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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 8yro ds in to nearby woods without an adult

81 replies

Favouritethings · 18/04/2015 12:12

I let ds out to play around the estate where we live. It's a secluded private estate, everyone knows each other, very safe and lots of green areas where the children play. I'm fine with this. He wears a watch and is back by set time. He has just knocked to ask if he can go to nearby woods (5 min walk away, out of our estate) with his friends aged 9, 9 and 11. I said no, ran it past dh who also agreed it's a no. Ds thinks we are being unfair as his friends are allowed to. I just feel it's too risky and I'm just not comfortable with the idea. Would you have let your 8yro go?

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 18/04/2015 12:13

I wouldn't.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/04/2015 12:14

No way would I have let any of mine, I'm anxious by nature anyway so it would be an immediate no to a child of 8 years of age.

parsnipbob · 18/04/2015 12:14

I would, but I don't think YABU - he's your DS after all!!

Chancewouldbefinething · 18/04/2015 12:15

I wouldn't

DoraGora · 18/04/2015 12:16

I wouldn't, any more than I'd leave a 50 pound note on the pavement outside. I live in a nice street. But, that's not the point.

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/04/2015 12:18

I would if there's four of them together, just for half an hour this first time.

Original poster
Favouritethings · 18/04/2015 12:22

It's a large woods frequented by dog walkers etc, it's not a slightly wooded area. A roads walk away too. It's just such a no from me... But wondered what others opinions would be

OP posts:
Original poster
Favouritethings · 18/04/2015 12:23

That's a good idea for the future ihave

OP posts:
hidingfromthem · 18/04/2015 12:25

It's an emphatic no from me.
That's exactly the kind of setting where people could disappear, be assaulted, murdered or raped.
i'd be worried if he was 16 and in there, never mind pre-teen.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2015 12:27

Nope, no way.

ragged · 18/04/2015 12:27

At 8yo with friends yes I would let mine, have to know the friends are good sort who won't be horrid & rules are he has to come back with they do.

At 8yo by self I wouldn't let mine go, although my parents would have let me go alone at that age no problem (and I don't think they were wrong, either).

expatinscotland · 18/04/2015 12:28

No.

Cocolepew · 18/04/2015 12:29

I would if he was with friends, not on his own.

sunbathe · 18/04/2015 12:31

With good friends, yes.
That's the sort of thing we did as kids.

OrlandoWoolf · 18/04/2015 12:32

How many children have been kidnapped and assaulted by strangers recently?

my2centsis · 18/04/2015 12:32

No way

Becles · 18/04/2015 12:32

Rather than an instinctive no, are you able to articulate the reasons to yourself and then to him?

There could be goals to work towards if it's a case of not listening or coming back when expected etc, but at the same time you need to own when you are seeing a shadow under the bed. You can agree that parents are over protective if there isn't a real problem, but such is life or discuss next steps.

parsnipbob · 18/04/2015 12:38

Hiding that's a bit OTT. I was assaulted in a crowded street once. On the other hand I used to play in woods all the time and had nothing bad happen, ever. Not even a close encounter.

It's actually exceedingly rare for children to be assaulted or killed by a stranger. My hear crimes are most often committed by someone they know.

It's the OP's decision, of course.

StarlingMurmuration · 18/04/2015 12:43

No chance... But like a pp said, I'm very anxious by nature.

I think it's good that he asked, though. At his age, I used to roam for miles with friends down an old disused railway line that led to a country park, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask permission. That was nearly thirty years ago though.

Mehitabel6 · 18/04/2015 12:44

I would if he was with 3 friends and they knew to stay together.
Only you know the friends and the wood.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2015 12:44

We live in a very naice area, just near some fairly extensive woodland, with dozens of paths into/through the woods. It's a dream for kids with streams, dens, foraging etc.

But no way for an eight year old on their own. My DC have older friends who are just starting to be more independent, and they want to tag along, but that's life, they will come to it in a few years time.

For now, it's an emphatic no.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2015 12:45

YDNBU. I don't know any sane parent who would allow their child to play in the woods without an adult. Good God it's a terrifying thought but any pervert could be lurking in there.
I doubt or I'll be very surprised if you get anyone say yabu

OrlandoWoolf · 18/04/2015 12:47

So he wants to play with 4 friends in the woods and you said no.

What do you think could happen?

Do you think it will affect his friendship?

Original poster
Favouritethings · 18/04/2015 12:49

He threw a strop on the doorstep when I said no so I told him to come inside to cool off for a bit. He burst into tears once he was inside as he was embarassed I'd said no and disappointed. I explained to him that I felt he was too young, that I didn't want his older friends to be responsible for him, that I can't ensure his safety as well as when he's on the estate and pointed out that one of the 9yros and the 11yro can sometimes upset him. Ds will quite often come back saying one of them/both of them are picking on him again. I said what if you're in the woods and they're unkind, you can't just storm off on your own back home.

OP posts:
OrlandoWoolf · 18/04/2015 12:51

You can't keep kids safe. Kids will get bruises, broken arms, lost etc. But the worst outcomes are very rare.

Weigh that against the positives of growing up, bonding,exploring and having fun with your friends.

What do you think could happen?

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