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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends should not make everyone walk at pace of their toddler?

83 replies

GuestCat · 17/04/2015 13:49

My friends have a 2.5-year-old DD. They rarely use a buggy though sometimes they carry her when she's tired.

I find it really annoying that when we go anywhere with them, we all have to walk at their DD's pace (which is naturally a snail's pace). I hate walking slowly. It takes ages to get anywhere and I feel they should carry her so we can all walk at normal pace. Eg last weekend we went for a country walk, there were 6 adults and 4 older children, older children ran on ahead but adults felt obliged to walk at toddler pace and talk. She likes holding parents' hands and swinging on them, which is even slower. Its the same when we go on days out.

AIBU to think they should put her in a buggy or carry her to avoid slowing down the whole group? Should I say something?

OP posts:
DoJo · 17/04/2015 15:45

How do you contain a wayward 2 year old that is FAST and unwilling to hold hands!

A vice-like grip and the threat of being strapped into the buggy in my case. After a few months of that, he does now understand that the options are limited and that charging off on his own is NOT one of them, but it took a lot of dangling, dragging and being forcibly strapped into the buggy to get to that point and he does still need the odd 'reminder' to keep him in line.

TheIronGnome · 17/04/2015 15:46

2.5 is CERTAINLY not too old for a buggy, how ridiculous.

YANBU

meglet · 17/04/2015 15:47

personally I'd have her in a buggy. used one until 4.5 here, no time for dawdling most days.

jimijack · 17/04/2015 15:50

I pride myself on my vice like grip, it's the high pitched screaming, throwing to the ground palarva that gets me,
Sigh...

Jackieharris · 17/04/2015 15:54

Yabu

No ones forcing you to go on these walks.

Have a little tolerance.

If you had a friend with a disability would you ask the same question?

Ludways · 17/04/2015 15:54

Can't it be a combination of both?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 17/04/2015 15:55

I dont know any 2.5yo who dawdles Grin they all race along full of energy Ive no idea where it comes from!

Carry a 2.5yo? yabu. Just walk faster and leave the toddler and their parents behind.

AGirlCalledBoB · 17/04/2015 15:58

No one is forcing you to walk with them and what do you expect them to do.

Strap their child in the buggy to suit you, carry her all the time. It's a country walk and am sure her child enjoyed the walk.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 17/04/2015 15:58

i have a walking toddler rucksack for sale if you would like to give your friend a gift :)

MsJupiter · 17/04/2015 16:05

2.5 is definitely not too old for a buggy - DS is full of energy but likes to go up and down driveways and hills, stop and look at every flower, bee, rubbish bin Confused and bus, turn around and go off in his own direction with no notice and suddenly sit down and declare he is not walking any further. 2.5 year olds are curious, fickle creatures and if we need to get somewhere in a hurry or keep up with other adults the buggy is essential.

I think it really depends on the kind of walk you're going on, if it's a nature walk or something then dawdling should be expected and encouraged. If it's walking round a town centre then either they need to bring a buggy or toddler sling or you politely suggest you'll meet them for lunch.

Mrscog · 17/04/2015 16:09

2.5 is not too old for a buggy on certain occasions jimijack, my DS is 3.1 and it's only now really that I think we can say it's almost ditched for good, but I can still envisage certain days out with lots of walking, or an urgent blast around town where I absolutely cannot dawdle where I might pop him in. At Christmas he nearly knocked over an elderly man when he was charging along the street - I am pg with SPD, and he got his hand out of mine for a split second. I couldn't catch him up immediately. In retrospect I was being ridiculous not having him in the pushchair on such a busy day when I was so debilitated but I allowed judgy '2.10 is too old' style comments cloud my judgement. Since then I've just decided that some people on here have easier toddlers than mine was!

SpiritOfTheRitz · 17/04/2015 16:40

I think you are being a bit intolerant. What if it was an older child that couldn't walk fast? Or an adult? Presumably you would slow your pace for them?

Toddlers do need to learn to walk and to join in, and what better time than on a country walk or a day out? Better then, than when you are in a rush or on a busy street. Surely a day out should be a bit leisurely?

I had ditched the buggy by 2 years, because I rely on public transport a lot - and because DD hated being in it -, and it just became natural to walk at DD's pace. I probably still do walk at her pace, however she has now had so much practice at walking that she can go on and on for miles, and isn't slow at all. She knows that sometimes we have to go briskly, (because we are trying to catch the train), and that sometimes it's OK for her to dawdle around looking at her surroundings or to run on ahead, but sometimes she has to walk beside me holding my hand, and matching my pace. She knows those things because she has been walking in so many different situations with me, for a long time (she's 3 now).

I wouldn't have been impressed to have been told to put my child back in the buggy she hated just because you were too impatient to walk with us when she was just starting out. Why don't you stride on ahead with the older kids?

Cut your friends some slack, in a few months you might find the walking pace has picked up a lot anyway.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 17/04/2015 16:50

YABU. It's a family walk, the toddler is part of the family too. If you want to walk fast, find new walking friends.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/04/2015 16:56

Yabu.
A group should walk at the pace of the slowest member.

ThisIsTheJamHot · 17/04/2015 17:04

"I can't control my 2 year old, he legs it at the first opportunity. I wouldn't get anywhere if he walked all the time.
How do you contain a wayward 2 year old that is FAST and unwilling to hold hands!"

Reins.

Binkybix · 17/04/2015 17:13

I would think then doing a combination would be reasonable. I'm a fast walker and I feel like I'm going crazy when I have to deal with my nearly 2 year olds dawdling and being distraced. I try my best but sometimes I just have to bundle him in the buggy!!

Binkybix · 17/04/2015 17:14

If I put reins on mine he sits down so it take even longer. Despite his dawdling he also puts in surprising spurts when he sees something of interest!

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 17/04/2015 17:14

Sorry 2 year olds have absolutely no bloody sense of danger. It's hands, reins or buggy. End of!

Op unless you are worried about that the older children are doing then you are being a bit unreasonable about the walk.

However other people's toddlers are a pita as yours get older and you sound bored with these friends so stop going.

Idontseeanydragons · 17/04/2015 17:15

jimjack try a Little Life backpack. They have a longer single rein so they can have some freedom but are still more likely go go in the same direction as you Smile
OP I kind of understand where you're coming from - I'm a fast walker with a 3 year old who hasn't been in a buggy for a year so I genuinely do feel your pain - I want to speed up myself most of the time!
Carrying a toddler isn't generally an option as they can hurt after a while.
Be fair OP it's their family walk as well - they might think you are being U to not take their own children into account?

CaspianSea · 17/04/2015 17:22

I think your friends are being selfish. They could exercise their toddler when they're not part of a group, instead of slowing everyone down. Or they could bring a buggy, let her walk part of the way, then put her back in if she gets tired or dawdles. I don't think it's fair for one person's DC to hold everyone up.
It's not like an elderly person who can't help it.... toddlers can be carried, given piggybacks or put in buggy. My friend has a great off-road buggy she takes on country walks.

TiggieBoo · 17/04/2015 17:25

Of course YABU, what do you expect them to do, leave the toddler behind so they can keep you company? If they don't use a buggy, that's their choice, your choice is not to go walking with a family with young children.
And btw, even a 6 year old walks slower than an adult, do you expect them to be carried or pushed as well?

CaspianSea · 17/04/2015 18:00

Really? Most 6-year-olds I know walk faster than adults and like to rush on ahead!
I think there's a time and a place for toddlers to potter along slowly and swing from people's hands: when it's just family or there are other small kids in group and nobody is in a rush. Otherwise it's not appropriate. Toddlers are centre of their parents' world not everyone else's, parents need to remember that.
Taking your toddler on a walk or day-out with lots of other people and letting toddler set pace, with no buggy as back-up, is selfish and rude IMO.
In OP's position I'd feel too awkward and antisocial to actually go on ahead and leave them behind. I'd probably make a point of looking at my watch, talking about things I needed to get done, then look at toddler and say 'oh she looks a bit tired, do you want me to give her a piggyback?'

Yarp · 17/04/2015 18:02

Diddums

Yarp · 17/04/2015 18:04

Sorry, I apologise for my rudeness. YABU, because the child is part of the group and should not be carried for your convenience.

Yarp · 17/04/2015 18:06

I'mNameyChange

I don't agree with your analogy

Interrupting is rudeness that needs to be gently challenged by ignoring the child or asking them to wait. Walking slow is not rude.