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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get so angry about the no compromise attitude of my kids headmistress

526 replies

twinsplus1sfb · 17/04/2015 09:19

Arghhhhh - need to vent.
Situation - I have 3 kids (2 in Yr2, 1 in yr 4). They have never been abroad experienced an aeroplane different culture etc etc.
Their grandad has booked an expensive family holiday abroad, unfortunately he got mixed up with the dates and booked it for the week before half term.
I put a holiday form in and got a phone call from the school - apparently that is SATs week for my twins.
We have looked into changing the dates - no can do.
So - and here's where I get angry - I went to the head and told her the situation and asked her if there was any way we could work together around this, could the kids stay late after school one day or come in at the weekend before the SATS or come in in the half term after SATS.
I just got a flat NO to every option I suggested - she said it would affect their grades, and their whole school career. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said "Cancel the holiday, oh and there will be a fine"
I understand that taking them out is not acceptable - but come on school - can we not compromise??? Help a little??? I dont even mind paying the fine, I'm just so upset that she cant even work with me on them taking their SATS on a different day or different time - is it really that strict? Would all of the headmistresses out there say that?
My kids have 100% attendance, they have never missed any school for holiday reasons ever before - its so peed off - and its going to ruin my holiday. Any advice? Any body had nice experiences with their heads? Is there anything I can do so that my kids can take their SATS?

OP posts:
Bea · 18/04/2015 08:20

Where is op? There's been lots of opinions here. .. Would like to know what op going to do. ..

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 18/04/2015 08:40

Can we just be clear that's it's as unlikely the head said year 2 SATS would affect 'their grades and their whole school career' as it is that silly old grandad got his days wrong?

I imagine she might have said that it was SATS week in their school and SATS are important ... And it's true that they'll use that data to project the twins' future levels. But all this 'it's for the school not the child' does assume these children's marks are necessarily going to be of benefit to the school!

And yes, SATS aren't public exams like gcses that can only be done on one day, but it will be the school's calendar that's key here: if year 2 are scheduled to be doing their SATS work that week, that's going to be tied to other things other classes are doing, and wider timetables and factors at play.
Obviously OP is going to go on the holiday, pay the fine and moan to everyone she knows about what a biatch the head is and how she tried to do the right thing and make up a load of balls about what the head said, though.

ThePinkOcelot · 18/04/2015 08:56

Hate it when the OP just doesn't bother coming back!

Anyway, I would just go on holiday and take the fine. Missing yr 2 SATS is hardly going to ruin their school career!

Bluestocking · 18/04/2015 08:57

Good tip, Hermia. I've got a job lot of mini silver horseshoes and little ribbon bows so I'm going to concentrate on the wedding invites for now but in my coffee breaks I can research death certificates from the world's most popular tourist destinations. Wonder if Disneyland does funerals? They might be missing a trick there.

Branleuse · 18/04/2015 09:05

head teachers ARE allowed to use their own discretion and there are huge variations as to how strictly they enforce this issue.

I think it was perfectly fine when heads could authorise a maximum of 10 days a year for children with good attendance. I dont understand why it had to become something that poor children were penalised for, considering rich parents wuth children at private schools have much longer holidays, so can avoid peak times, or pay inflated peak prices,or even pay fines without it being a deal breaker.
Fines for this are really another tax that disproportionately affect poorer families looking for a budget escape from drudgery and shit. Those income brackets affected have a million and one other reasons why they might statistically underachieve. An off peak budget break playing with their family on a beach once a year is not what will drop grades for a child with otherwise good attendance and supoortive parents.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/04/2015 09:29

Loads of people posting suggestions - OP doesn't bother replying.

Maybe that's indicative of the way she expects everyone to tie themselves in knots to help her, but doesn't bother to return the favour.

Branleuse · 18/04/2015 09:47

that's pretty unkind. The thread was only started yesterday

AsBrightAsAJewel · 18/04/2015 09:52

The OP clearly needed to vent and it was probably very fresh and raw when she posted. Maybe they haven't returned because
a) they have reflected on situation / see all these posts and admitted they ABU, but it is hard to come back and admit it.
b) don't agree with the YABU's and don't want it to be that sort of thread (AIBU, yes, no I'm not!)
c) genuinely hasn't had time to return.

Stitchintime1 · 18/04/2015 09:54

How can anyone make a mistake about the dates? Why didn't he check with you first? I don't believe that part of the story.

Sirzy · 18/04/2015 09:56

I doubt the school do either stitch, I would imagine they regularly have people who have made "mistakes" - schools are awful for keeping holiday dates secret after all Wink

Stitchintime1 · 18/04/2015 09:57

I don't believe the head said it would affect their whole school career either. It's so obviously untrue.

I never get these sort of posts. You want to do what you want and have approval too. I much prefer people who say, "Stuff SATS. I'm off on a jolly. Here's the money for the fine."

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/04/2015 09:58

Wonder if Disneyland does funerals? They might be missing a trick there

I don't know, but they certainly do weddings Wink

I can't help thinking you're missing out by just thinking of weddings/funerals ... why not include fake medical certificates?? These kids who've learned it's okay to lie to get what they want will probably take that forward into their own working lives, creating quite a demand

At this rate you're going to make a packet Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 18/04/2015 10:10

i would expect an OP to come back within 24 hours of posting the thread, branleuse.

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 10:13

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hollyisalovelyname · 18/04/2015 10:14

What are SATs please?
Not in the UK

Stitchintime1 · 18/04/2015 10:16

And an app that allows you to keep track of all the diferent lies you've told.

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 10:28

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Thedragonsinthebedroom · 18/04/2015 10:42

I think I agree with heels99

I think yabu to expect the school to change them but I don't see how Y2 sats will affect their entire career. What you need to decide is whether you are happy for your children to miss them for the holiday. If it was a once in a life time experience then I think
I would.

MyLegIsHaunted · 18/04/2015 10:52

We don't have fines for term time holidays in Australia.

Last year (year 2) my dd had 2 friends who both took 5 weeks off during term for international holidays. They were just asked to do their home readers every day and to write a travel diary.

One of them received the top academic achievement award at the end of year presentation.

She had another friend in her class take 2 weeks off to go to Fiji. The teacher got her to post regularly on the class blog about her adventures and then would bring it up on the smart board after she marked attendance to show everyone her photos. The children then got to write messages back to her (they were very lucky to all have their own tablets last year as part of a course their teacher was taking)

A friends daughter was off during NAPLAN testing when she was in year 3 and they set her up at a desk in the office when she got back to take the test then.

We took our kids out for 4 days recently (kindergarten & year 3) and we were told "Keep up the reading and have fun!"

I'd take the holiday and pay the fine OP.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/04/2015 10:53

hermia

Everyone calls them SATs though Smile. It used to stand for Standard Assessment Tests.

HesterShaw · 18/04/2015 10:54

I do find it interesting the number of people who say things like "SATs are not important to a child, they're for the school and OFSTED and teachers' results" and so on (which I agree with actually), but who will then be influenced by OFSTED reports and move heaven and earth do get their children into a school with a good OFSTED and vice versa.

HesterShaw · 18/04/2015 10:56

Oh and YANBU. I mean, teachers should totally give up their weekends and half terms to coach your children and administer their SATs specially. Who wouldn't?

ilovesooty · 18/04/2015 11:13

Oh exactly Hester
I imagine many of those keen on term time holidays wouldn't want to send their child to a school that gets RI.

Original poster
twinsplus1sfb · 18/04/2015 11:23

Thanks for all your comments. I see all your points, and yes maybe I did get angry at the wrong person. I understand rules are there for a reason, and probably didn't put my point across correctly. I was trying to make suggestions so that the head could still have here figures to give to the school authorities. It was more the fact that the head tried to give me the impression that it would detrimental to their educational career that ticked me off.

OP posts:
tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 11:53

I think that's an important point OP it was extremely unprofessional of the headmistress to tell you that missing the Year 2 SATS would be detrimental to their education.

I work with children aged 2-18, some days my contact time is 11 hours, not including planning. I work hard and I love what I do. Where I live all tests from year 1 - 13 are important if the child wants to go to university. If a child in my school missed a test, for whatever reason I know for a fact the headmistress would do anything to make sure they took it. It is extremely small minded and petty for a teacher to suggest that a couple of hours on a weekend is more important than a child's future.

As it happens though in the UK the test isn't that important and I think you knew that. A few years ago it was all over the news that parents and schools were boycotting the tests, so how could it be right?. I get the impression you said it more to make a point to catch her at her lie rather than the fact you actually think your time is more valuable than the teachers. It's easy for teacher's to say they wouldn't give their time up on a hypothetical scenario, but faced with a real one most teachers would go above and beyond for a child. If they wouldn't then they are possibly in the wrong job and need to have a word with themselves.

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