called Jackie.
(I then remarried and broke the tradition!)

My brothers and sisters (and I) went out of our way to give our kids 'individual' names that were unlikely to be replicated - but all of us gave our kids 'family' style middle names.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5