To deprive my DS of mother and baby groups?

[herdwicksheep]

I am the first within my group of friends to have and DC's.
I've tried attending a few soft plays, groups and the like and quite frankly they are hell.
I have severe social anxiety and find it incredibly difficult to strike up conversation, and I find that all of the mums there are very cliquey and already in set friendship groups.

I am constantly lectured by family and friends who insist that I'm depriving my son by not attending any of these groups.

So, aibu to not attend these groups and places, or should I just deal with it and go?

What age is your DS?

It's tough. I understand how you feel. I found a "game face" that I use in other situations that can leave me gasping for air. I'm better at it than I think. I also chatted to my little 'un a lot which is only a good thing.

I never took either of mine.

Sorry, DS is 9 months!

I didn't bother other than the odd one. Not for me.

Tell these people who are on your back that If it's so important then they can take him.

Of course not!

These groups are only for the parents, not the dc, at that age.
From 2.5 - 3 then it's a time that they benefit from learning to share / take turns / be aware of other dc, but at 9months it's only for the benefit of those parents that feel isolated in their homes all week long. If you don't feel that, then don't go.

I don't go to any (there aren't any around here anyway) my ds is 11 months old. I don't feel that he's deprived at all, he is consistently praised for his confidence, boldness and for being very physically and mentally advanced for his age. He does have two little friends who we see maybe once a month, and he plays nicely with them, but he doesn't seem fussed either way. I do make sure I do lots of activities with him at home, but until he's a bit older I don't see the point. Our doctor said that until they're older toddlers its more for the mothers anyway, and if you're stressed your ds will pick up on it and is unlikely to enjoy it anyway.

I don't go, I've been to two, I hated every moment of it, but I'm not really a "people person" in RL.

to be honest working full time, DS isn't going to one anytime soon. he's 8months now, so he'll just have to wait till he goes to school. He goes to nursery for 2full days a week so I feel he gets his other children interaction in nursery, and the bonus is I don't have to make small talk or fake interest in other people's lives well worth 30 quid .

I found the ones that were more structured a bit easier - less chit chat. For example rhyme time at the library, you all sing rhymes then go home, lovely. The ones where its quite unstructured I found hard.
I think classes are more for you in the early days anyway, pretty sure there was none of this when we grew up either

I feel much better now! I thought I was the only one - I might suggest that they take him along to these groups if they're so desperate to!

YANBU at all

I never took any of my 3 DC to mother and baby groups. In fact I would rather have stuck my had in a hot chip pan

I spent most of the day with my own baby, no way did I fancy being surrounded by everyone else's for a couple of hours.

Horses for courses

Never bothered myself I'm not much of a joiner, only really started posting on MN recently. Your wee one will be fine.

YANBU. I'd rather poke out my own eyes than attend a parent and baby group.

Taken one of my kids once as a toddler, hated every minute of it.

Just do things such as walks, park, shops, soft play, swimming, library aong time etc. a baby doesn't need to go baby groups.

Parent and baby/toddler groups are entirely for the benefit of the parents. that's why they started - as a way to get mums parents out of the house a bit, which is usually a benefit for our mental health. Being at home with small children can be very isolating for some people and toddler groups can be an excellent solution.

My Dc are teens now and I have 2 good friends I met at 2 different toddler groups. However, I know exactly what you mean about the cliquiness. Both my friends were also there alone and the only other person to be alone, which is how we became friends.

If you're not benefiting yourself, there is absolutely no reason to go. DS really isn't going to miss it. If you do feel you could do with a bit of company or a reason to get out of the house, try calling some of the organisers and asking to be introduced to anyone who goes alone. That's how I met my best friend in the world!

I think it's really important to socialise DC from an early age but there are multiple ways of doing this, not just mother and baby groups.

Please don't stay at home all day alone with your baby.

Never went to any of these, dd is now 7 and very social, quite popular and has made her own friends in good time.

YANBU! I haven't been either (DS is 12 months) and have a confident, smiley little lad. I keep thinking about popping to the 'stay and play' as I can't see the parents being in groups as we'll be supervising our babies.

I just used to bring a book if there wasn't anyone interesting to talk to, while DS crawled around with the other babies.

I've never taken any of mine either and I dont intend to take this next one.

I agree with a previous poster, it's sometimes easier to do an activity based group for example messy play, baby signing, yoga. I'm an introvert and have struggled with finding my 'place' in mother and baby groups if you see what I mean but find something structured quite fun. Normally you can concentrate on your dc and you having fun, and socialise if you wish.

And there is no unwritten rule that you must go to groups but do try walks, the park etc if you start to feel a bit isolated.

Don't bother going. Nobody will ever know or care.

I go and my dd (9 months) does enjoy them but I don't think not going is 'depriving her'. The main reason I go is because I struggle to fill out the day! I find it easier to break up the week with structured activities the groups offer. I don't have friends at the groups and don't usually speak to anyone but it gets me out the house, which I found particularly good when the weather was bad.