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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If we had our time again

91 replies

Songlark · 19/04/2015 21:27

I wouldn't have let my best friend down when I met my DH. I devoted too much time to him and eventually my friend and I drifted apart. All my fault and I still feel guilt and regret. If I had my time again I wouldn't do that.
What would you all do different if you had your time again?

OP posts:

thegreylady · 20/04/2015 08:04

I wish I hadn't told my mum to only phone twice a week not every day at tea time, it actually hurts so much when I remember that.
I wish I hadn't told her about my dad wanting to see me naked as a teenager.
I wish I had asked her to live with us after she died.
I wish every day I could have her back for a day or even an hour.
I am older now than she was when she died and I hope she knew how loved she was but I don't think she did.
I have other regrets but at 71 I still want my mum.

Sierraspider · 20/04/2015 08:21

Ide stayed at college. Not got debt out or let my husband get debt out. I would of had my baby anywhere but the hospital I gave birth to her in. I would of saved from as soon as a got my first job. Oh. And when I was 9 I would of told my mum about the sexual abuse that happened to me instead of keeping quiet. Annnd I wouldn't of sold my pony :-(

VeryAgedParent · 20/04/2015 08:28

I wish I had insisted with my parents that I would go to university (this was in the late 60's and unless you were a great achademic girls were not encouraged)
Not ever met or married my first husband.

Floisme · 20/04/2015 08:33

I've just noticed that all the regrets on my list are about things I didn't do.
I must try and remember that.

msgrinch · 20/04/2015 08:40

I'd have left my ex straight away and not had an abortion. If I could only have seen now that a year later he would cheat and leave, I'd have kept my baby. Instead I was a stupid stupid idiot who thought doing what he wanted would keep us together.

I don't know who I hate more, myself or him.

Bonsoir · 20/04/2015 08:44

Not much. I rarely, if ever, forego opportunities. The mistakes and challenges have all taught me things that have helped me grow into the person I am.

londonrach · 20/04/2015 08:46

Id have spent more time with my granny and grandparents but as my uncle said you were just concentrating on growing up. How hard would it have been to have jumped on a train on a friday and get to them before bedtime so spending saturday and some of sunday with them. Twice a year isnt enough. Id also buy a house before the buy to letters came into the market putting the price of a house out of my range. Hear that kirsty alsock and phil spencer what you have reaped!

BeaufortBelle · 20/04/2015 08:49

I regret nothing I've done. But, I wish I'd done it all not trying and hoping to please my mother. I never have and never shall and have faced disappointment every time. I still want to please but feel happier with myself now I realise I can't. MNet and Stately homes taught me she is a narcissist. It took me years to come to terms with all my many perceived inadequacies compared to her perfection. It took me years to realise it was all a facade. Now I have mentioned it my husband agrees and so too do close friends of mine and looking back I think friends of hers do to - except they aren't friends any more because after intense relationships she falls out with people.

I wish I'd known about the complexities of all this 30 years ago and could have dealt with some of my insecurities much earlier. It took me far too long to realise that I wasn't the problem and it saddens me for her sake too but there is nothing I can do about it.

CrohnicallyInflexible · 20/04/2015 09:03

There is relatively very little I regret. Even things that seemed a mistake and caused me a lot of pain (like past relationships) have helped shape who I am today.

Sometimes I think I should have sought an ASD diagnosis sooner. I've just been diagnosed, but had suspicions since I was 18 (over 10 years ago now). But then I think, if I had sought a diagnosis all that time ago, I might have just been dismissed, like I was this time. The difference is, at nearly 30 I had the confidence to pursue it anyway, I don't think I would have done at 18. And if I had got an assessment, I might not have been diagnosed as awareness of AS in women has progressed a lot recently, back then I might have been missed. And I think failing to get a diagnosis would have been a lot more harmful to me than just not seeking one. So I don't really regret not doing it sooner!

The things I really regret are the ones I have no control over. Like with a relative's medical treatment. I gave advice, it was ignored. Turns out if they had listened, they could have been spared a lot of suffering. But realistically, what else could I have done?

Stripyhoglets · 20/04/2015 11:01

I sometimes wish I hadn't become a solicitor, the sector I work in the pay is rubbish and stress high, but then I wouldn't have met DH if I hadn't become one - so I guess that is the reason I did hand over my fees cheque rather than walk out when I was facing my final year of studying and still had no training contract. I feel it's a career that has made me have to become someone I am not naturally.

MustBeLoopy390 · 20/04/2015 11:12

I would have let dd's bio dad walk away and had nc ordered (I said no and thats one of my biggest regrets), I would have told dh how I felt about him earlier, I wouldn't have moved to be closer to my family causing a huge cascade of shit resulting in a severe injury and nc with my family. I would have tried to have contact with my sister before her accident, I wouldn't have turned to drink many times over the past 11 years, I wouldn't have done drugs before dd. I wouldn't have fell into the arms of the 'caring' friend at college and almost lost my dh. I would have said something about half the seats in my wedding venue being empty rather than accepting it. I would have been a better mother in my dd's first year and a half. Fml that's a lot

OrangeVase · 20/04/2015 15:03

MustBeLoopy390 that is a lot. BUT it sounds as if you are still relatively young and have time to make the years ahead much better for yourself and your family. I hope so.

loveareadingthanks · 20/04/2015 16:32

I wish I'd taken up the place I was offered to study something fairly obscure that I now know I could be making a good (and interesting) living at. When I was 19 and could have taken a few risks.

I was stopped by my brand new husband (I know, but I can't regret getting married then as I have my lovely son as a result) who completely made up all sorts of bollocks to stop me, because he was controlling and felt threatened by my doing it. I believed what he said instead of researching it properly myself.

loveareadingthanks · 20/04/2015 16:35

And I hugely, hugely regret losing touch with a couple who'd been fantastic friends to me for years because my ex disapproved of them (different man). I feel so terrible for essentially dumping them by fading out.

Yes, I have spotted the pattern. No, I'm never making that mistake again.

CPtart · 20/04/2015 16:48

I wish I'd spent more time with my dad. He died at 54, I knew he was ill but wasn't expecting him to die.
I wouldn't choose nursing as a career again either. Frustrating on so many counts.

CaramelisedGinger · 20/04/2015 16:51

I wouldn't have had an abusive childhood thanks to parents who never wanted to have a child and I wouldn't have then got into an abusive marriage. I'm now in my 50s and I feel like I have wasted my life.

Sallystyle · 20/04/2015 16:58

I wouldn't have left my ex husband the way I did. We both remarried but now he is dead and it haunts me that I ended it the way I did. I don't regret marrying him as we have three children together.

I wish I wasnt a SAHM for as long as I have been. My job opportunities now are shit.

Cleorapter · 20/04/2015 17:44

I wouldn't have stayed with him instead of going travelling with my friends.

I would have been far away from my Narc mother and wouldn't have to live with her nastiness and control.

My life would have been so different.

JustGiveUpGatekeeper · 20/04/2015 23:54

Should have gone to printing college and eventually took over my Grandpa's screen printing firm. Would have made a good living and enjoyed exploring my artistic side.
But I suspect I would have ended up childless and single living out my days in a remote Cornish cottage with my favourite Aunt.

OrangeVase I've been in that exact same place

Flissypix · 21/04/2015 00:09

I wish I had gone to Uni the first time around its much harder as an adult.
I wish I had been less sensible as a teen/early 20's
I wish I had travelled before dds

notquiteruralbliss · 21/04/2015 06:38

Stayed in London, rather than move out to a village

guest2013 · 21/04/2015 08:55

I wish I'd looked after my body more, exercised, eaten well and never smoked. At 30 I look a lot older than I am because of it.
I wish I'd completed my degree.
I don't regret my children but I wish I had thought about who I was having them with.

fulltothebrim · 21/04/2015 08:57

guest- you are still very young.
It's never too late to start exercise.
I started to exercise when I was 40, and 15 years later have the body of a woman in her 20s.
I am in better shape now than I was at 25.
Don't give up hope just yet.

guest2013 · 21/04/2015 08:59

Thanks for that fulltothebrim

ThatBloodyWoman · 21/04/2015 09:03

I would have never ever given my ex a moments thought,and continued to walk the path I was walking.

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