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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU and PFB? Nursery related

72 replies

98percentchocolate · 23/04/2015 18:03

Am I being unreasonable and a bit precious?
Would really appreciate advice from people who have worked or work in nurseries.
Picked DD up yesterday and she was sobbing and not being comforted. They said she was overtired (dd says a child pushed her, nursery have no knowledge of this)
Left it to one side as the women each had another child on their laps at the time. The children weren't upset but I don't know that they weren't ten seconds ago.

Went today and she was sitting in a corner and sobbing her heart out again. On her own. The women in the room were folding washing and ignoring her.
DD says nobody gave her a cuddle whilst she was crying.
There have been a couple of other little incidents but they are more minor annoyances that we can dismiss. (Eg being told incorrect times to drop her off on first day, coming home with poo in her pants)

This has bothered me though. Personally I couldn't see a child crying like that and not give her a cuddle.
Is she in a crap setting or is this just standard?
I should say there were only two other children in the room at the time too.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 23/04/2015 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

museumum · 23/04/2015 18:09

I've never seen a child crying and not being comforted at my sons nursery (although he sounds younger so more staff to children) is your dd over 3?

m0therofdragons · 23/04/2015 18:10

If my dds cry they get cuddles - if someone is caring for my dc, developmental milestones are not my concern I just want them to feel loved.

LimeFizz · 23/04/2015 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nannyplum2015 · 23/04/2015 18:14

I wouldn't send my child back there.

Welshmaenad · 23/04/2015 18:15

It doesn't sound good at all. No way would either if the childcare settings I used ignore a crying child. I once got left in the doorstep of dds nursery for ages at pickup only to be offered profuse apologies as two children had banged heads and the staff had been soothing them rather than answering the door. Shouldn't have happened any other way.

chickenfuckingpox · 23/04/2015 18:15

crap setting move her ive seen staff comfort three children at once in one setting she was sat on the floor and one child began crying (i didnt see why) and two joined in(some children cry when others cry) they all landed on her she shussed cuddled and stroked hair until another staff member came to rescue her

tshirtsuntan · 23/04/2015 18:17

Not normal at all, could you have a meeting with nursery manager? I have worked in many childcare settings and am a parent, this would anger and upset me from either viewpoint.

karinmaria · 23/04/2015 18:18

Definitely not BU and PFB! Meet with the manager, and in the meantime look for alternatives...

WineIsMyMainVice · 23/04/2015 18:21

Not good. I really think with nurseries you have to trust your instincts - and yours is obviously not happy (same as I would be tbh)!
If you can't move her straight away, could you talk to the manager?
Good luck.

Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 23/04/2015 18:22

Ex Nursery Nurse here. That's very poor practice.Talk to the management and look at better nursery for your little one.

mousmous · 23/04/2015 18:24

not normal (there is space on a lap for 2 dc to cuddle for starters)
if a dc is inconsolable and doesn't want cuddles it should be noted in the daily report.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 23/04/2015 18:24

Not quite the same, but at our playgroup (which has quite high ratios because the children are mostly over 3, and some are over 4) children would always be comforted.

catgirl1976 · 23/04/2015 18:28

YANBU

DS has been in a nursery since he was 5 months old and they always cuddle hi imf he's upset (at least I hope they bloody do and he says thye do)

I'd move her.

Goldmandra · 23/04/2015 18:29

Yes, it is poor practice unless she refuses to be comforted by them, in which case, I would expect them the explain that to you. Some children genuinely do not want to be comforted by childcare staff and to persist in offering comfort would cause them more distress.

I would contact the manager and ask for an explanation.

YellowTulips · 23/04/2015 18:29

You are not BU or PFB.

Either speak to the nursery mgr about your concerns or look for a new nursery.

ApocalypseThen · 23/04/2015 18:29

Sounds very peculiar. Obviously, move her. It's not the right place. But does she cry a lot as a rule, would you say?

Ebb · 23/04/2015 18:33

Yanbu! My DD is 4.5 and having a few 'moments' at nursery and the staff always give her a cuddle. They distract when necessary but they'd never leave her crying. I'd be looking at alternatives. You shouldn't have to speak to the manager to make sure your child feels loved and cared for!

Original poster

98percentchocolate · 23/04/2015 18:33

I'm glad I'm not being PFB. I've worked in a school before with preschool but it has been a while so was wondering if things had changed.
She only started last week and we've already had a few incidents I've had to mention to the staff. Will definitely be asking for a meeting with the manager.
She's only there for the funded 15 hours per week (she just turned 3) and has been offered a place at the local preschool starting in September so she doesn't need to be there really. I'm not working so I don't need it for the childcare, she was only going to help her development.
Another thing I'm bothered about (sorry for drip feeding but not really related to this) is that today they only had 30 mins of outside playtime. It is beautiful here. She was there for 5 hours.

OP posts:

Original poster

98percentchocolate · 23/04/2015 18:34

Apocalypse - barely ever. If it was all the time I could almost understand it but the last two days are the first time she has cried there at all.

OP posts:

Marcipex · 23/04/2015 18:37

Awful. Complain to the manager in the morning, and look for another place.
Chores like laundry do have to be done in nurseries, but not at the expense of a crying child.
Coming home soiled....that's trickier. I currently have a blocked nose and might not know if the child didn't say...unless it was a lot of course. Especially if they are playing outside, then it's possible I wouldn't know.

SingingHinnies · 23/04/2015 18:40

dd1 went to a private nursery as a baby and i wish i had acted on some of the concerns i had. She would be left to cry, she didn't walk till she was 18mnths so got frustrated, went to collect her, woman were in the corner laughing while a kid was bashing her about the head with a plastic shovel, she was always upset, screamed at drops offs and unsettled in the house.

I got a phone call at work to say dd had fell of the slide and had damaged her teeth, she had to have them surgically removed, i went ape shit, WTH was she doing on a slide when she can't walk (all my kids didn't walk till they were 18mnth, their DF and his sister didnt either).

I took her out and gave up a really good job as i just couldn't leave her anywhere else knowing what had happened

fieldfare · 23/04/2015 18:41

Doesn't sound good, if you don't need to send her there for work reasons then don't.
I'm a cm'er and don't leave my charges to cry. I've been sat on the sofa with three children draped over me all having a moment. A cuddle doesn't take long and lets them know they're safe.

ApocalypseThen · 23/04/2015 18:43

If it was all the time I could almost understand it but the last two days are the first time she has cried there at all.

I'd be very suspicious then. There are times when a certain amour of crying can be tiresome and it can appear that comforting the child is encouraging it, but that doesn't sound like your situation at all.

LaLyra · 23/04/2015 18:46

If she only started last week and you've already had to flag things up and now this, twice, then trust your instinct and move her somewhere else.

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