aibu to hate seeing kids sitting in shopping trollies?

[mrsfuzzy]

shoes that have walked in god knows what and in the trolley where food goes, never thought about it until i saw a trolley with mud in it at local supermarket !

Mine was a bolter when a toddler, and I couldn't run after him due to disability, so I used reins. If he kicked off, I gave him three warnings then took him straight home.

He was my responsibility, not anyone else's. And I would have been embarrassed to put him with outside shoes on into the food bit of a trolley, even if had been easier for me.

I wouldn't put DS in with muddy shoes, but otherwise I do. All the food is packaged and personally I find touching the handles far more disgusting. I don't however, put my shopping bags on to my kitchen counter to empty!

I hate, hate hate saying this, but...l know that when l was a child it didn't happen.
Children did seem to be better controlled. In supermarkets, and in general actually.
My eldest is only 17 this year, but l swear things look more crazy when l'm out and about these days....
What has happened to parents that has rendered them incapable of restraining their own children?
I see it in cafés...shops..the street.
Are we/they too scared to discipline?
I don't want this to be about 'blame' in my mind it is more a case of "why"

2yr olds can recite the Human Rights Act, instruct lawyers and sue their parents you see.

Archery, we've tried reins, he drops to the floor & refuses to move. I've only put him in the "food bit" of the trolley once so far - when he was having a meltdown & doing his very best octopus impression which meant I couldn't keep hold of him, let alone carry him while keeping the 1yo safe too. It was the only way I could get him out of the shop & home safely. I'd have preferred to deal with his behaviour there because it's my responsibility to teach him how to behave appropriately & then but he was being incredibly disruptive &, as you so rightly pointed out, he's my responsibility & shouldn't inconvenience anyone else. I've not left the house with them by myself for months since that expedition, except to meet up with helpful friends in a contained environment. Mostly I feel I'm failing him by not taking him out to get him used to shops etc. I can't do that though if I can't keep him & DS2 safe.

I have no fear of disciplining my DC. I have yet to find a technique to work for DS1. DS2 is an absolute dream in comparison. I'm not an incompetent parent, I have a child with ASD who doesn't fit in a judgemental, neuro-typical world. I've been a nanny to other toddlers & the only child I've ever struggled with is DS1.

We were never put in trolleys as children but I remember wondering why other children were allowed to. It's not a new phenomenon if it's been around 30-odd years. I expected my mother to be horrified when I told her I'd put him in there but she won't even take him for a walk to their local shop because she's worried she won't cope with him.

I've never really thought much about dirty shoes in trollies. I've still always washed food that isn't packaged because anything could've got on it while in the shop/trolley. It's just common sense, isn't it?!

I know it wouldn't work for single parents but if some kids can't cope with walking around a supermarket wouldn't it be better to leave them at home with the other parent. It isn't safe for DC to go in trolleys.

My ds struggles with lots of things, but it isn't necessarily predictable from day to day, should I just always make sure he stays home?

Sometimes because both parents are SAHP & available all week?

Absolutely hazey. Wouldn't want anyone else to have to deal with just a few minutes of what life can be like 24-7 for a parent of a child with additional needs! Let's just keep all the struggling-to-cope children shut away at home with their other parent. It's not like we want them to learn to function as adults one day...

DH's company has allowed him to work flexi-time so he works an extra hour 4 days & has one afternoon off. It means we can take both DSs out with an extra pair of hands to help DS1 leave the house for something other than nursery which we're beginning to think we might have to stop because he's getting obsessive about one loud child & nearly cries every morning that he's due to go because he's worried the other child might be there. But, y'know, I'll just keep him confined to the house so he doesn't cause problems for anyone else... Maybe lock him in the attic room or something...

I absolutely loathe this but my husband does it and I feel so embarrassed walking round with them.

No child is all that predictable from day to day - though some children obviously have a lot more to deal with than others. So, go out whenever you please, but when they kick off, then yes, take them home. At that point neither they, you or anyone else are benefiting from their presence.

I found this very difficult to do - I was a single parent (still am), job, caring responsibilities, the works, and if I had to walk away from a trolley of food, I didn't know when I would be able to go back into the shop. But I did it, because it was the right thing for DS, for me, and for everyone else around us at that point.

There is, amazingly, a middle ground somewhere in between "lock your children in the attic" and "do what you like, however inappropriate, with resources that other people also use".

So you taught your child they tantrum they get what they want and to leave the situation? How does that help anywhere long term?

Sometimes shopping needs doing, walking away often isn't an option as tempting as it may be.

My 9 yr old has legs that work perfectly, but if he doesn't sit in the trolley he goes bonkers, running everywhere.
I still occasionally take him for short trips to the supermarket as he needs to learn to cope with it.
I get dirty looks and comments for him being in the trolley because he looks fine.
I get more dirty looks and nastier comments when he's out of the trolley, so on balance I'll keep letting him sit there if it means he feels more able to cope.

if I took mine home when then kicked off we'd never leave the house. it only has to happen once and they realise they can get out of anything, ds tried it and I realised I was making it worse by leaving.

I'm a working LP so sometimes they have to do things they hate, even if they're hollering or running riot.

I find middle ground is easy to find with NT children. Not so simple with those with SN.

It's only a trolley. Not a sign that this next generation's going to hell because their parents let them ride on a trolley. With their shoes on.

So you taught your child they tantrum they get what they want and to leave the situation? How does that help anywhere long term?

No, Sirzy, quite the opposite. He would want to stay out. It took time and a lot of effort but it worked, and in the end if he was kicking off, if other methods of calming him down didn't work, just quietly starting to count produced an instant response.

It took being absolutely consistent, though, which I found really difficult.

We must be extra greedy. There isn't room for a wafer-thin mint in my trolley once I get past the chocolate biscuit aisle to the till, let alone one or more of my DC.

Oh for goodness sake, I'm not saying children should be locked up at home all I was saying was that if the only way a child can manage to go around a supermarket is by sitting in a trolley then if there is a choice_ then wouldn't it be better AND SAFER for the child to stay with the other parent they could then do something a lot more fun and a lot safer than sitting in a supermarket trolley.

I used to sit DD2 in the trolley cross legged with her DS console. No whining, no "are we done yet". Bliss.

I'm in the habit of washing my fresh fruit and vegetables before I eat them, as for everything else it's either tinned or wrapped in packaging.

YABU

I would also suggest that kids should learn to behave in different situations.
Locking them in to a device does them no favours.
Why can't they learn to walk round a supermarket at about 3/4? Help a bit?
Learning differences aside,obviously.
And actually, my daughter (6)can fit in the seat still. If l have to l will put her there.

Kids sitting in trolleys - ok. But not standing in them, for safety reasons.

Dd is just 3 and can only just squeeze in the seat, but no way could she be allowed to walk as I wouldn't be able to control her and reach shelves at the same time.

I recall when I was young, children didn't go in the trolley as the trolleys were too small and narrow, and every shopping trip had a soundtrack of wailing and screaming kids. Now parents give their children snacks and trolley rides (or leave them at home) and don't hit them, and it's much more pleasant.

I hate it too but not as much as DOG in the trolley! Luckily where we live no one seems to do either so I shop happily ;)

My son sits happily in the body of the trolley, but can and will escape/plummet from the seat if he is in there, so for us, sitting in the trolley is much safer than being put in the seat.

My sister (now 42yo) still has the scars from tipping over a trolley when she was c. 3yo. I would have been 5 and clearly remember the carnage....

DS is just 2 and is at the dawdle, pick up everything and scream stage or toddlerhood, and DD is 7 mo. Without a trolley with a double seat, it's very hard. Atm I put her car seat into the trolley if there is room, but that won't last forever.