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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit miffed by this? (SIL)

71 replies

wineandcake · 24/04/2015 17:23

Hi everyone

Just wanted to get some insight into what I consider to be very petty on behalf of SIL but not sure if I am being petty for thinking it petty!

So my mum passed away this week after a long and tough battle with dementia. Funeral is next week and we decided it would be nice for the 4 older cousins (aged between 11-16) to read a verse each of her favourite poem, and all cousins (2 younger ones included) are going to say some of their favourite memories.

My DH sister and I have been emailing about the poem/memories just laying out who will say which part etc. In my email, I used the word "paragraph" instead of "verse" when talking about the poem. The response I get from SIL:

Hi J

Yes think that will all work nicely! DCs are just finishing up writing their memories- will send to you when done.

Cxx

p.s it's a verse not a paragraph!

Um..really? I'm not offended as such I just think it's unbelievably petty. The thing is SIL and I have never exactly seen eye to eye. We never had a big bust up or anything but we are SUCH different people and our personalities completely clash. I have a pretty dark, snarky sense of humour. She is fairly thin skinned and takes offence easily and is often mortified by darker humour. It's fine, not an issue, we're just very different. We hadn't seen each other since about 2001 but in 2012 my DB had a stroke (he's fine now) which forced us to spend more time together, and actually everything was fine. I think we were both pleasantly surprised at how easy things were between us. We haven't spoken/seen each other much since but I really feel like we're on fine terms we'll just never be BFFS.

She has always had a bit of a hang up academically though. Her family are all highly academic- (both parents doctorates, MSc herself and her brother doctorate also). DC2 is highly academic, DC1 not as much but still well above average.

My side of the family are not academic really at all. Both myself and my DB (Not her DH, other DB) are dyslexic and struggled a lot at school but I was always very arty and am now an illustrator. DB very dyslexic but has a great job working in IT. Other DB (her DH) by far the most academic out of all of us, but still "just" an undergrad in philosophy but from a RG. Neither of my parents went to uni. SIL has admitted before that her mum is an "academia snob" (Which she is) but it seems SIL has become like it too! I've always felt like she looked down on us all a bit.

It just felt like this was such an unnecessary dig and I have no idea whether to even mention it in my response. As I say I'm not offended I just think it's such a silly thing to even mention. I mean really WHY bother? Am I over thinking this? What would you all think/do in my shoes??

OP posts:

MythicalKings · 24/04/2015 17:26

Overthinking, definitely.

BloggersNetwork · 24/04/2015 17:27

I think you're looking for an outlet for your grief
I am very sorry for you loss

Original poster

wineandcake · 24/04/2015 17:28

ok thanks mythicalkings I'm not one to let things bug me I just felt this was petty. And re-reading I can see it looks like I'm saying that she is an academic snob based off this one comment which is not the case at all. My DB/Her DH often says how her side of the family are all highly snooty academically and she has made little digs over the years so I hope you don't think I am basing all of that off this one comment!

OP posts:

SecretRed · 24/04/2015 17:28

Sounds like a very lighthearted p.s. Overthinking definitely

monkeysaymoo · 24/04/2015 17:29

I think she was petty and rude it would have got my back up. I'd be tempted to send a snarky email back or every time you refer to the readings from now on use the term paragraph not verse just to irritate her

Original poster

wineandcake · 24/04/2015 17:30

i can see where this will go haha I am coming off as the petty one. I do think the context is important but I understand that is very hard to convey over the internet! I will let it go (Not that I was planning on saying anything anyway) but thanks for grounding me :)

OP posts:

yellowdinosauragain · 24/04/2015 17:32

She's being fucking petty. Ignore, and in your reply use paragraph again ;)

autumnboys · 24/04/2015 17:32

I'm really sorry about your Mum.

I don't think you're being over sensitive, considering you've just lost your Mum. I would try and ignore/rise above her very petty comment. I do think later down the line it probably won't bother you as much, but everything is really raw now.

I hope the funeral goes as well as possible.

Whatisaweekend · 24/04/2015 17:32

I wouldn't necessarily say it was a specific dig aimed directly at you, more just her exercising what she sees as her intellectual superiority. I think she would have replied like that to anyone. So, even though I personally think it is incredibly rude to pick someone up like that, I doubt it was aimed at you particularly so I wouldnt take it personally. Just make a face to yourself and move on!

TheCowThatLaughs · 24/04/2015 17:33

It was unpleasant and unnecessary for her to correct you, especially aa you've just lost your mum. She must know that you're not at your best and therefore might be more likely to make mistakes? She might be one of those people, like the ones who correct the spelling of ops who are clearly upset.
Sorry about your mum

Musicaltheatremum · 24/04/2015 17:34

Sorry for your loss. I would reply "well spotted, just testing you had read it properly :-)"

PurpleSwift · 24/04/2015 17:34

You're massively over thinking this.
Sorry about your mum

HamishBamish · 24/04/2015 17:34

I think she was damn rude, especially given you have lost your mother just this week. There was no need to her to make that comment at all.

SlippinJimmy · 24/04/2015 17:34

It would have pissed me off but I'd let it go over my head, I think you should too at the moment. It's understandable though, you've got a lot going on. Sorry to hear about your mum.

littlesupersparks · 24/04/2015 17:36

Write back 'strictly, I suppose, we should refer to it as a stanza, but that's not really the point is it!'

I think you are overthinking it a bit but can understand why it upset you, it was a rather unnecessary comment for sure.

I'm sorry for your loss.

CycleChic · 24/04/2015 17:37

Reply back "Thanks, pedant". I'm sorry for the slow loss of your mother.

Pastelsunset · 24/04/2015 17:39

So sorry about your Mum I am inclined to agree that I think it was 'meant nicely' but obviously you'll feel very grief stricken x

Original poster

wineandcake · 24/04/2015 17:39

thanks everyone I appreciate all the feedback. Reading my post I can absolutely see why it looks like I am overthinking this but as I say it's not like this one comment has made me think "oh she's so snooty." She's always been like it I just thought she could let this one little thing slide especially considering the circumstances!

And yes whatisaweekend I see your point her DC told me once how she had told her that she corrects people's spellings/grammar in work emails!!

OP posts:

InThisTogether · 24/04/2015 17:40

sorry for your loss OP, it's ok if it annoyed you, as you say context is everything and you don't see eye-to-eye, but coldly to a stranger it does seem a bit silly. maybe she thought you would say it to the vicar and feel foolish?

Altinkum · 24/04/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Momagain1 · 24/04/2015 17:41

Littlesuper !!!!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 24/04/2015 17:41

She may have academic intelligence but she seems pretty low on emotional intelligence!

Sorry for your loss

I would ignore. The only good way to respond to that sort of silliness is letting it go.

FelicityGubbins · 24/04/2015 17:41

I would reply with.. Thanks for correcting my mistake when I wrote paragraph instead of verse. I must have been distracted by something, no idea what it could have been....

Momagain1 · 24/04/2015 17:42

Wineandcake: i am sorry for your loss.

Hakluyt · 24/04/2015 17:42

Are you doing an order of service or anything like that? Might she have thought you were going to put it in there and wanted to make sure you got it right?

Alternatively she's a pedant- some people can't help themselves. Grin, shrug and move on.

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