Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sweeten them up with wine and flowers?

71 replies

HiImBarryScott · 17/04/2015 12:07

We're having a party soon to celebrate DH's birthday. It will probably go on til the early hours...4am or so I would imagine. Knowing our friends and family there will be loud music, drunkenness & dancing.

Would advance notice, flowers & wine for the neighbours be a good idea? Or would that be an opportunity for them to tell me that they are unhappy with the party - i.e. we would be doing it knowing that they would be pissed off? Is it better just to do these things and not tell the neighbours?

We will not be inviting them as one is an elderly lady and the other are an older couple that we don't really know very well.

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 17/04/2015 12:09

Noise until 4am will be totally unacceptable to many people and gifts won't make a difference.

Duckdeamon · 17/04/2015 12:09

Advance notice would be polite.

Bowlersarm · 17/04/2015 12:11

If I were your neighbour I'd appreciate the warning so I could go out for the evening, or overnight, or at the least prepare myself for a late night.

LammilyDoll · 17/04/2015 12:12

How unpleasant for them! My elderly neighbours go to bed at 10pm, and get up at 6am, so they would only get 2 hours sleep.

Why don't you hire a suitable venue?

Pootles2010 · 17/04/2015 12:14

How very selfish of you! 4am is really unacceptable. Couldn't you hire a venue?

Wine and chocolate would make no difference to me. I'd be tempted to throw them back in your face the next time I saw you tbh.

chocolateyay · 17/04/2015 12:14

If its a landmark birthday, then I'd warn them and ask them to drop in if they fancy a drink and a boogie.

If its an ordinary birthday, and you have these for every family members birthday, holiday, religious observance, etc, then there's no amount of chocolate that would pacify me.

Bowlersarm · 17/04/2015 12:15

The op is perfrctly within her rights to have a party at home Lammily. Especially if it is very infrequently.

On the wine and flowers thing, I'd give them afterwards if anything, and it has been a late night.

Duckdeamon · 17/04/2015 12:17

Bowlers, having a party is one thing, but noise until 4am is selfish.

Bowlersarm · 17/04/2015 12:18

......also if it were me, I would invite them in for a drink, whether I knew them well or not. That's a bit more neighbourly and friendly and inclusive than "we're having a party, you aren't invited, but we will probably be keeping you up all night"

Pootles2010 · 17/04/2015 12:18

Of course she's within her rights, doesn't mean its the decent thing to do.

Bowlersarm · 17/04/2015 12:19

I don't think its overly selfish if it's never happened before. I'd try and keep the noise down after midnight though.

Bowlersarm · 17/04/2015 12:21

I'm not saying I'd like it if I were the ops neighbour, - I like to go to bed reasonably early, but I would understand a one off party. When you have neighbours there will be certain compromises you have to make.

DakotaFanny · 17/04/2015 12:22

Flowers every day for a year afterwards and enough wine beforehand to knock themselves out with.....

4am? Really??

fourteen · 17/04/2015 12:23

4am seems ridiculously late to meet.

Other countries have rules about this sort of thing. The police would come and stop you well before 4am!

fourteen · 17/04/2015 12:24

to me

Jackie0 · 17/04/2015 12:24

Gosh some strong reactions here !
I'm assuming its a Saturday?
I would warn them and invite them if I were you. I friendly gesture now can't hurt.
4am though, that's quite extreme. We have loud parties here but people go home about 2 at the latest.
Will the music be indoors? I hope you're not considering outdoor music to that time.

addicted2cake · 17/04/2015 12:25

Give them advance notice of the party, no need for presents. After midnight turn the music down to a more acceptable level. Can't remember the last time I partied until 4am! Enjoy!

Mutley77 · 17/04/2015 12:26

Doesn't it depend on the type of house? Terrace / semi - definitely unreasonable. Detatched with windows closed and warning people to be quiet if they go outside for a cigarette and when they leave the party - not so much.

I think the wine / chocs is kind of irrelevant if it's the former and unnecessary if it's the latter.

Tbh if you are in a terrace and make that kind of noise until four you will probably get a visit from the council/police.

BasinHaircut · 17/04/2015 12:26

Warn them before, tell them it will be a late one, and invite them in to join you for a drink.

Try to keep it down after, say 1am, and do the wine, chocs or flowers afterwards.

WellYesOfCourseYouAre · 17/04/2015 12:27

Advance warning for sure.

Do your neighbours have children? If so a party until 4am with loud music is dickish and selfish behaviour.

Welshmaenad · 17/04/2015 12:29

I don't think it's more unreasonable if people have children. Loud music till 4am is plain unreasonable, full stop.

If you were my neighbours and had music blaring till 4am I'd phone the police.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2015 12:29

Hire a venue or book them a hotel, otherwise, you are being unreasonable. I would call the police on anyone who had a party that late. That is always inconsiderate.

strawberrypenguin · 17/04/2015 12:32

If I were you I would warn them - but also make sure that any loud music etc is stopped by midnight.
I've been on the receiving end of a party like yours - it was hell and only me going round at 2am and threatening to call the police if they didn't shut up made them stop- polite requests had been ignored.
If you need it to be loud until 4am please hire somewhere suitable.

redskybynight · 17/04/2015 12:33

I would not be pacified by wine or flowers and would be calling the police.
I think you need to rethink your plans.

Original poster
HiImBarryScott · 17/04/2015 12:34

Some more info:

We've been in the house for 3 years. We are quiet neighbours the rest of the time and have never had a party at home before. Birthday is landmark. Not planning this to be a regular thing at all!

Houses aren't that close together - 20m I'd guess.

The neighbours behind us had a similar party last summer til 3am or so (we weren't invited or warned and didn't complain).

I imagine most people will be leaving at midnight / 1am so probably the loud music will finish then, but there will be a hardcore of a couple of dozen people that will stay up late.

OP posts: