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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my 8yro ds in to nearby woods without an adult

81 replies

Favouritethings · 18/04/2015 12:12

I let ds out to play around the estate where we live. It's a secluded private estate, everyone knows each other, very safe and lots of green areas where the children play. I'm fine with this. He wears a watch and is back by set time. He has just knocked to ask if he can go to nearby woods (5 min walk away, out of our estate) with his friends aged 9, 9 and 11. I said no, ran it past dh who also agreed it's a no. Ds thinks we are being unfair as his friends are allowed to. I just feel it's too risky and I'm just not comfortable with the idea. Would you have let your 8yro go?

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2015 12:52

Oh gosh, even more of a no if the 'friends' aren't always that friendly!

YANBU OP.

alleypalley · 18/04/2015 12:52

I think I would. I spent much of my childhood playing in the local woods from about the age of 7/8. We lived in a small cut-de-sac and most of the kids, of all ages played out there.

MythicalKings · 18/04/2015 12:52

YABU.

I grew up next to woods and played in them from the age of 7 with friends.

I feel so sorry for your DS.

bananayellow · 18/04/2015 12:53

I was happy for them to play on the estate at that age, but certainly not in woods with or without friends.

I'd not be happy for a older teen to be walking on their own through there either, although obviously wouldn't mind them with friends. Hell, I'd be a bit nervous on my own too, even though I'd give myself a good talking to, and tell myself not to be ridiculous.

OrlandoWoolf · 18/04/2015 12:55

Woods are great.

I feel sorry for a lot of children on here. I think some posters would have a fit if they saw what happened on the estate near me.

Floggingmolly · 18/04/2015 12:56

I'm obviously over anxious as well; because it's just occurred to me that I actually wouldn't be particularly comfortable walking through isolated woods by myself. A definite no to an 8 year old, even with friends.

shewept · 18/04/2015 12:56

It would be a no from me especially if there have been problems before I think 8 is a little too young.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2015 13:02

Weigh that against the positives of growing up, bonding,exploring and having fun with your friends

My kids get bruises, scraped knees, broken arms (well, once), etc. and do all of the above.

We take them into the woods and keep a safe distance whilst they go off and do their 'thing', clambering onto islands, building dens, leaping across streams etc. They play for hours happily, without us getting in the way.

I don't think for one second that my DC are missing out by not being allowed into the woods at the age of eight without an adult close by.

OrlandoWoolf · 18/04/2015 13:07

Independence

Being able to make decisions without an adult hovering in the background.

Like I said - what do those who would refuse think could happen?

bananayellow · 18/04/2015 13:13

Well I wouldn't and I've let my kids do things a lot earlier than many parents.

hidingfromthem · 18/04/2015 13:14

his 'friends' don't sound very nice.
what if they took off on him just for shits and giggles and left him on his own in those woods?
he'd be very vulnerable then.
he's only 8.
his friends seem like they have dickhead tendencies, so its even more of a no from me.

Comingoutofhibernation · 18/04/2015 13:15

YANBU. From what you have said there are logical reasons why you are not comfortable with it, distance from home, chance of falling out with friends and getting lost etc. I am a great believer in giving kids freedom, as far as possible, but 8 is still on the young side to be playing out without an adult, so I don't think it is unreasonable to restrict him to familiar places close to home, where there are adults he knows nearby.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2015 13:18

Orlando, my DC are very happy to have us there 'hovering' in the background. The woods are massive, their sense of freedom is well-catered for. They're not missing out by having someone to run back to when they've had enough. Honest.

You know precisely what the list of 'things that could happen' would contain, and I get the feeling that you would possibly disagree with the validity of all them

I agree that kids need independence and challenges, but at the age of eight, I'm still responsible for my DC's safety, and I can't do that from a mile away.

Live and let live, I guess.

UrbaneLandlord · 18/04/2015 13:22

I'd be interested to read any statistics about children who actually come to harm "playing with their friends in the woods".

My bet is that that they are actually at less risk than in many other situations e.g. at friends' houses, playgrounds, etc.

I would suggest that the OP is projecting anxiety rather than doing a real risk assessment & management exercise.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 18/04/2015 13:23

It's a no from me. DS is 10 and it would still be a no unless he was with a very sensible 13+ year old - and they had a mobile phone for emergencies.
I know lots of 11 yo and none of them are responsible enough 100% of the time to look after an 8yo and make the right judgements. These sound particularly immature if they sometimes upset your DS, and yes, I would fear there would be running off or scaring him - maybe making fires/playing with knives/cigarettes. So, even for an older child, I would want lots of details before agreeing.

DD is 15, in the same way I still need to know where whe is going, who with, what they will be doing and when they will be back. If it's a sleepover I want to know they will be in before dark and a parent is there overnight.

FlaviaAlbia · 18/04/2015 13:23

Depends on the friends I think. I was allowed to play in woods at that age but I was with my best friend and we didn't tend to fall out.

Your DC, your decision so no, YANBU.

OneNIght · 18/04/2015 13:26

Being able to make decisions without an adult hovering in the background.

At eight years old, you don't necessarily make great decisions.

Years ago at that age, I had the sort of childhood many of you are talking about: leaving the house after breakfast, back for lunch and teatime and left to our own devices in between.

I had full bricks dropped on my head from a tree by some slightly older children who were playing a game, nearly drowned twice and was seriously assaulted once: those are just the things I remember right away so I have little doubt there were other instances.

It's your judgement though OP.

LondonRocks · 18/04/2015 13:26

They don't sound like nice friends. So, no, definitely not.

Marcipex · 18/04/2015 13:29

No, especially now you have said the friends are not all that nice.
Also, if he has half an hour and the others have longer, then he may be making his way back alone.

Black2catsgreen4eyes · 18/04/2015 13:30

YY OneNight - I also had a childhood like something from the Famous Five and I'm still amazed I didn't come to any serious harm.

I have an eight year old DS and would not be letting him into woods with other children to play.

laughingcow13 · 18/04/2015 13:34

My boys loved playing the woods with their friends at this age.I am stunned that so many people think it is a no no

PHANTOMnamechanger · 18/04/2015 13:34

We went for a walk in the woods about 200 yards from our house one day this week - opposite the end of our road, across one field and there they are. we walked about 4 miles in a loop. very rural, but with several access points from a busy B road at the side. otherwise surrounded by farmland.

sometimes the path was not clearly marked and we had to guess which rabbit track to follow.
we came across 2 old rusty vehicles covered in weeds etc 20+ years old at a guess - just the sort of thing a gang of boys would want to be all over.
There were abandoned rusty "oil drum" type things containing god knows what in one clearing.
a stile with barbed wire blocking it
and we had to cross a field where a tractor was to-ing and fro-ing.

We also had the crap scared out of us more than once by a pheasant leaping up and crossing our path with a loud squawk!

I am not aware of anyone having come to harm or seen anyone dodgy in these woods in all the 15 yrs we have lived here, but the above list are just some of the reasons a child should not go unsupervised, IMO.

ragged · 18/04/2015 13:35

As for not being nice... it's a fine line. They can't learn the limits of being horrid to each other without some practice. In a good gang they learn to stand up for themselves and the others, it's not all bad if there's some squabbles & occasional unpleasantness. They learn a lot from it. Usually everyone takes turns being horrid, too.

I think people also miss the point when gangs of child friends go out. The eldest is not 'responsible' for the others. They are all responsible for each other, they are all there to watch out for each other, to make sure there's minimal bullying and if anyone gets into trouble (at any age) that someone can raise the alarm.

Bowlersarm · 18/04/2015 13:37

YANBU, it would be a definite no from me.

Original poster

Favouritethings · 18/04/2015 13:43

I wouldn't feel too sorry for him mythical he is a tree climbing, grazed kneed, covered in mud, plays out dawn to dusk (weekends/holidays!), toast marshmallows on the fire pit, camping with cubs, fishing with dh kind of lad. He does not go without! I'm just uneasy about this! It's not that I think the woods are full of raving lunatics. I just don't feel he's quite mature/responsible enough for it quite yet. I've not risk assessed it no, although being a childminder I could. The level of risk statistically would be low, I agree. It's pure unease, that's all.

OP posts:

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