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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If we had our time again

91 replies

Songlark · 19/04/2015 21:27

I wouldn't have let my best friend down when I met my DH. I devoted too much time to him and eventually my friend and I drifted apart. All my fault and I still feel guilt and regret. If I had my time again I wouldn't do that.
What would you all do different if you had your time again?

OP posts:

GinBunny · 20/04/2015 00:11

I wouldn't have dated him
A 5 year EA relationship that lead on to poor relationship choices and devastating my self-esteem to the extent that nearly 20 years on I am still agoraphobic. I wish I had never met him. I'm sure I'm not the only one on this thread that will say the same.

Levismum · 20/04/2015 00:28

I would have worked harder at uni & concentrated on my career...

Ludoole · 20/04/2015 00:34

I wouldnt have put my self out to help a friend with childcare or listened for hours to her late night phone angst... Since she found a fella ive been discarded....

ilovesooty · 20/04/2015 00:41

I would have listened to my gut feeling and given back word on my last teaching job the day after the interview. It might have saved me 10 years of distress and a total breakdown.

On the other hand, if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have the wonderful career I have now.

I would have called time on my marriage much earlier.

Mermaidhair · 20/04/2015 05:54

If I had my time over, I would have made my dh have a bowel check for cancer. It's so easily treatable in the early stages. He passed away 13 months ago:( Such a waste:( It still stuffs with my head.

Mermaidhair · 20/04/2015 05:55

Oh and I would never turned him down for sex??

toomuchtooold · 20/04/2015 06:15

I wish I had gone private after my first miscarriage instead of retaining faith in an NHS that wants to be infallible and all things to all people but can't actually afford to be.

FatherBiggley · 20/04/2015 06:25

I wish I'd spent the 4 years my husband worked nights doing something like learning an instrument or a language or trying to make friends instead of posting shit on Facebook. I've wasted a horrific amount of time and now I've got a 7 week old baby I can teach nothing to and no friends.

wanderingcloud · 20/04/2015 06:57

I'd go back and not go into teaching. It's a career dead end, you get so far in and it's impossible to get out without a huge sacrifice. I used to enjoy it but now I hate what the job has become. I feel trapped in a career I don't enjoy by the reality of having a mortgage to pay and a family to support.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 20/04/2015 07:01

I would've ignored all the negativity and followed my dream of becoming an air stewardess. Instead I wasted 2 years studying beauty therapy knowing deep down it wasn't for me, but I met one of my best friends there so I guess I got a gain

fulltothebrim · 20/04/2015 07:03

I would change nothing. My experiences, good and bad have made me who I am.

Non je ne regrette rien.

cailindana · 20/04/2015 07:03

I also wouldn't have trained to be a teacher. What a waste that was.

WilburIsSomePig · 20/04/2015 07:07

I wouldn't have left my first husband or treated him like shit. He was a nice person and didn't deserve it. I will always regret it and always feel guilty but I guess that's my payback.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 20/04/2015 07:08

I wouldn't have cheated on my first long term boyfriend. He never found out, and we wouldn't have stayed together anyway (we were completely wrong for each other), but it's not who I am and I regret it every day. I despise cheats and I am one.

WilburIsSomePig · 20/04/2015 07:10

I think we should regret certain things Brim I think that's how we learn from our experiences and understand our own behavior; I've certainly learned from mine. Mind you there's no point in going over and over things in your head (like I do! )

happystory · 20/04/2015 07:12

I would have put the happiness of dh and I before that of my feuding family and gone to live abroad when we had the chance and were young and fancy-free.

Floisme · 20/04/2015 07:14

I'd have applied for Oxford (teachers wanted me to but I was too scared).

Dumped him the first time he cheated instead of hanging on for 10 years.

Gone to see my dad the day before he died - I could have done but had no idea it was imminent.

Coldcabbagestew · 20/04/2015 07:19

Floisme - not applying to Oxbridge is one of my lifetime regrets too (though realistically it probably wouldn't have changed what I am doing now)

I wish I hadn't drunk so much at Uni (and at various other times in my life) Got myself into numerous situations that have done nothing for my self esteem.

Openup41 · 20/04/2015 07:25

Stood up to the bullies at school.

Not allowed the bullying to affect my studies. I had a lot of potential but just about managed to survive each day.

Stood up to so called friends who took advantage of my kind nature.

Not entered a relationship in the late 90's. I was EA for five years.

Not entering a career that commanded a salary of at least £100k plus per year. I would have far more choices/could do far more for my dc. This eats at me every day.

Floisme · 20/04/2015 07:26

Same here Cold and I'm happy enough with my job etc, I just wish I'd had a go!

TwartFaceBeetj · 20/04/2015 07:27

I would have taken the trainee job at the blue-chip company, and done some of the training aboard, with very good long term prospects. But with a temporary pay cut to what I was use to at the time. I felt loyal to a small family firm I was at, and didn't want to let them down. Hahahaa shame they didn't feel that loyalty to me.
I also didn't want to go abroad and leave my then loser of a boyfriend behind.

WaitingForMe · 20/04/2015 07:28

I also regret nothing. While I'd love to have not married my first husband, being unhappily married resulted in me talking to two people online. One is now one of my closest friends and the other is DH.

DH once said he'd wished he'd met me before his ex but I pointed out that while an 8 year age gap is nothing when you're in your thirties, my parents wouldn't have been very supportive of a 23 year old pursuing their 15 year old. They also had two gorgeous boys he could never regret.

So it all rather works out for a reason I feel. And as a survivor of an abusive marriage, I go through life being a bit like Pollyanna

TheWordFactory · 20/04/2015 07:29

I wish I'd taken up a fabulous work opportunity that came up a couple of years ago.

I turned it down for all the right reasons and bothing bad happened as a result but now having a second bite of the cherry I can see that a. This is something I love and b. It is going to be much harder to pull off now the DC are in the throng of GCSEs/ AS/ A level.

TwartFaceBeetj · 20/04/2015 07:46

Ohhh to be young at that time again, the choices were abundant, job offers would come in 3 or 4 at a time, and I would sit totally confused as to which would be better for me. I unfortunately always let my heart rule my head.

Now I struggle to fill an application for a few measly hours on minimum wage at chain retail company.

Don't regret my dh or children though. So swings and round abouts.

WilburIsSomePig · 20/04/2015 07:53

Actually you're right Waiting. If I hadn't left my first husband I wouldn't have my beautiful DCs now.

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