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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sweeten them up with wine and flowers?

71 replies

HiImBarryScott · 17/04/2015 12:07

We're having a party soon to celebrate DH's birthday. It will probably go on til the early hours...4am or so I would imagine. Knowing our friends and family there will be loud music, drunkenness & dancing.

Would advance notice, flowers & wine for the neighbours be a good idea? Or would that be an opportunity for them to tell me that they are unhappy with the party - i.e. we would be doing it knowing that they would be pissed off? Is it better just to do these things and not tell the neighbours?

We will not be inviting them as one is an elderly lady and the other are an older couple that we don't really know very well.

OP posts:

Meandyou150 · 17/04/2015 15:12

I'm sorry warning or not id be very pissed off.

Why don't people who insist on having drunken parties till the early hours just hire a bloody venue and save their neighbours the grief!!!

I'm sorry but it just really gets my goat.

Mutley77 · 17/04/2015 15:15

Now I've seen the houses are 20m apart I think that's fine, assuming there are no speakers outside after 11pm or so, and that you tell the neighbours - "oh don't worry there will be music playing outside but only until 11" - I'm assuming that any partying ongoing until 4 won't need to be heard outside of the house?

I don't think it's fair otherwise - we had a relative in a similar situ who held a wedding at home, and they did invite the neighbours to "pop in", also had a proper agreed time that the music / speakers would be turned off, think it was midnight. Otherwise the council would have had to get involved I think!

IcecreamSkoda · 17/04/2015 15:33

I don't think you need any sweetners but advance notice with a set cut off time for the music would be very welcome. I would happily put up with noise and loud music if I KNEW that it was stopping at 12. Any later is selfish and unkind.

Even asking people to put up with loud music until 12 is asking a favour of them. My DH travels a lot for work and there can be tines when he is exhausted and goes to bed at 8. At least with advance warning he would know how long it was going on.

If the music did stop promptly I would be happy.

ThisLittlePiggie · 17/04/2015 15:34

Our neighbours do this about once a year. They warn in advance. They give out bottles of wine. They have very loud, spilling-onto-the-streets, family parties that go on well into the small hours. This is all accepted with good graces and wishes as a once a year event.

A few of us in the neighbour are trying to work out how we can get invited to one of these parties.

I would say warn in advance, take any concerns on board and invite your close neighbours.

IcecreamSkoda · 17/04/2015 15:34

Ps, be prepared for lots of early morning revenge mowing the following day

Meandyou150 · 17/04/2015 16:17

Personally music going on till 4am, drunk people shouting and generally making a racket -warning or no warning I'd call the police for noise disturbance.

That's a joke , sorry

MiddleAgedandConfused · 17/04/2015 16:48

Wine and flowers as a heads up you are having a party is the right thing to do. They can then go away or stay with friends/family if they are really bothered. Partying till 4 without warning is not so cool.

SinglePringle · 17/04/2015 17:00

If the music went inside / turned down by 1am, I wouldn't mind in the slightest - advance warning would be great because worrying about the time the music was going down would probably wind me up more than the party .

But I'd probably gate crash!!

ToBeeOrNot · 17/04/2015 17:34

Either noise is not going to be a disturbance, so no real need to warn unless in a 'please let us know if it gets loud' type way. Or it's going to be loud enough to disturb people and therefore anti-social whether forewarned or not.

I hate the idea that inviting people to the party absolves you of any responsibility to not disturb them, or that they should go away if they don't want to be disturbed past midnight in their own home. Personally I think even midnight is pushing it, night hours in noise nuisance terms start at 11pm.

comedancing · 17/04/2015 18:57

We had this with ds and dds 21st. We went round each neighbour and explained.. Apologising in advance.. They all said the same thing..have a great party and there will be no problem.. We are usually very quiet people so they knew this was a very special occasion. I think once every few years wouldn't matter. Also had a neighbour in another house who wanted me to complain as other neighbours having a party and we could hear the loud music. As l had never heard them before doing anything l said no lm glad they are having fun.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 17/04/2015 19:03

Lamilly and chocolatey where are you getting the notion that op is being selfish. She's started s threAd about giving her ndn prior notice. .
Also how do you know she has the funds to hire a venue!
If it was happening every night then yes it is bang out of order but I'd say a one off is fine. It's not every day someone has a special birthday is it.
Might be a long shot now op but are you friendly with your ndn. Even if it's. Could you not offer them an invite

TwoOddSocks · 17/04/2015 19:19

I can't stand noisy neighbours but would have no problem with a one off loud party if I was given advanced notice. The wine and flowers would be a nice touch but not necessary.

Mitzimaybe · 17/04/2015 19:30

Warn in advance. No need to invite. Wine / flowers / chocs afterwards if you think it necessary. Explain it's a special birthday / one-off and won't become regular. Turn down the noise and close doors & windows after midnight, if people go outside to smoke, ask them to be quiet.

Fluffyears · 18/04/2015 12:10

I had noisy neighbours and it made my life hell, no sleep in a Wednesday night anyone? Work was fun during that period. Once at 2an there friend decided to 'sing' on our doorstep that's whe u started calling the police and texting their landlord at 3am and 5am whilst I was still up and got the fuckers evicted and I am a 'nice and tolerant' neighbour but I was breaking down with no sleep after 3 full weeks of drug fuelled partying next door.

i am now really noise sensitive but if it was a one off and you came round first and told me and gave me a time that the noise would stop i would be happier.

squoosh · 18/04/2015 12:44

The first party you'll have thrown in the three years you've lived there? Go for it I say.

Advance warning to the neighbours is the right thing to do.

Branleuse · 18/04/2015 12:53

I think wine and flowers is a lovely gesture. My neighbours on either side have parties occasionally. Once im in bed with earplugs I dont hear a thing

legolegolego · 18/04/2015 13:00

I used to live in a flat that had a bungalow sort of underneath it, but only our bathrooms were on top of their house. Weird layout but anyway. They would have parties to a similar time, music so loud it would rattle the bathroom doors. They would obviously warn us, it would piss us off, but we would just Hoover really thoroughly in the bathroom at 7am the next morning

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 18/04/2015 13:00

I think people are being a bit over sensitive.

My next door neighbours (in a semi) have only had one loud party in 4 years. I ended at about 2am ish. I was aware it was happening as was feeding the baby but it didn't bother me. I just thought - good for them.

Every week or even every month would be awful but if you are generally a good neighbour they shouldn't mind a one off.

wallypops · 18/04/2015 13:02

Seriously find some excellent ear plugs (mercurochrome equivalent), wine and an invitation for pre-party drinks will smooth all feathers.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 18/04/2015 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PastPerfect · 18/04/2015 13:14

One party in three years is not selfish

Invite the neighbours and enjoy

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