Comments on my daughter

[poppyseedhead]

These are the comments I have had in the past month,

From my Mum, "She is too big now" "She right on the cusp of being overweight"

From my sister " She is alot bigger than when I last saw her" "she has back fat"

From fellow parent in the park "she's massive" "she's so tall"

I am literally shocked by these comments, I just bought her new jeans from new look, fits nicely into size 12 jeans.

She is 5ft 8 1/2.

I don't understand where the comments come from, I don't have anyone to ask if its normal to expect these comments.

I would love to hear from anyone who has received unreasonable comments, and good ideas how to answer.

You know what some people really do have too much to say.
Are people thick. Are they not aware that comments like that can cause eating disorders. As for the crank on the park. I wouldn't dreSm of passing a comment about someone else's child. I'd expect to lose some teeth if not all if I did.
Also I certainly would not say. 5ft 8 and size 12 wS over weight. If there wasn't an average box and I could only place her in the over weight or under weight box. I would certainly put her in the under weight box,

The OP has already stated she is in healthy bmi range.

We don't need to question that. I'm a bit about this desperation for it to be fat denial from some people given that her status as a taller girl WITH HEALTHY BMI has been stated. Take OPS word for it.

And 3 women from the same family commenting on weight means diddly squat. I know big families where they "all think" am average size family member is too thin and diet obsessed families where they "all think" an average size family member is too big.

I was that size and height at 15 back in the 70's. I was fat compared to most other girls.

I am that size now and look fairly slim for my age (and definitely not overweight on BMI calculator)

Should have said, I was a modern size 12 in the 70's, which would have been a 14-16 then.

If you are tall the "healthy" bmi range is huge. You can have a "healthy" bmi but a high percentage body fat if you have a smallish frame. I know because I am tall with a low bmi but actually have quite a lot of fat around my abdomen and am prediabetic.

...as some PP have mentioned, some people struggle with puberty and see it as "fat". I did dance and came from a tall, small busted family on one side. My dance teacher and family members caused my mum yo even take me to the horrified Dr. I was fine weight wise: just big hips and bum with a small waist ... The family were used to seeing a little girl not a young adult, it didnt help I have a "babyface" and wore baggy clothes (giving the impression of a fat torso) and a 34A bra on 32D boobs thanks M&S .The dance teacher was just skewed.

At 5'8 you can be between 8.5 and 11.5 stone and still have a "healthy" bmi.

Which means presumably that most people (BMI being useless for very muscular people) falling within that spectrum would not be overweight.
Healthy doesn't mean scraping the bottom of your bmi (as women are taught).
Nor does it mean having any slight visible fat is unhealthy.

For most people, being in their healthy range - with wobbly bits - is perfectly healthy.

But GOD FORBID WE LET A TEENAGE GIRL HAVE BACK FAT ... BMI must not be strict enough. Other people find her female fat repulsive, or so we heard on the Internet ...

Lol overweight comments are nasty but other parent probably has short children. I reached my adult height of 5'6 at 13 so towered over friends but they soon caught up

I don't think you have to be at the bottom of the bmi range to be healthy. I think It depends on your frame. I think for tall people BMI is pretty meaningless because of differences in frame. The interval widens as you look at taller heights, not because the weight range at which any individual is healthy is wider, but because the weight range across healthy individuals is wider. Ie it's aggregating across small and large frame people. For a given frame size the healthy weight range will be much narrower.

I have spent years thinking I was healthy because my bmi was low when realistically I have a small frame, fuck all muscle and a lot of body fat... And now have prediabetes.

Purple I was a short teenager. Didn't help me comments wise ...you can look more 'rounded' (BTW I was just under 7 stone at the time and very active) compared to tall girls.

Some people just have odd/fixed ideas about what 'fat' is.

There are still people in my family who think I can diet away my bust, and my face is round so I must be fat! At my slimmest I was six and a half stone, fainting/malnourished - still had a round face and 2 beach balls. Looked ridiculous. I'm now eight and a half stone - they don't realise I weigh more because all they see is the face/boobs/bum.

Tarka but on the other hand thanks to conversations like some of this thread, I spent a chunk of my teenage years thinking 'eating disorder' was a weight/BMI not a state of mind. I was at the bottom of my BMI therefore wasn;'t ill (I was - physically too).
As we have no photo of the girl we cannot speculate beyond the fact she's in the healthy range so it's likely she is healthy (especially as I know several tall big framed girls who are over healthy BMI and sportswomen).
Yours is an unusual case - it is far more likely that she is healthy.

And I don't think the comments were based on concern of the development of diabetes in future.
I fear it was more the disgust by some small minded or sadly deluded people for a girl having 'wobbly bits' society hates - whether imagined, down to a bad bra or real.

I don't disagree with you Squizita. It probably is just small mindedness and I don't believe for a second that they are commenting on this indepently so like you said earlier the fact that all three are commenting doesn't make it any more likely to be true.
But having just been diagnosed I am a bit evangelical about this.

Most of the posters are missig the point. It is not acceptable to comment on another person's weight unless they have invited you to. Never mind that of a child.

The only acceptable behaviour is to be respectful.

OP your mother and your sister have been very rude abd have seriously warped attitudes.

are you using a children's bmi calculator, or an adults one?

It is not acceptable to comment on another person's weight unless they have invited you to.
But I understood they were speaking to the op, not the girl.I think a grandmother has the right to speak to her daughter about her granddaughter is she has concerns.

I am using the childs bmi calculator. She weighs 10st 3lb.

That sounds fine to me

I think their comments are disgusting and I'm afraid I would be telling them that. Your daughter sounds to be in a healthy weight range. It is hard to bring up daughters with self confidence and healthy body image without idiots suggesting a perfectly normal young woman is overweight

Please search on here for proper bra fitting instructions. I was measured by M&S for years and always looked like I had back fat and underarm overspill. As soon as I measured myself using the info on here, and learnt how to 'scoop' properly my back and under arm 'fat' disappeared. Not your dd's problem but my boobs look 15 years younger too

My dd has similar numbers to your dd, and has a tiny waist in proportion to her hips. The ever popular skinny style jeans made her look a lot larger than she was happy with, she tried the boyfriend style and they suit her natural shape a lot more.

She sounds fine, but maybe as I say the style clothing she is choosing don't work for her shape.

As to the people commenting you need to have words!