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AIBU?

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Original poster

To sweeten them up with wine and flowers?

71 replies

HiImBarryScott · 17/04/2015 12:07

We're having a party soon to celebrate DH's birthday. It will probably go on til the early hours...4am or so I would imagine. Knowing our friends and family there will be loud music, drunkenness & dancing.

Would advance notice, flowers & wine for the neighbours be a good idea? Or would that be an opportunity for them to tell me that they are unhappy with the party - i.e. we would be doing it knowing that they would be pissed off? Is it better just to do these things and not tell the neighbours?

We will not be inviting them as one is an elderly lady and the other are an older couple that we don't really know very well.

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 17/04/2015 12:34

If the loud music went on til after 1am, I'd be phoning the noise pollution team, flowers or no flowers, I'm afraid.

Best bet is to invite them to join in the festivities or tone things down after midnight.

But you should 100% warn them in advance.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2015 12:35

Makes no difference if the neighbours have kids or not, loud music till 4 am is dickish.

Have the party in a nightclub with a late license for that.

ClashCityRocker · 17/04/2015 12:36

Ah, cross post.

If loud music finishes at midnight and your houses are 20m apart, shouldn't be too much of an issue.

I'd still give them a knock and let them know though.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2015 12:37

Then all go indoors and keep it down. I'm a parties myself but 4am still making tons of noise is ridiculous.

CadleCrap · 17/04/2015 12:38

After 1, turn the music down, shut the windows and go inside.

NewName228 · 17/04/2015 12:38

Under the circumstances you've described, I would just warn them in advance (explaining that it's a special birthday so they know it won't be a regular thing) and perhaps say that they are welcome to pop in for a drink if they'd like to.

If all goes ok I might then pop round the following day with a little something and say 'thanks for your patience, hope we didn't disturb you too much'.

Pootles2010 · 17/04/2015 12:38

Oh thats entirely different! I was thinking terraced houses, loud music till 4. I'd say that would be fine. Would be nice to invite them for drinks, but certainly not issue if not!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/04/2015 12:39

4 a.m. would annoy most people, even as a one off.

Tell them you're having a party, give them an early doors invite to be nice, be considerate, then take flowers/whatever the next day.

I would aim for not giving yourself too much to apologise for.

miaowmix · 17/04/2015 12:40

OP I think the flowers etc would be a really lovely gesture, as would forewarning them about the party. It's what everyone in my circles does (and has always done), I think even my parents would have done this!

4am is fine for a one-off in my world. Obviously you'd turn the music down by then, right?

Our last party went on til 7. My neighbours were all there (including 75 year olds who left before 7!), and a couple we'd never met who gate crashed at 2am! We live mid terrace in London and as long as it's a weekend night and not a regular occurrence this kind of thing is completely fine where we liv. OUr neighbours also socialise a lot and have garden parties til the early hours etc. And yes I and some of them have small children.

spicespicebaby · 17/04/2015 12:41

4am is horrible - I would and have called the police for that.

I think a warning is better - DH wouldn't have had to get up the other night at 1am to find his phone and set the white noise app going so we could try to get some sleep if we'd known in advance that we had such thoughtless neighbours.

And you don't say if it's a Saturday night but DH works on Sundays - not everyone gets to sleep in on the weekend.

BubGal13 · 17/04/2015 12:42

Houses are 20 meters apart! Its fine.

OP- as long as you tell them noisy music will be turned down by midnight, but there might just be general chit chat/laughter for another few hours- and give them your mobile to text if it really gets too noisy after that- think that's more than reasonable with advance warning and as a 1 off. Def invite them too.

But I'd aim to get people out by 2am as anyone hanging on after that is clearly just drunk enough not to care being shipped off/having a cab called.

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 12:43

But, GreyGardens, your neighbours were AT the party, ffs! That is completely different.

chocolateyay · 17/04/2015 12:51

7am... That would drive me bats.

OTheHugeManatee · 17/04/2015 12:51

Invite the neughbours. They may decline but it's rude not to. You should also turn the music right down at midnight. I get that it's only occasional but loud music till 4am is really antisocial.

Original poster
HiImBarryScott · 17/04/2015 12:55

I am really glad I posted here. I've been concerned about the noise implications for a while, but I will definitely make a point of turning the music down after midnight.

Will also think about extending the invitation to some of the neighbours.

OP posts:
BikketBikketBikket · 17/04/2015 13:21

Definitely invite them - turn music down at midnight (and tell them that you're going to do this). Flowers/wine afterwards.

I'd have loved my thankfully ex-neighbours to have done this before their all-night party with loud music, yelling singing and smoking right under my bedroom window some years ago - a Travelodge for a night would have been SO much less stressful Angry

PurpleSwift · 17/04/2015 13:24

4 am is ridiculous and I wouldn't be happy at all. Flowers or wine won't make a difference. I'd be suggesting you hire a venue elsewhere.

InfinitySeven · 17/04/2015 13:30

It might be worth looking up your local noise guidelines.

They are quite hot on noise pollution around me. If there are noise complaints after 11pm, the police will attend and disperse parties. If they are called again, there is hefty fines. It doesn't take much to get them out - one neighbour was fined for mowing his lawn at midnight, which while baffling and a bit annoying, wasn't overly loud!

By 4am round here you'd probably all be in cells Grin.

MidniteScribbler · 17/04/2015 13:36

My neighbours have their uni aged kids living at home like to party. They usually knock on my door with a bottle of wine and cupcakes (she's a baker) to warn me the day before. But the music is turned down at 11pm, off at 12am, and they go inside at that point. There's a bit of laughter when they leave, but that's not a big deal ( and most of them stay the night). Because they are considerate, we still get along. Nose right down and go inside at midnight is a pretty fair compromise I think.

crazykat · 17/04/2015 13:51

It depends if you'll be inside or outside. If the music will be inside and turned down at midnight then it wouldn't be too bad, if the music is outside till midnight I'd be pissed off advance warning or not.

Even though the houses are 20m apart music outside will carry several houses down, midnight would be pushing it for music outside. After that would be very unreasonable even as a one off. Inside wouldn't be as bad as the houses are detached, turning it down at midnight and closing doors and windows so it can't be heard by neighbours would be fine.

Collaborate · 17/04/2015 13:58

If you plan on having the music loud enough for people to dance to, or so loud that they have to nearly shout to be heard, hire a venue. (Do people still dance in a living room? Is that not a thing last done in the 70s?). If you were to have one of those parties next door to me I would hate you forever. Such a lack of consideration. Oh, and I'd call the police (or, as in round near me, the LA) who may choose to remove your amplification equipment.

Do you ever need neighbours to take your bins in/out? Take in a parcel for you? Call the police if they see you've been broken in to when you're on holiday? If you have such little regard for them, expect none in return.

What you're saying is that you expect your neighbours to just accept they won't be able to get to sleep until 4a.m.

YABVVU

Collaborate · 17/04/2015 14:01

To clarify - if the neighbours can't hear the party because all the noise is indoors (and you're not shaking the ground with your speakers) they shouldn't even be aware you're having a party.

GlitteringJasper · 17/04/2015 14:10

I'm a complete grouch and absolutely hate noise from neighbours.

However if they were decent and came and told me about having a party for a special occasion, I would find it hard to be grumpy and probably wouldn't mind!

GlitteringJasper · 17/04/2015 14:11

Providing it was a one off! Grin

miaowmix · 17/04/2015 15:08

Imperial Blether not ALL my neighbours were there FFS. My point was simply that not everybody in the world hates late night noise and parties, particularly not if you either invite them or let them know first.

Naturally we canned the noise after midnight and got people in from the garden, but I don't know why 7am would drive anyone else nuts, we weren't blaring it out at that time.

Everyone danced at my party. Then again, it was my wedding party too, so maybe it put everyone in a general good mood.

I must have lucked out with tolerant and nice neighbours I guess. We are all very friendly.

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