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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU and PFB? Nursery related

72 replies

98percentchocolate · 23/04/2015 18:03

Am I being unreasonable and a bit precious?
Would really appreciate advice from people who have worked or work in nurseries.
Picked DD up yesterday and she was sobbing and not being comforted. They said she was overtired (dd says a child pushed her, nursery have no knowledge of this)
Left it to one side as the women each had another child on their laps at the time. The children weren't upset but I don't know that they weren't ten seconds ago.

Went today and she was sitting in a corner and sobbing her heart out again. On her own. The women in the room were folding washing and ignoring her.
DD says nobody gave her a cuddle whilst she was crying.
There have been a couple of other little incidents but they are more minor annoyances that we can dismiss. (Eg being told incorrect times to drop her off on first day, coming home with poo in her pants)

This has bothered me though. Personally I couldn't see a child crying like that and not give her a cuddle.
Is she in a crap setting or is this just standard?
I should say there were only two other children in the room at the time too.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

TiggerLillies · 23/04/2015 23:20

Misreading everything this evening, ignore me, I've total baby brain. Thank goodness the Internet hides my blushes...

sockmatcher · 24/04/2015 00:53

Op what I referred to was headcount day. Which was yesterday in some counties i googled and next week in mine.
What happens if my child switches providers in the middle of a funding period?

We fund the childcare provider that your child is attending during head-count week for the number of hours that your child is attending. This provider receives the funding for your child for the whole funding period. If you change providers during the funding period then your new provider will make a claim on your behalf. We will reclaim back funding from a provider when a child leaves before they have received all their funded hours.

Original poster

98percentchocolate · 24/04/2015 08:38

I've phoned the nursery and have spoken to the deputy manager. She were very apologetic - said that should never happen and that they have policies in place to avoid this kind of scenario and that a distressed child should always come first.
She is going to have a chat with the girls involved to see what happened and will get the nursery manager to call me on Monday when she is next in.
I said DD wouldn't be coming today and we felt like our trust had been broken, that we'd placed our dd in their care and they had neglected her welfare. She (the deputy manager) said that was understandable and regrettable.
I'm still not happy though, she has been saying this morning that she doesn't want to go back. I'm taking her to a nice playgroup today so she can have a positive experience and we have an afternoon in the garden planned.
Going to give the preschool a call today too and explain what has happened and see if they'll allow us to pop our heads in at some point this week so we can show her that she'll be going to a nice new school soon.

OP posts:

Marcipex · 24/04/2015 08:43

That's about as good as you'll get, I think, OP.
THe room staff will make some excuse, there's no proof of anything etc.
I'm glad you've lined up a better option, have fun there.

Original poster

98percentchocolate · 24/04/2015 08:47

I agree Marcipex. I'm expecting them to deny everything or make up an excuse. I can't see us getting any other form of apology.
I've decided on the back of this to withdraw her unless she insists she wants to go next week. If she does then I'll be accompanying her, and if they don't like it then tough. I can't see her wanting to go back though.

OP posts:

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 24/04/2015 11:26

Did you speak to the manager op?

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 24/04/2015 11:30

Sorry cross post didnt see your update. Not good enough in my opinion hope you can find a lovely new nursery. Hope you and your dd are ok.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 24/04/2015 11:33

Oh dear op if they need a policy to be warm and caring it's crap.

I am a cm and can cuddle my 3 and an after schooler all at once. Did do yesterday after they were startled by a helecopter.

As a child care provider the first responsibility is to keep the children safe and the close second is to make them feel loved and regarded.

Frankly I would move her.

I bet though they get an outstanding from Ofsted because the paperwork is covered.

Original poster

98percentchocolate · 27/04/2015 14:08

Just an update on the nursery situation for all the lovely people that took the time to comment or share advice.

Just spoken to the nursery leader - she was very confrontational, told me DD wasn't being ignored as the woman meant to be looking after her was playing with other girls in the room. I told her that wasn't true as I witnessed it myself. She told me that is what they said happened and that she was only crying on her own for a second. I told her it was a minimum of three minutes from when I saw key worker on the door to when I got to her.

I told her I'm concerned for DD's welfare there and she told me I was being "overdramatic", that "nothing bad happened to her" and that she had "apologised so let's leave it at that."

Rude woman. Gave notice immediately. Not sending DD there for another second and have reported to ofsted. Shaking with rage.

OP posts:

sockmatcher · 27/04/2015 16:30

Hi speak to your early years coordinator at your local council too . Not acceptable.

InterOuta · 27/04/2015 16:47

Yanbu. I wouldn't send my child there.

popalot · 27/04/2015 17:56

I'd move her. She's not happy and neither are you.

Marcipex · 27/04/2015 18:29

I'm glad you've reported them, and sorry you're even more upset.
They sound awful.

Marynary · 27/04/2015 19:02

I think it was inevitable that they would claim that she was only crying for a second. However, the fact that they think you are being overdramatic for being concerned about her welfare after you witnessed her crying and being ignored says it all i.e. your instincts were right.

TwoOddSocks · 27/04/2015 19:05

God that's sounds awful, glad you trusted your instincts. Her attitude says it all.

WilburIsSomePig · 27/04/2015 19:11

Bloody hell that's awful. You've done the right thing. I'm an ex nursery nurse and leaving a sobbing is never OK.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/04/2015 19:11

Sorry you're upset op. Can't believe the behaviour out of that nursery leader.
She calls you over dramatic for being concerned about the welfare of your little one. She obviously cares not one jot about the children's welfare.
It seems to me that the place needs closing down.
Disgrace

RumbleMum · 27/04/2015 19:12

Appalling reaction - your instincts were right and I think you've done absolutely the right thing.

Justusemyname · 27/04/2015 19:16

You've done the right thing.

My DD left play school to go to a nursery and wasn't yet happy or settled but couldn't deal with cuddles or being on a lap. One staff member sat on the floor nearby for an hour until DD felt about to get up. I was so when they told me.

Goldmandra · 27/04/2015 19:16

Totally unacceptable.

Make a formal complaint. They have to have a complaints procedure and they will have to demonstrate to Ofsted that they have followed it.

resipsa · 27/04/2015 19:46

You definitely did the right thing if that was the manager's response! Posts like yours always make readers think about their own situation and I'm glad that I know that DD gets cuddles when upset (and when not). In fact, sometimes when I'm hugging her, she calls me by the name(s) of the nursery staff. You and DD deserve this too. Good luck with pre-school.

Original poster

98percentchocolate · 27/04/2015 20:10

Thanks everyone. I've reported to Ofsted and am drafting an email to the local council too. Unfortunately the complaints procedure is just reporting it to this woman. Outrageous.
Hopefully Ofsted will do something but I'm not going to hold my breath as I'm sure they'll talk their way out of it!
It really doesn't seem like the type of establishment to be like this though, when we went to view it all seemed to be run smoothly and very nice. It just shows you never know really.
I had a chat with the preschool she'll be starting at in September earlier and they were fantastic. Really, really lovely and understanding. They have an integration plan that starts in the next couple of weeks and runs through until September which includes home visits by the teacher so the children can get to know them in a familiar environment, etc. It sounds great, so that has made me feel much better.

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