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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what are the biggest differences once your children start school?

87 replies

CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 13:08

DD is starting school this year and it feels like a weird mix of 'she can't go, she's my baby!' and 'oh thank god'.

So I thought I'd ask you all, what are the positive and negative differences you've found once your children have started school? I can only think of practicalities just now.

Positive
She'll learn how to read (exciting)
Less clothes required
Childcare costs come down, thank god
She will have loads of pals already from nursery and can make more

Negative
I'll have to finally give in and start ironing uniforms...
Homework (urgh)
Tiredness
No more nice afternoons together after nursery
The cliques, bullying, the playground...

These might be way off base, I've really no idea!

OP posts:
Jackieharris · 21/04/2015 13:16

People start to judge you for not working.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 21/04/2015 13:20

Yes, you'll be expected to go back to work if you haven't already...while simulataneously being able to attend anything and everything within woring hours at a moments notice.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 21/04/2015 13:20

*simultaneously

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 13:20

And god knows why; how many jobs are there in anyones local area that fit around school hours and holidays? Maybe 3 at a push.

OP posts:
RedRideMeGood · 21/04/2015 13:21

I could have written this post. DS is so ready for school, I'm just not sure I am.

My days off work are Sunday and Monday so Monday is our time (some weeks he's with his dad on my days off as he works shifts). The rest of the week he is at his dad's or with the childminder after nursery. All I can think about is losing those precious few hours I get to dedicate to doing anything he wants, I already know he doesn't get enough of my tine.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 21/04/2015 13:21

*working (!)

littlejohnnydory · 21/04/2015 13:22

Positive:

She's made a lovely little circle of friends and a positive bond with her teacher - but then she'd have made friends either way.
She's grown in confidence but that could just be maturity.

Negative:

No time together
Rushing round for school pick ups and drop offs
Worries about the curriculum as she gets older
Homework getting in the way of play and home learning
Too tired for activities after school
Having to cut short days out wuth siblings to pick her up.
Less time to play with siblings.
Can you tell I wish she was HE like her brother?

tinkerbellvspredator · 21/04/2015 13:22

I don't iron DD does look crumpled most of the time they spend their time playing outside a lot in Reception and get messy anyway.
No tiredness here that we've noticed, she did give up naps pretty early.
So far no cliques or bullying etc.
Homework is short and simple, though if they don't want to do it it's a pain.

Being restricted to weekends and school holidays to visit attractions and go on holiday is the biggest downside I guess.

Not having to make a lunch for them (and its free) is a plus.

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 13:25

Yes, the holidays!! This is the last year we'll be able to go in term time and the difference in cost is shocking.

I am looking forward to the free school dinners thing, but worried it will be shit. DD wants packed lunch; am I inclined to make one every day when there's free school meals going? Not so much.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 21/04/2015 13:27

I think the biggest- and worst- thing is that school days are the time that parenting generally stops being fun and becomes an endless round of drudgery instead.

You're either shouting at them to get up and dressed on time, or shouting at them to go to bed in time. Constantly walking backwards and forwards to school. Endless washing of the same old fucking jumpers. Nagging them to do homework or find their PE kits. Bloody lunchboxes.

Day in. Day out. For twelve bloody years.

Sorry Grin

Ratfinkandbobo · 21/04/2015 13:31

Grin saucy very true, bloody bedtimes and mornings, aarrgghhhh!

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 13:34

Saucy that's sort of what I was worried about. I feel a bit sad that our days of pottering together are, for a large part, over.

OP posts:
Bragadocia · 21/04/2015 13:40

The lack of freedom during the week is sad after four years of being pretty relaxed. Even for a child at pre-school, you can just say, "DS isn't coming in - we're off to the seaside" and the staff will say, "oh, how lovely!" Now that DS is at school, weekends seem so short. If I didn't need to work, it's enough to make me consider home schooling.

Hoppinggreen · 21/04/2015 13:40

The main thing I noticed was that they don't automatically believe everything you tell them and they come home with information you haven't given them.
You also don't know what they have done all day " nuffink" apparently and they have little in jokes with people you don't know about.
DD and DS have conversations about a world I know far less about than they do.
It's not a bad thing, it's just odd.

Hoppinggreen · 21/04/2015 13:41

Yes, the lack of freedom is awful - probably the worst thing.

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 13:47

Oh yes Hopping I know that one. What did you do at nursery?

Erm, can't remember.

It was literally 8 minutes ago! Hmm Grin

Aw this is making me sad. The worst bit is, I wished it away. All those days of jigsaws and Peppa and dropping naps seemed so long. They're just a blink, really.

OP posts:
Breadrocks · 21/04/2015 14:13

We're having three holidays this year and prob more next! Making the most of cheap breaks before our oldest starts school in sept 2016. Dreading being beholden to term times. One holiday will cost us what 3 or 4 do off peak at the moment Sad
Plus going out for day trips is going to be hideous, we currently avoid weekends and holidays and love being able to explore places without crowds and queues! On the plus side I do enjoy seeing them grow up and love that they're turning into independent little characters, I'm sure school will only help that.

Gamache · 21/04/2015 14:18

I agree with most of the above, positive and negative but would also add a big positive:

Seeing your child develop their own existence apart from you, their own way of being in the world, developing lasting relationships with friends and adults.

It's both wonderful and painful at the same time as you see them become who they are but you no longer know everything about their lives.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/04/2015 14:48

My kids love school. They went back yesterday after Easter hols and were so happy and excited to see their friends. And this time of year there is still plenty of time to go to playgrounds / swimming in the evening.

My top tip would be don't book them into too many activities after school (it is very tempting and easy to do) that way you can still have more relaxed time together.

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 15:39

Ghoul that's a good tip. Luckily DH and I are home at a really reasonable time so we do have 3/4 hours before bedtime.

OP posts:
Honsandrevels · 21/04/2015 15:48

I've one at school and one starting in September.
dd's 2nd week in reception I bought an ironing board as polo shirts are v crumply items.
I found the short notice of school v frustrating. E.g a letter on Monday asking to dress in green, blue and red on Wednesday. 2 days notice of a bake sale, please bring in an empty jam jar tomorrow, dress as a character from Wind in the Willows next week. That sort of thing!

tinkerbellvspredator · 21/04/2015 16:14

DD has asked for packed lunches a few times she was fairly happy to accept my answers: no, maybe in 3 years (!), an economic explanation of how if I had to buy ingredients for packed lunches we would have less money to spend on toys (most acceptable answer).

aintnothinbutagstring · 21/04/2015 18:43

I agree with ganache, it is hard, but lovely to develop into their own person. My dd absolutely loves school and its nice to see her interact with her little school buddies.

duplodon · 21/04/2015 19:09

I don't live in the UK and school here finishes at 1.40 until they're 7, when it will finish at 2.40. It's really irritating, because I have two at home and all the local am activities are 10-12 so 12 and it's very hard to traipse all over, so often I end up just walking to school, walking back, waiting for the next school run. It can feel very trapping. I live for my days at work far more than when ds1 was a toddler. I do find it much more drudgery than I did with none at school.

Andrewofgg · 21/04/2015 19:17

Hoppinggreen That's it. They've suddenly got their own world where you are an outsider, you can't know everything they do any more, no matter how forthcoming the teachers.

The main thing I noticed was that they don't automatically believe everything you tell them.

Indeed. The HT of the school my DS started at eight held a meeting for new parents where he told us - obviously the same line he used every year, that's what teachers do - We won't believe everything they say about you if you don't believe everything they say about us!