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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel cross with faffy friend

63 replies

printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:21

My friend is lovely but is like a magpie. She teaches nursery and is constantly on the lookout for things for her classroom, if not her classroom to buy her DH for tea, if not that then it's something. You get the picture.

I work shifts and I also have a 1 year old DC and am expecting another DC in a couple of months. Obviously I get tired.

AIBU to just get really really sick of being dragged incessantly around pound shops, bargain supermarkets and every other shop you can think of in hunt for something she 'needs'? I know that sounds rotten but it's not just going in, it's the way she charges round like a whirling dirvige; back and forth, up and down, to and fro, while she carries on a monologue with herself about what she needs, why she needs it, only to half the time conclude she doesn't need it. But then she drags me/us into ANOTHER shop.

I know it sounds petty and when we just go for a walk or something she's great but I find this so irritating as it can take hours, and I don't have hours. Today for instance I am in work at 6 but what should have been coffee and a chat then buying a few things for a picnic at the weekend turned into incessant pound-shop scouring. I like pound shops by the way :)

AIBU to find this bloody annoying and quite inconsiderate?

OP posts:
Morelikeguidelines · 16/04/2015 17:25

Yanbu

NataliaBaker · 16/04/2015 17:26

Are you not capable of declining going round the shops with her? YANU. She's not psychic.

NataliaBaker · 16/04/2015 17:26

Oh, and that was YABU. Fat fingers.

rebelfor · 16/04/2015 17:27

Inconsiderate? No, you've got the option not to go Confused

Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:29

Natalie, of course, but today for example we had coffee then should have gone straight to M & S. She 'just wanted' to pop into Poundworld for one thing. That turned into a twenty minute faff. Then after M & S she said 'ooh, can I just pop into Home Bargains!'

Saying NO, actually you CAN'T because you get on my tits the way you spend ages in there would make me very rude :) and I wouldn't mind if it was just for one thing.

To be honest sometimes I don't realise myself even before I come away and realise I spent half the afternoon traipsing around after tat that isn't even mine.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 16/04/2015 17:29

Just say no, you don't fancy all of the scouring shops for bargains, you're knackered!

Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:32

I know. The problem is, she never announces (and in fairness doesn't intend, I don't think) to spend ages in there.

It's the fussing. She goes into (say) Poundworld looking for colours. But they don't have the right colours. But maybe they're in this section. Or that section. But while she's there - oh, she could do with some of these. No, actually, because somewhere else has them cheaper. Oh but she does need some of these. Should she get them? After all the event she needs them for is next week. But yes, she definitely needs colours. How annoying they don't have them.

The above fussing takes around twenty minutes and just when I'm breathing a sigh of relief she vanishes again!

She's always been the same. Don't know why it's irritating the crap out of me all of a sudden.

OP posts:
IAmAShitHotLawyer · 16/04/2015 17:32

What?????? How is this even a problem??????????

Just say no thanks.

YABU

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 16/04/2015 17:36

You let yourself be 'dragged around' shops you don't want to go in? And you're waiting for your friend to realise you don't want to do it?

Erm…tell her? It sound bloody irritating, but YABU for blaming your friend. She obviously enjoys it, just say that you want to go elsewhere, look in this nice shoe shop, finish another coffee, whatever.

Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:36

Okay, I've tried to explain how it comes about and how rude I would feel saying no, she CANNOT just nip in for one thing and one becomes two, becomes three, becomes like something off supermarket sweep. To be honest I just needed a vent, not an additional kicking myself. I'm absolutely exhausted and really think she should be a bit more considerate of my being heavily pregnant and holding down two jobs but hey. Obviously I should just be rude. That solves everything eh Mumsnet Confused

OP posts:
GoEasyPudding · 16/04/2015 17:37

If you have already had the coffee and the chat then I really think it's ok for you to say you don't need to shop today so therefore "cheerio!"

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 16/04/2015 17:38

Telling the truth, nicely, is not the same as being rude, OP.

rebelfor · 16/04/2015 17:38

You don't have to be rude. Just say, I'm heavily pregnant and not up to it, sorry.

Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:40

Yes, but it didn't take a huge amount of time and we did need to go to M & S :)

It's just annoying, because other than to say 'look, I don't want to go into these shops with you as you take ages and then drag me around town like a dog on a lead looking for some bit of tat and it wears me out!' it's hard getting round it.

The thing is, she is passionate about her job and very caring and she would be upset if she knew just how much it gets on my nerves. I used to find it mildly annoying but now it just makes me want to scream. There's always something she needs and it's always urgent.

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 16/04/2015 17:41

No you don't need to be rude.

You can simply say no, you don't want too.

Or just go in one shop and if she wants to go in another say you're getting yourself off home cos you've stuff to do.

I don't see what the problem is.

SASASI · 16/04/2015 17:43

I understand - my mother is similar. Was away with my father for the Wkend, spent loads of time looking for new jeans but didn't actually buy any.

When I've reached of my tether with her I simply say 'I am fed up shopping now, let's go for coffee / home' and I repeat & repeat until she gives in.but that's my mum.

YANBU but it just your friends personality. I wouldnt arrange any more meet up around the tatty shops, stick to walks, coffee at each other's houses etc.

When you are so pregnant it doesn't take much to piss you off or make you tired!

Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:45

I am fairly certain that if I did that she would see it as the snub it is, which maybe is what she needs. I don't know. I think she sensed I was getting a bit cross today although I disguised it as a joke. It's hard to explain but sometimes she does just sort of dart in somewhere, sometimes cutting into what you're saying - I make her sound horrible and she's not Sad she's lovely but I have started to wonder if there's some undiagnosed ADHD in there. She frequently cuts in to what I'm saying with some random observation then says 'oh sorry, go on!'

Think I need to NOT see her until baby is a year old at least :)

OP posts:
Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:46

Thanks SAS, very true that!

OP posts:
sabrina00 · 16/04/2015 17:46

This reply has been deleted

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overmydeadbody · 16/04/2015 17:47

Am Grin at 'whirling dervige' OP, what is that?

IAmAShitHotLawyer · 16/04/2015 17:48

I mean this genuinely OP - who told you that it was rude to say no to someone?

overmydeadbody · 16/04/2015 17:49

Ok, I would find this annoying too.

As you know your friend and know what she is like just start to decline her invitations to go shopping together.

If you meet in town for a coffee, have the coffee and then when she wants to go shopping just say your goodbyes, say you are tired and will be going home now. Be friendly and lovely but state your desire and your actions and then do them.

80schild · 16/04/2015 17:50

Not quite sure I get this - if you don't have time then make your apologies and leave or tell her what time you need to finished by and leave at that time.

Original poster
printedflorals · 16/04/2015 17:50

Sabrina, that isn't quite the case. God, I don't think I'm meek or mousey; I just try to be nice and usually am pretty easygoing (although am feeling a bit from that post, I don't know why you felt you had to be so unpleasant to me) but anyway. It isn't 'would you like to go into Home Bargains?' so I could politely say 'ooh, do you know what, I don't feel up to it.' It's more like:

Me: 'so I was telling her she could -'
Friend: 'oh, oh I just need to - yeah, go on, - I need X - go on - I need for the children next week and we - yeah go on.'

By that time we're in! :)

I guess I could stop and shout NO! I WILL NOT! but it's frightfully churlish. It's a non issue really, I'm just particularly run down and crabby just now and Poundworld in school holidays doesn't improve my mood.

OP posts:
BlueBananas · 16/04/2015 17:51

After your coffee you say "going now bye!" If you need to go to m&s and she says can we just pop in the pound shop you say "actually I've got to get going, can we do m&s first and I'll leave you to go to the pound shop after?"
No need to be rude, but just tell her you don't have time

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