Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't open your neighbour's door to call out to them?

80 replies

ImNameyChangey · 19/04/2015 15:29

Bloody neighbour. Has boundary issues. I do like her but she is hard work sometimes.

I was just telling my Dd off (she was spreading peanut butter on the counter top) when my neighbour pushed open my front door wide...(kitchen is very close to front door) and stuck her head in and started to ask me a question.

I'm afraid I snapped "Can we close the door please!!" ...she did...and said "Sorry>" as she did it.

But really?? Would you do this? We are on friendly terms and if my door was wide open then fine...come to the entrance and call through. But it was SHUT! Not on the latch but SHUT!

OP posts:
lertgush · 20/04/2015 02:41

I specifically checked this with our insurance agent and leaving doors unlocked does not invalidate the insurance.

NadiaWadia · 20/04/2015 03:03

Oh, that's interesting, because DD's friend was alone in her shared student house, she was upstairs (in the daytime), and a window was open downstairs, someone came in through the window (with a knife) and stole a laptop. The insurance refused to pay up (and that was only a window). I did think it a bit unreasonable of the insurance company. But don't they normally have a clause saying that there must be signs of 'forced entry'?

Still I suppose maybe all policies are different.

paxtecum · 20/04/2015 06:02

I'm surprised she didn't come in and shut the door behind her.
Have you seen her since you told her off?

I think YABU.

SulpherTuft · 20/04/2015 06:26

In the village where my Mum lives it is quite normal to knock on the door as you open it, calling 'hello' as you pop your head round the door and start coming in. She shouldn't have interrupted you though. It sounds as if you are generally irritated by her, so no bad thing to set boundaries.

Goldmandra · 20/04/2015 08:29

Perfectly normal where I live, especially in farmhouses. In fact, I think it would be seen as a bit odd to knock and stand outside at some of the houses.

My neighbour and I do it to each other all the time when the doors are unlocked and the children are in and out playing.

Maybe your neighbour grew up somewhere like this. You could have just explained politely rather than snapping at her.

laurierf · 20/04/2015 08:40

What? YANBU.

I can't believe all these people who think it's ok for someone to just open your front door without knocking (unless you have given them permission to do so) and the OP was being unreasonable for snapping at her. I would have had a fair few things to say to that neighbour - "can we close the door please!" was mild!

FenellaFellorick · 20/04/2015 08:47

yanbu. The point is not what other people like to do but that you do not want people just walking into your home. And that's fine. If you don't have that arrangement, if that's not something that's ok between the two of you then she shouldn't do it.

I am happy for my family and friends to just walk into my house. That has got sweet fa to do with your situation and doesn't mean that because that's how I do it, that you have to be ok with your friends doing it.

Perhaps find a good time to say to her sorry for being sharp with you but I was very surprised to find you suddenly in my house, I prefer people to knock.

or something maybe worded in a more friendly manner.

ScathingContempt · 20/04/2015 09:30

You snapped at her because you were having a perfectly reasonable snappy moment in the privacy of your own home. She barged into that without warning so she has to take you as she finds you. You shouldn't have a sunny disposition on at all times just in case someone decides to walk into your home. It's not a public place!

A poster above said that it's not like she was invading your privacy... I don't understand, if you can't expect privacy in your own home where can you expect it?

Neighbours popping in unannounced only works if you have that kind of friendship. My parents have a neighbour like that and when I'm staying at theirs I'm used to her doing it but if anyone else did, or my own neighbours did, I'd find it extremely rude.

Original poster
ImNameyChangey · 20/04/2015 09:40

I've seen her and apologised for snapping but I did tell her that really unless the door is propped open that she should knock. I made a joke out of it and said that DH might be wandering about naked. She had the good grace to laugh at that and express how much she'd hate to see that Grin

I've never done it to her...her door is often propped open but I knock on it and call if I want her.

Whoever asked if this is the neighbour I posted about the other day...no...it's not. It's a different one! This is the joy of living so close to other people I suppose.

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 20/04/2015 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Owllady · 20/04/2015 09:43

I live in the country and wouldn't expect someone to do this either!

SuperheroMummy · 20/04/2015 10:13

I live out in the sticks. My neighbour and I knock and walk in to each other's houses. Most of my friends just walk in as the door is left unlocked when we are in (and sometimes when we are out!!). Those of my friends who live in town mostly keep their door locked but the ones who don't, I just knock and walk in with a shout. Even the postman opens our door and gives a shout that he's leaving a parcel inside (if my DS hasn't got to the door first).
I think YABU if your neighbour could see you and opened your door. Wouldn't you have opened the door to her anyway? Hmm

laurierf · 20/04/2015 10:21

"Wouldn't you have opened the door to her anyway? hmm"

Because she was busy doing something in the privacy of her own home and did not want uninvited visitors at that particular moment.

Unless you have prior permission to come and go as you please, don't just open someone's door and enter their home and assume they'll be fine with it - it's bloody rude!

Goldmandra · 20/04/2015 11:43

Unless you have prior permission to come and go as you please, don't just open someone's door and enter their home and assume they'll be fine with it - it's bloody rude!

It's clear that you do exactly that in some areas but perhaps not in most. It's just a cultural difference and this neighbour made a mistake by doing it in an area where it isn't the norm. That's all.

Miggsie · 20/04/2015 11:45

In some cultures this is perfectly acceptable - you can open someone's door but you MUST then shout out to show you are there, this is considered the right thing to do.

We Brits are more the "press the doorbell" types.

laurierf · 20/04/2015 12:03

Does everyone have to modify their behaviour in their own homes then (i.e. make sure they're fully dressed all the time, having sex in the bedroom behind closed doors, not having an argument etc.) or are you quite happy for all and sundry to arrive whilst you're making coffee in your pants, as long as they shout 'cooee' at you?!

I've lived in huge cities and tiny rural villages… so grateful I've never lived somewhere where this sort of intrusion is deemed acceptable and normal!!

HellKitty · 20/04/2015 12:12

I could never understand those 80s middle class sitcoms where the neighbours and all and sundry would just pop in whenever they felt like it.

Sounds like hell.

SomewhereIBelong · 20/04/2015 12:26

if I'm making coffee in my pants, having sex wherever, I would still have the door locked... In the unwritten pop-straight-inner-rules, you wouldn't walk in from the hallway to another room without having been acknowledged anyhow...

Original poster
ImNameyChangey · 20/04/2015 13:36

Confused Hmm Don't you read my posts?? I said she was NOT the same woman!

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 20/04/2015 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ImNameyChangey · 20/04/2015 16:23

I'm not UN calm thank you.

OP posts:
LowryFan · 20/04/2015 16:27

My neighbour did something similar and I had to have a word. Otherwise I'd be hiding all summer while she waltzed about. I like my private space too much to be laidback

PeppermintCrayon · 20/04/2015 16:34

Totally misread "making coffee in my pants" and wondered why you'd put the coffee there...

laurierf · 20/04/2015 17:48

No Peppermint, you didn't misread… which is why I don't want neighbours 'cooeeing' in my hallway Wink (and actually my front door opens onto my kitchen, where I can often be found doing all sorts of things whilst in my pants).

Goldmandra · 20/04/2015 17:57

No Peppermint, you didn't misread… which is why I don't want neighbours 'cooeeing' in my hallway

I do hope you use clean pants. Don't they leak a bit?

Swipe left for the next trending thread