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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what are the biggest differences once your children start school?

87 replies

CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 13:08

DD is starting school this year and it feels like a weird mix of 'she can't go, she's my baby!' and 'oh thank god'.

So I thought I'd ask you all, what are the positive and negative differences you've found once your children have started school? I can only think of practicalities just now.

Positive
She'll learn how to read (exciting)
Less clothes required
Childcare costs come down, thank god
She will have loads of pals already from nursery and can make more

Negative
I'll have to finally give in and start ironing uniforms...
Homework (urgh)
Tiredness
No more nice afternoons together after nursery
The cliques, bullying, the playground...

These might be way off base, I've really no idea!

OP posts:
girliefriend · 21/04/2015 21:11

The positives include helping and seeing them learn, I found watching her reading and writing come on really exciting. Also its nice watching new friendships develop and seeing them develop their independence. Also was nice to have a bit of time to myself during the week.

The negatives include feeling like you haven't got as much say over your childs life, some of the other kids not being nice, tiredness and having to get up and out for 9am even on my days off work Shock

bigkidsdidit · 21/04/2015 21:15

My DS1 starts this year too. I can't wait! I loved school, I'm so excited for him to be going too. And buying his pencil case Grin

CharlesRyder · 21/04/2015 21:20

Oh I love DS being in Reception (and he is August born)!

Positives:
He loves his teacher and friends
The topics- we pick them up at home and do visits/ buy related toys and books- it's been really exciting
Long holidays and no homework (he's at a prep that seem to buy into free time)
He is so proud of himself for being able to read and write
He loves his school and already has a sense of loyalty/pride towards it
No tiredness here

I can't think of any negatives. However, we had a bad experience of full time pre-school so maybe we have not lost so much.

I can't bear the thought of him being in Year 1. He is definitely not big enough to be out of EYFS (see- it never gets better!!).

PesoPenguin · 21/04/2015 21:21

Your dc will come back from their first day with a massive attitude, seeing as they're all grown up now Grin don't worry though, it fades when they get used to it!

They do learn so much and DS looooves every topic they do and gets so into it, it's lovely to hear all his new facts ( in his own time, if you ask him he'll say, "I can't remember." Of course).

They make new friends and so will you, more that likely.

I work as a TA and did before DS started school so I can't comment on the structure of the day, as I finish just in time to collect DS from school.

The downsides are: you have to give up a lot of control. You might think you can tell your child what to choose on the lunch menu, but some days you'll be lucky to even find out what they had. It can be frustrating when you think your child should be learning something, but they aren't yet.

MrsSpa · 21/04/2015 21:29

I'm worried about the homework thing - do they really give reception kids homework?? After a difficult time at nursery ending with quitting, DD is going from being home full time (DH and I work shifts so we can share childcare) to 30 hours school per week. So I want her to play when she gets home - whatever she has energy for, but def not homework. Not sure how this will go down with school but I feel really strongly about this...

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 21/04/2015 21:29

MyIronLung just turned four does seem little! It freaks me out that if we lived in England DD would have started school last year. Makes me grateful to be Scottish!

OP posts:
CharlesRyder · 21/04/2015 21:32

I think you will be expected to read MrsSpa. Possibly nothing else.

mewkins · 21/04/2015 21:51

Positives-

School dinners which make my fussy dd actually try new things
Amazingly learning how to concentrate and sit still
Teacher adoration
A sense of belonging

Negatives
The Attitude! !! Dd is 4 going on 15.
Relinquishing control over their day (also a good thing i guess).
Constantly being in a rush
The admin that goes with school life

KERALA1 · 21/04/2015 22:25

Mrs spa in reception ime "homework" is reading a book with the parent twice a week. Dd year 1 and just had her first maths homework - a little game that took 10 minutes and she loved.

It's not 3 hours of quadratic equations per night so I wouldn't bother getting all worked up!

SaucyJack · 21/04/2015 22:41

Yarp- no I don't remember the toddler days as being that marvellous either, but given the choice between a dreary routine day where I have to get dressed and out by 8.30 vs. one where I can stay in my PJs until midday then it's a no-brainer Wink

School does make you appreciate your weekends and holidays much more in its favour. Lazy mornings/movie nights/picnics in the park are all much more of a treat.

MyIronLung · 21/04/2015 22:43

I love Scotland, maybe I should move... Grin

Rockingrobin69 · 21/04/2015 23:25

mrs spa, my son in reception is expected to read every day and is given 3/4 pieces of homework a week to complete by friday

VenusRising · 22/04/2015 00:09

I'd make sure that there are only one or at the very most two classes post school. Music and swimming.

I also suggest that you go to the park with them everyday so they can run around and decompress physically outside the house, before you gro home.
It's difficult to sit still and be good so be patient as there may be acting out at home.

Do lots of maths games, hop along the tables, divide up pizza, play card games.
Reading is all very well, but they need to develop their math reasoning as well, and it's often neglected in the overwhelming obsession drive to read.

If you WOH prepare for the judgemental looks that you have an au pair/ minder to pick them up. If you don't work, and are a SAHP prepare for the judgemental looks that you are wasting your time, also watch out for those who think you're fair game to do emergency childcare as you don't work

You'll have lots of time with your dcs, so don't worry. You will need to work out how to communicate with your dcs so you know what's going on with them, so sit with them to eat.
And have a lot of play dates to winkle out the Nice mummies, and get to hear all the gossip!

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 22/04/2015 00:24

6 million birthday parties.

What did you do today? (gravely) "I do not want to tell you".

The bloody ironing. And endless sorting out of schoolbags - what goes in (different random things every day), what comes out and all the letters and things to deal with.

If you are working, it feels like you get about 2 minutes of free time in between picking them up from childcare, feeding them and then bedtime (for the little ones anyway).

But on the plus side - new friendships, new interests (both mine have found after-school or lunchtime activities they really LOVE and which have really broadened their horizons), learning to read and lots of other new exciting things, making school mum (and dad) friends, if you are lucky some free time while they are at school... and that whole growing-up thing which always seems to be both sad and exciting at the same time (and most of all, inevitable!).

DisappointedOne · 22/04/2015 00:29

Free school meals are only in England. I have to pay £12 per week for the school to feed shit food to my child

fulltothebrim · 22/04/2015 07:35

No negatives here only positives. Kids loved it, I had time to earn money, 4 gym classes a week, time to make a nice home cooked meal for them coming home. Tidy house.

AwfulBeryl · 22/04/2015 07:49

The homework here isn't that time consuming or compulsory.
We have a book to read every night, we used to have a phonics book and had to draw a picture collating to the sound, or they can draw a picture and write a sentence about their weekend. My dts were mostly happy to do it, if they were too tired we just didn't bother.

Maliceaforethought · 22/04/2015 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mercedes519 · 22/04/2015 10:21

I have to break this to all those with DC1 going to school....

They don't need a pencil case at our school. No really. The school provide all the writing implements and I think that's the case in most places.

It made me very sad when DS1 went. DD1 goes in September. As I WOHM it is less of an impact (apart from a massive saving in childcare costs!) but I will miss our Friday afternoons together.

And mostly I feel sad that I won't have 'two small children' anymore. Two children at school feels a very different life and means I can't use the small children excuse for the chaos that is my life

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 22/04/2015 10:52

No pencil case? What is this? That's practically the best bit of school, choosing all of your perfect lovely stationery. Hmm

Really interesting point too about maths being overlooked in favour of reading. That feels true to our house, I guess I should take note of that.

OP posts:
sausagepoo · 22/04/2015 10:56

As a working parent, it's far more complicated - or it was for me - when DC started school. Nursery is 7.30am-6.30pm, they're in one place and you pick up and drop off.
School is a nightmare - the before and after school club is really oversubscribed, so despite being on the waiting list over two years now, he still doesn't have all sessions. This means we've had to change working hours to do drop offs and each day on pick ups I've had to remember where/what he's going and not drive to the wrong place. Two nights a week he's at after school club, one night at his grandparents, one night a friend picks him up and the other night a neighbour takes him to an activity that I then pick him up from. I never know whether I'm coming or going.

I don't iron - I've found the non-iron shirts are OK when straight from tumble drier.

He never suffered from being tired - he loves school and it's great to see them becoming proper little people.

Original poster
CaptainFabulous · 22/04/2015 11:38

sausagepoo (top name by the way) that does sound exhausting. Luckily we have a childminder who'll do before and after three days. Otherwise who knows? My parents work and the ILs aren't really involved to that extent.
So precarious isn't it?

OP posts:
rednsparkley · 22/04/2015 14:21

My youngest starts school this time and for the first time I will have all four of my kids in one location Grin I will only have to be in ONE place for drop-off and pick-up. It's both a beginning and an end for me and I'm excited and a little sad at the same time

I have been a SAHM since 2005 and I'm already getting asked if I'm going back to work in September - errrr no I'm not, I have 10 years of missed lounging around to catch up on Grin I am looking forward to some peace and quiet and some time to potter around. I'm also looking forward to having a briefly tidy house (and possibly an empty washing basket although I don't hold out much hope of that one tbh)

No4 is very excited about school and learning to read. She already knows about 12 of the kids in her class as there is a lot of siblings coming this year so I don't anticipate any trouble settling in (although you never know). I am glad that I get to do pick-up and drop-off and all the never-ending assemblies and recitals and meetings and what have you - like pp have said there is always very little notice of them (and I have attended some of these for kids whose parents can't come due to work commitments)

Quite a few parents know I don't work and I often get requests to collect/drop-off or pick up sick children. None of them take the piss however so I never mind doing it.

ommmward · 22/04/2015 14:39

Positives: looking at my patently non-school-ready oldest child and realising that we didn't have to do it - we didn't have to start school with everyone else at 4, but could home ed until the child wanted to go to school and we also felt they would have a positive experience in school.

It's worked out brilliantly. Loads of opportunities locally, social and educational; still get the cheap holidays; the children get to grow into independence as they are ready for it, not on someone else's timetable; lack of school gate mums; lack of bullying and exclusion; genuinely diverse socio-economic and ideological mix of families in our local HE community, with such a wonderful leavening of children with special needs that none of our children are EVER going to grow up contemptuous of difference; no struggle to get out of the door by 745am 5 days a week.

RosesareSublime · 22/04/2015 14:40

The main thing I noticed was that they don't automatically believe everything you tell them and they come home with information you haven't given them

Grin and Long long boring lectures on recycling and talking to us as if we don't already do it, telling me off for buying water, teachers word is law at that age.