Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peeved that friend has another good sleeper

63 replies

widdle · 23/04/2015 15:57

First child slept through at 4 months old and new DS is now doing 11 hours at night at 4 months!!

Meanwhile my DS (nearly 2) woke at 1:30am thirsty then insisted on lying on top of me then drank so much water he peed through his nappy!

Obviously I'm happy for her not really, I'm incredibly bitter

Wouldn't change DS for the world but did secretly hope she would get a rubbish sleeper just so she could understand my pain.

Please flame away - I'm obviously a horrid person!

OP posts:
Stanky · 23/04/2015 15:59

I have thoughts like this as well. I want to be happy for other people, but deep down I am really horrible.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2015 16:00

If she has been nothing but kind about your situation; YABU.

If she is one of those that gives you 'helpful' hints and tells you it's something you do, or uses the phrase, 'rod for your own back'; YANBU.

Theycallmemellowjello · 23/04/2015 16:00

You joke about it but your attitude is a bit worryig IMO. Are you getting enough support? See gp about potential pnd?

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 23/04/2015 16:01

Was she smug about it? If so YANBU.

Otherwise.....

Puffthemagicfanjo · 23/04/2015 16:02

I've had two shit sleepers. Every time a friend who had a good sleeper has another baby I secretly hope they get a crappy one.

Also, ds2 didn't sleep too badly to start with. It went downhill around four months, iirc. He is now 14 months and has woken up every hour, on the hour, for the last two nights (which is exceptionally shit even for one of my children).

So YANBU. Sleep deprivation is torture.

charmund · 23/04/2015 16:03

I don't think you're horrible - just tired! No one who has a good sleeper knows what it like to have a rubbish one - my DS was amazingly good at sleeping so I was all smug FTP - but revenge was had as my DD still hardly sleeps and she's 15.
Hope you get a decent night soon Smile

MrsTedCrilly · 23/04/2015 16:05

It can all change though! Wink My son slept 12hrs from 2 months to 7 months and then all went to pot when teething began. Now wakes every few hours..

muminhants · 23/04/2015 16:07

My mum was a good sleeper, I was a good sleeper, ds was a good sleeper.

If I had a coat of arms, it would have a dormouse on it. That tells you enough about what my favourite activity is. I couldn't have survived if I hadn't had a good sleeper. So I quit while I was ahead.

Somebodystolemyname · 23/04/2015 16:21

Personally I'm a bit mystified by these people who claim to have babies that sleep ten hours + at a few months old. I've had three children and they were all different some slept better than others but a four month old that could go 11 hours without a feed? No. And I'd be worried they weren't actually getting enough milk if this was the case. Six hours at a stretch is the longest any of mine have done up until at least 6 months. If these babies DO exist then they are very much a rarity and your situation is far more common place. I don't know anyone in real life whose babies have slept so long at such a young age.

Original poster
widdle · 23/04/2015 16:24

I really do want to be happy for her but it's gotten so that I daren't mention DS' sleep because I just get blank looks. Not smugness, not sympathy - she just literally doesn't understand. Not that I mention sleep a lot IYSWIM - I'm not a sleep bore Grin

No PND although I was diagnosed with it in the first year. I think I've gotten so used to surviving on very little sleep it's just a fact of life now. If I hadn't accepted it I think I would be even more bitter.

charmund I think you hit it on the head - if you haven't had a crap sleeper (where literally you don't know what the night ahead is going to bring) you don't understand.

OP posts:
Harbourgirl · 23/04/2015 16:27

I'm exactly the same OP. I also love it when friends who end up with a non sleeper apologise as they acknowledge that they always used to think it was the fault of the parents rather than had anything to do with the baby. It is evil of me but sleep deprivation is a killer.

Original poster
widdle · 23/04/2015 16:28

Somebodystolemyusername - you're absolutely right. Thinking about it she is my only friend with babies of a similar age. Other mothers I've met socially and from what I've read on here seem to have a similar experience to me.

I'll grasp onto that. The good news though is that I'm finding the toddler years (although only at the start of it so far) a piece of piss compared to the first year!

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 23/04/2015 16:28

DS slept through.

It all went to shit at 4 and a half months.

Harbourgirl · 23/04/2015 16:28

A friend of mine has had three good sleepers &, on announcing her fourth pregnancy, one of my first thoughts was "surely her luck can't hold & she'll finally get a non-sleeper"!.

PomeralLights · 23/04/2015 16:30

I reassure myself with the evidence that links bad sleep as a baby to intelligence
But agree with a pp - sleeping that long without a feed, I would be worried. Does she formula feed? If she bfs I would be very worried and potentially waking him up for a feed

Breadrocks · 23/04/2015 16:33

Sorry op, I'm your friend Confused

No seriously I read the first bit and panicked one of my friends had started a thread about me! But the details are slightly different so phew!

My first dc slept through (7-7) at 14 wks, my second dc slept through (7-6) at 4 months. Oldest is nearly three and still sleeps for 12 hours at night and two hours in the afternoon.

In my defence I never tell any of my friends this except when explicitly asked, Especially friends who are having sleep problem with their babies! I'm too scared of them secretly hating me!

In my defence, I never offer advice, or suggest that it's anything they're doing wrong either, some babies just like to sleep and 'get' the night and day thing quicker that's all.

I would also add that I do understand sleep deprivation, as I did have 1-2 hourly feeders in the first few months, before they started sleeping through, and it was hell. I can imagine an elongated experience of that is torture, so I have every sympathy with my friends whose kids don't sleep very well.

In short, yanbu to feel the way you do, but be nice. Its not her fault, and I'm sure she feels for you.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 23/04/2015 16:35

I got 6 or 7 hours when DD was 3 weeks old. Now shes nightmare at bedtime even at 7 years old!!!

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 23/04/2015 16:37

*My mum was a good sleeper, I was a good sleeper, ds was a good sleeper.

If I had a coat of arms, it would have a dormouse on it. That tells you enough about what my favourite activity is. I couldn't have survived if I hadn't had a good sleeper. So I quit while I was ahead.*

i often wonder if good sleeping is genetic?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/04/2015 16:43

Do you live with this child? Didn't think so!
It's very easy for your so called friend to brag that her angel sleeps from 8-8. But the truth is no-one ever knows what's going on behind closed doors. Difference I'd some of us including me. Tell it how it is. Now I say so called friend because she must be rubbing your nose in it.

Original poster
widdle · 23/04/2015 16:43

Ha ha! Breadrocks I hate you (not really)

I know it's not her fault although I sometimes think DS's sleep might be my fault. It's hate this feeling of schadenfreude and can't really explain why I have it. Let's face it - it's not going to make my life any better if she has a rubbish sleeper!

I come from a family of bad sleepers so should have expected it really - I just got sucked into the whole - if you do this that and the other, have a routine etc you will have a baby magically sleep through at 6 months. The baby book industry has a lot to answer for!

OP posts:
ShowMeTheWonder · 23/04/2015 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grapejuicerocks · 23/04/2015 16:45

i'm evil too. I often have thoughts like this Blush

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/04/2015 16:46

You're lucky you didn't have me as a baby or toddler. I only used to sleep for an hour a day and I wouldn't do a full hour I'd do say 10 minutes here and there, I make up for it now though. Grinand To add to the mix I wAs hyperactive.

Original poster
widdle · 23/04/2015 16:46

Iliveinalighthouse she doesn't exactly rub my nose in it but she is one of those people who read all of the baby books, would talk about routines, feeding times etc and generally became a professional mam. I on the other hand became a wreck Grin

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 23/04/2015 16:54

I had three good sleepers. First slept 7-7 from four months, second slept 7-7 from four months, third slept 7-7 from eight months. All brest fed by the way. I know how lucky I was, I don't know how people cope with even one bad sleeper let alone three up and down all night. I do know how debilitating it is not sleeping though, I'm a terrible sleeper myself so at least those with babies won't be living this for too long, I fear I might suffer my whole life.