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Original poster

to ask about child protection plan? (Sorry this is long)

59 replies

concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 09:29

Name changed regular.

Long story cut short, my brother was married to a lady with learning difficulties and they had a son. Son now 8. His wife could stay at home independently with the baby, but could not meet his needs long term on her own if that makes sense? She was always very paranoid and eventually left him due to her having suspicions that he was after a visa (we are not UK nationals, but settled in the UK for many years so visa certainly not an issue)

Her family were very much on board with her as they always had reservations about my forrin brother. They had a good relationship though, could see he looked after her and the baby well etc. Brother had every weekend access, she always made accusations of abuse that were always investigated and deemed to be untrue. Contact during these investigations was always stopped and/or supervised. Social worker report always stated that it was clear that the boy was being manipulated to say certain things etc.

My ex SIL is now in a relationship and is pregnant. (We didn't know this as the boy is always picked up/dropped off with his maternal uncle, so no contact with the mother) My brother got weekend contact again several months ago after an abuse investigation (which again was proved untrue) and got a phone call from social services calling him for a child protection meeting. We were all really shocked, went along for the meeting where his ex wife was with her advocates, 17 other professionals in the room ranging from nephews school teacher to paediatrician to police officer.

We were allowed access to the report half an hour before the meeting started and we were totally horrified at what we read. It was something out of your worst nightmare. How nephew frequently masterbates, encourages classmates to do the same, tries to touch adults genitals etc. Also according to school teacher is emotionally disturbed, has constant anxiety outbursts in class. This is not the loving, friendly boy we know at the weekends!!!

All of this came about as mother claimed that nephew is sexually abusing her boyfriend (!) and claims that my brother instructed him how to etc. There is something we are not being told, a few times my ex SIL went to say things and a police officer said "I advise you not to say that" etc. Her boyfriend is supposedly banned from her home (due to these allegations) but nephews social worker wrote in his report that nephew is frequently sent outside so that boyfriend can enter the house as she cannot cope on her own.

Sorry this is so long, basically the chairperson (?) concluded that ex SIL is not aware of the importance of keeping nephew safe and he is now on child protection list/register. It was stated that nephew is emotionally abused (confirmed) and at likely risk of sexual abuse and neglect. We are completely devastated, can't believe that we haven't been told this before and obviously we are distraught for nephew. My brother has now applied for full custody, all of previous SS reports were positive about how he has a great bond with DN etc.

My question is, if one child is on child protection will the unborn baby automatically be? We are so keen to get DN out of this situation. I can't believe that this has gone on for so long (report states concerns about DN's sexualised behavior/emotional disturbance several years ago) and no one has raised it, let alone a child being allowed to stay in this situation. Court date in 8 weeks so DB has supervise contact until then.

Many thanks if you have read this far!

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 09:34

Just to say there was so much more in the report surrounding DN's mental/physical concerns, but I tried to keep it short.

Do you think it is likely that my DB will get custody? I'm getting the impression that his barrister isn't the best, he previosly told my DB not to apply for custody as courts always rule in mothers favour.

OP posts:
bluebell345 · 24/04/2015 09:45

Sorry for you Db's situation.
did his barrister tell your db that he cant get custody before these sexualized natured concerns were told?
if not find another good solicitor.
the mother has learning disability maybe the son got some of them, have you got that checked?
it is most likely your db will get full custody but I am not a solicitor or anything like that, I am saying this looking at the circumstances.
and a good solicitor is the key.
I would be concerned about the welfare of the new baby as well.
best luck.

Mrsjayy · 24/04/2015 09:49

They try and keep children within familiy i think so ypur brother will be considered the soliciitor sounds very old fashioned and yes its more than likely the baby will be put at risk when its born , what is happening to this little boy is horrific i hope he is safe soon ypur brother should fight for him

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 24/04/2015 09:56

Make sure DB has good legal advice. No one on here can advise whether he would be likely to get custody , though , as we don't have all the facts and arguments in front if us

Yes, if a child is already on SS radar (formally or informally) then subsequent children will be too

Jomato · 24/04/2015 10:01

The answer to your question is yes the unborn child is almost certain to be made subject to a cp plan at some point pre birth. If it hadn't been done at this point there will be a separate conference. Your brother will not be part of this as he is not father of the unborn child.

Also worth noting that your brother should have been spoken to along time before the conference and should have had the reports several days in advance. I'd be complaining about that the the SW manager and/or the chair person. It's really not good enough.

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:05

Yes during the meeting it emerged that DN is seriously behind in school. He has been moved 3 times (which again we didn't know about!) as when DB had supervised access only he was told he was not to have this information? (what school he attends etc) During this meeting he asked what school he is now attending and was told that this info was not to be divulged. I can't understand why though?

I am not sure about the legal side, is it possible to change solicitors at this stage? He doesn't seem to have any fighting spirit in him.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 24/04/2015 10:10

I'm sorry to hear about your nephew's troubles.

I'm not sure I'm following. Is it suspected that your brother is abusing his son? Or the new boyfriend is? Or someone/something else?

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:15

Yes Jomato we were so shocked that this was just landed on us. Concerns were raised years ago about his welfare (by social workers) but nothing was ever said despite being in court and contact centres probably hundreds of times.

I wasn't allowed to speak in the meeting but could raise points quietly to my brother. There are so many things we need answers to. My DB's academic english (report "speak") isn't 100% so the social worker said he could come back another time for one hour to go through it again.

Ex SIL always had a lot of support from her immediate family (they did school drop offs/pick ups, fed DN, took him to activities etc) but it emerged in this meeting that there has been some sort of dispute in the past several years and the only support she now has is the boyfriend.

OP posts:
JoanHickson · 24/04/2015 10:18

If you were invited to the meeting, I assume you could ask for residency of your DN?

It sounds like they don't know if your DB, exsil, someone else or the Stepdad are behind this.

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:21

Kinky over the last 7 years ex SIL has made allegations that DB is sexually abusing DN. Every single investigation has been deemed untrue. It was recorded in court that ex SIL has purposely lied many times. All the social workers reports gave a glowing account of DB.

There is a lot of concern around the boyfriend's character. He apparently spends time alone with DN and claims that DN has tried to perform very explicit sexual acts on him. He is not supposed to have any contact now with DN, but he is being sent outside so he can enter the house (I thought this would be enough for DN to be taken off ex SIL?) Something is not being said though as when ex SIL tried to speak about him the police women advised her to stop.

I feel really lost in this, not sure where to go/who to speak to for the best advice. My heart is breaking for DN.

OP posts:
BaronessEllaSaturday · 24/04/2015 10:24

Is DN currently being left with ex sil to live or has he been placed in foster care?

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:24

I wasn't invited to the meeting, DB was told he could bring one person for support.

Unfortunately I cannot take him as I have children with complex care needs and I doubt that I would be considered, otherwise I would take him in a heartbeat.

OP posts:
Kitsandkids · 24/04/2015 10:25

Where is the child now? Is he still living with his mother or has he been taken into foster care?

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:26

He is still with ex SIL, which due to the nature of the problems I cannot understand why. She has been given a certain length of time to appeal the decision to put him on child protection plan, which her solicitor has advised (he was at the meeting)

OP posts:
JoanHickson · 24/04/2015 10:26

You could ask to be considered and for support to take him.

kinkyfuckery · 24/04/2015 10:29

If support was available, it sounds like he would have a caring home with you (or his dad!)
It sounds as if your nephew was displaying concerning behaviour before the new boyfriend was on the scene? especially if your ex-SIL was accusing your DB of abuse. Do you think she genuinely is concerned about your DB?

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:32

I will do that Joan

Does anyone know if DN will be considered a "risk" to other children now? (From SS's POV) He has been here every weekend and went swimming etc with his cousins and we have never witnessed (or been told by any of the children) any of the behaviours that they say he displays frequently.

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 24/04/2015 10:36

He could be, OP

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:37

kinky we don't know how long the boyfriend has been on the scene, and were told we are not privy to that information. DN calls him Daddy (which again we didn't know about) however the SW told ex SIL that she is not to instruct him to do that (as apparently that was the case) She also changed his first name (which was a non english name) and surname without our knowledge. She was also told this is not allowed.

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:39

That is my fear Closer. DB remarried several years ago and has DTD's who are 1. However DB said that he will live separately to his wife/DTD's if needs be. DN has to be the priority now.

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:44

To answer your question Kinky I think ex SIL wants to believe that DB is abusing him. She wants to eliminate DB out of DN's life. She made allegations that DB had abused him in the contact centre when he was 9 months old. The SW was present at all times and ex SIL was not even there! I think they are very lenient towards her due to her LD.

But certainly they strongly suspect that he has been abused and have referred him to a specialist centre for play therapy to ascertain what is going on. The problem is that the waiting time is around 6 months, so this will not be resolved any time soon.

OP posts:
redexpat · 24/04/2015 10:46

A while back on another thread I found this website which might be of some help to you. Other than that I've nothing useful to add.

It seems v v odd that none of this was mentioned to your DB before now.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/04/2015 10:48

I am so not an expert, but SS are worried about the mothers ability to keep the boy safe hence the meeting, it is evident that she is exposing the boy to an unsafe environment, allowing access to the boyfriend. I am shocked that the boyfriend is blaming the boy for abuse, this should raise concerns with professionals. If I were your DB, I would get good legal representation, and apply through the courts for full residency.

Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:49

Thanks for the link redexpat I will check it out.

It is the secrecy that I can't work out. I also cannot believe this is the child we know. Apparently at school/home he defecates himself regularly. He has never shown any thing like this when with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedaunty · 24/04/2015 10:51

Yes Aeroflot when I read that they were accusing poor DN of abuse I wanted to be sick. Ex SIL seems to be more concerned about keeping her boyfriend in her home than DN :-(

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