Comments on my daughter

[poppyseedhead]

These are the comments I have had in the past month,

From my Mum, "She is too big now" "She right on the cusp of being overweight"

From my sister " She is alot bigger than when I last saw her" "she has back fat"

From fellow parent in the park "she's massive" "she's so tall"

I am literally shocked by these comments, I just bought her new jeans from new look, fits nicely into size 12 jeans.

She is 5ft 8 1/2.

I don't understand where the comments come from, I don't have anyone to ask if its normal to expect these comments.

I would love to hear from anyone who has received unreasonable comments, and good ideas how to answer.

I'm sure your lovely DD is fine, OP.

DD is the same height as yours, but a year older - she's got plenty of friends who are size 12, I'm sure. She herself is naturally skinny and is affectionately nicknamed bonebag, she weighs 62kg.

People always feel the need to comment.

She sounds absolutely in proportion/right weight to her height. I remember being told at school that I was a) fat, and b) anorexic.

"If she really is a healthy weight, then it's probably just surprise that she's so tall at a young age."

I wouldn't even think of 5'8'' as being all that tall (though I was probably already 5'7'' at that age, and my youngest sister was 5'11'').

^A lot of teenagers grow up before they grow out and stay what would be, for an adult, underweight until 16, 17 or even older.

But not all are like this and just because your daughter has a normal adult figure by her mid teens does not mean she is overweight at all.^

This this this. She has the same measurements as me and I am well within the healthy weight range for my height (though nearly 3 times her age mind you).

I was the same height but much much skinnier at 15. But I had plenty of friends who had a 'normal adult figure' at that age.

Who would say "she has back fat" to or about someone FFS?

Only sensible answer: "Is it my turn to comment on your body now?"

Thank you Alpaca

Girls are getting taller dd is 17 and a few of the girls in her school year are taller than her and she is 5 5 so not teeny her best friend is nearly head and shoulders above her and probably a 12 shapes differ a tall broad girl will be a 12 and a tall lanky girl can be an 8

We are an introverted family, my husband and my 3 children, and the attention is so unwanted.

You could be describing my dd poppy, dd is 14 and is a shade short of 5'8" and wears a 12 and has been told over the years that she is chubby ignore them!!
Dd is under the care of paeds and is weighed and measured 6 mthly and they tell me that dd is sitting just where she should be, her height and weight curved in sync and are now levelling ofF.
A certain amount of fat is normal on a body, how else will a girl have breasts, hips and bottom etc.

My beautiful DTDs were Size 12 & 5ft 8 at 14. They are not of willowy build as I am, more solid like my (huge rugby prop) DH. However, they have always had flat stomachs, and have never looked at all fat. Now they are 28 they are size 10/12 (32 inch inside leg so long jeans etc) and absolutely stunning.

Ask people not to comment, the last thing any young person needs are food issues.

does she have back fat?

How weird!?

dd1 (14) is similar - 61kg, 5 foot 8.5, healthy BMI range but not thin (60th centile). She isn't petite* at all; she gets at least an hour of exercise every day, eats a very healthy diet, is very active, fit & strong - she's healthy & wears a 10/12 ... no back fat!

*my sister is a similar height but 10kg lighter (7th centile) - she is absolutely tiny, tiny wrists, tiny hips & shoulders etc. DD has broad shoulders, size 8 feet, thicker wrists & fingers than mine ... a completely different build.

The more I read threads like this, the more pleased I am that none of my relatives (my own mother included) ever commented on my figure, or my three sisters' figures when we were growing up. Or indeed now.

I agree it's incredibly rude - and possibly damaging - to comment on your DD's weight in front of her.

But...your family might notice the weight creeping on when you wouldn't because they don't (I assume!) see her everyday. Her proportions aren't out of kilter for a normal size, but if she does actually have back fat that would suggest she is indeed heading towards being overweight. And it's much easier to tackle it now than at a later date

The first (and last time) someone commented on my daughters weight was my aunt who told me (in front of her) that she was "gettting a tubby tummy". She was 9, going through puberty & growing up!

I told her to never say crap like that in front of her again, and is it any wonder that kids as young as 6 have issues with the way they look when people call them fat!

Then we (me & dd) walked out the room. It was a bit awkward as we were staying with her at the time, (from abroad) and couldn't leave.

But she didn't mention anything again!

5"8 and size 12 in New Look would make her perfectly slim and "average" (as in medium sized, neither big nor small).

They sound horrible.

Teenagers are insecure enough without nasty comments from their own relatives.

YANBU.

And tbh so what if she had back fat? I have had big hips since I was 15 - people commented and I dieted so hard I would faint. I was skin and bones ... still had big hips. Theyre part of me and i lije them now. Always healthy. We should be teaching kids everyone has some bigger/smaller than average bits, we're not clones or dummies, it's just genetics ... being healthy and happy is important!

Don't even listen, my DD is 16 also 5'8" and a size 12 and she has a fab figure

People always commentated on my size. I was thin. I hated my figure as a result. My DN is apparently my double, size, looks, nature. She is drop dead gorgeous. I spent years in baggy clothes.
I find myself now reassuring my slim children they are not overweight. It's a bloody minefield. People need to learn to keep it zipped, if there are issues unseen by the parents, make sure the child is well out of the way.

Does she have back fat is a ridiculous response what does that even mean girls fat distribution is all over the place at 15 they are still developing, a size 12 on a nearly 6ftyoung woman isnt big a size 12 doesnt mean fat and unhealthy means she had hips and thighs in proportion to her frame.

Oh and I had the "big hips could suggest..." pseudo well meaning stuff from a dance teacher to my mum. The singing teacher bit her head off pointing out that puberty causes some girls to grow big thighs/bum or bust/back when clearly they're not going to suddenly get huge.
I'm glad I overheard that. It's true!

And YY to whoever suggested a good bra - regardless if back fat it's excellent for the posture and exercise.

Im under 5ft a siize 10 in trousers because of my huge bum

Possibly that she's tall. I used to get "oh you are so big now"
When I was 5ft 9 and broad shouldered, not fat!

I was your daughters size at her age. I stayed that size without dieting til late 20s when I put on weight due to meds. After I came off them I lost it by dieting (ie not eating biscuits) Better to be a healthy weight with a healthy attitude to food than model thin obessed with food and 'syns'.

Broadening hips = normal part of puberty for girls

Back fat = tending towards overweight

When I was a kid we seemed to stay skinny for longer.

I was surprised by how young my daughter seemed to develop a figure.

I recently saw a pic of myself at 14 with hips & boobs!

Probably wearing a size 12 & no thigh gap!!

I am 5'10, a size 12 and have a bmi of around 22. But I also have a lot of visceral fat (on my stomach) and prediabetes. Because all of my "size" is fat not muscle. I no longer believe in weight or bmi as measures of healthy body shape. Is your daughter the same or is she larger framed/more muscly build?

Regardless your family should not be so rude.