To be really annoyed that DP refuses to tell me where he went?

[ApignamedJasper]

Yesterday I was home from work before DP got back and was on the phone when he got in. He milled around for a while before getting in the car and driving off, didn't attempt to speak to me at all in that time.

He was gone at least 2 hours and didn't answer the phone when I called or messaged him (although we are in a rural area so there is a good chance that he didn't have any signal etc).

When he got back I asked where he went so suddenly and he refused to tell me, just kept saying 'it's private' and 'it's none of your business/nothing to do with you'. Aibu to feel really annoyed and upset that he won't tell me where he was? I'm not trying to keep tabs on him or anything, I don't mind where he went I just think it's common courtesy to let anyone you are in a relationship know where you're going late at night and roughly when you will be back. I have no secrets from DP and would (and do) tell him everything.

Aibu to be really hurt that he won't do the same? He doesn't do it on a regular basis but it has happened before and it's eating away at me where he could have been. I just feel like if it was completely innocent then why wouldn't he tell me? In my mind the only reason he would want to hide where he went is if he knew I wouldn't be happy about it :(

I think there are differences between beinf controlling... Like the examples demanding to know in detail, exactly who they were with, location, and exactly how long... Which in most contexts wouldnt be healthy. To the, friendly, chit chat you have with a close friend /OH...

They are quite different!

it's a power thing. he has knowledge you don't and he wants you not to have it. he could easily tell you, or tell you enough so you're satisfied. but he doesn't want you to be satisfied.

Agree with this. I think, OP, that you need to carefully evaluate whether you want to go into a marriage where there is lack of trust and power play of this kind. This kind of secretive behaviour will be a whole lot more painful when you feel shackled to it because divorcing your husband would mean also not seeing your kids for half the week . I would lay your cards on the table with your dp and say that you will not be able to marry him until this issue (of his choosing to be unnecessarily secretive apparently for kicks) has been talked about and demonstrably resolved.

I have a sometimes secretive h and have recently been through the mill with this kind of behaviour (discovering a retail property he had bought without telling me - as well as being lied to about it when I first found some evidence) and if I could switch my relationship for one where there was open and loving communication, I would.

It upsets you. He knows it upsets you. You say he's done it before. He does it because it upsets you. He wants you to be upset.

Massive red flag for me! Have you managed to speak to him about it again yet?