to feel cross with faffy friend

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My friend is lovely but is like a magpie. She teaches nursery and is constantly on the lookout for things for her classroom, if not her classroom to buy her DH for tea, if not that then it's something. You get the picture.

I work shifts and I also have a 1 year old DC and am expecting another DC in a couple of months. Obviously I get tired.

AIBU to just get really really sick of being dragged incessantly around pound shops, bargain supermarkets and every other shop you can think of in hunt for something she 'needs'? I know that sounds rotten but it's not just going in, it's the way she charges round like a whirling dirvige; back and forth, up and down, to and fro, while she carries on a monologue with herself about what she needs, why she needs it, only to half the time conclude she doesn't need it. But then she drags me/us into ANOTHER shop.

I know it sounds petty and when we just go for a walk or something she's great but I find this so irritating as it can take hours, and I don't have hours. Today for instance I am in work at 6 but what should have been coffee and a chat then buying a few things for a picnic at the weekend turned into incessant pound-shop scouring. I like pound shops by the way :)

AIBU to find this bloody annoying and quite inconsiderate?

She doesn't - the school give her a set amount to organise and set up her classroom.

While you're pregnant I think you can say "I'm really sorry, M&S is really my limit today, I don't have the energy for any extras" but that won't help if it still drives you crazy in 12m!

I don't think it's rude to sit down outside and wait, you're not stopping her?

Don't go shopping with her! Pick hate shopping with anyone, it's a purgatorial experience at best and actual hell when forced to endure it with others.

"Pick" = I. No, i don't get it either.

You could tell her nicely.

"You know, I'd really like to just spend some time with you today. I know you care about your job but it's a bit exhausting when you're always wanting to look for materials and sometimes it can feel like you don't listen to me."

You say it'll sound like the snub it is. I disagree. SHE is the one snubbing you!

Yabu to feel cross at your friend but not give her any clue as to what your preferences are. She's done nthing wrong! I think it is much much more rude to silently seethe and post online about her than to just say no I don't feel like going shopping.

when this happens again, tell her you've had your fill of being dragged around the shops, excuse yourself and go.
i know a few spendaholics like this and i just tell them "all the best, i'm off, enjoy your shopping, see you another time".

Your friend sounds like mine, who's also really nice. I've learned to say no and go home. It's no good splitting up because I'll finish and then have to come and find her and like your friend she'll have a basket of junk and a crazed look in her eyes.

With her, it's that she's disorganised and sees outings as an opportunity to cram in errands that she should have done before but couldn't because she couldn't be bothered or had a backlog of other stuff that needed to be done. Then she loses track of time while she's doing it. And she dithers and faffs. I can be a ditherer but she makes me look like Solomon when he decided to end the bickering between the two women by threatening to cut the baby in two.

I agree with you that it's very easy to get suckered into it even though I've now decided to be firm. You get ambushed.

One evening we'd been for an early dinner and were walking to the station when she announced she just had to pop into Tesco Metro for some cat food because she'd been too busy to buy any earlier and the cat had nothing.

'It's on the way,' she said. So stupidly I agreed to go with her. It wasn't on the way. We had a bit of a diversion a few streets in the opposite direction.

Instead of grabbing a box of Felix and heading for the till she started comparing individual sachets - I think because she felt guilty at neglecting the cat so wanted to buy her a treat. Then she started browsing the deli counter for treaty nibbly things for herself. Then I realised I'd done it again.

She eventually got to the self service till and started scanning things so slowly I wanted to push her out of the way and do it myself.

We were in that shop for 25 minutes and she spent about £35.

She realised what she'd done because she pressed a sachet of Sheba on me for my own cat. He never gets anything that nice from me.

Sorry for the hi-jack. I completely understand you and I needed to vent too . I can't tell her because she's really kind and means no harm.

Is there a coffee shop elsewhere you can meet that doesn't have these shops? I love looking around these shops but a quick whizz around and I am done. What she does sounds very annoying.

I have a 'friend' (kind of drifting now) and she is a wanderer. It does my fucking nut In. Where ever we go, she just wanders aimlessly, you lose her frequently so you spend ages looking for her. There is rarely any point as to why she is wandering. I get tired easily anyway and she makes me hurt! I just start limping and say I need to sit down. I'm happy to go and sit whilst she dicks about for no reason whatsoever. Thankfully I don't need to put up with this much as I don't see her much anymore and I'll just go and do my own thing on the odd occasion I do have to see her. Others have mentioned it too but she always comes out with a shit excuse that just isn't true "oh I was looking for the toilet/a seat/somewhere to buy a drink/certain shop" she never actually is though.

Indeed if you don't tell her, how will she ever learn that it's annoying?

The thought of girly time shopping nauseates me.

Can't you just say "ok, you go to poundland/bargain basement and I'll go to M&S because I really need I buy X. Give me a ring when you're done". Do this a few times and she'll get the hint.

I hate it when I see women shopping together. It's so cliched. We don't need other women to pop into shops with.

Limited, we DEFINITELY have the same friend!

I can't be doing with faffers but I also think you're faffing by not being a bit more assertive.

You want to meet for coffee? Meet at the coffee place. If you've time/inclination to go shopping afterwards great but if not, it's not obligatory.

When you're making the arrangements, be clear about what you do or don't want to do - all of the following are fine and NOT RUDE:

• Yeah, I can meet for coffee but only have an hour so will meet you there.
• Yes, I fancy going into town but I'm huge and tired so don't be offended if I have to call it a day sooner than you.
• No can't go into town today.
• Yes, we'll have coffee but I won't be going to the shops before/afterwards