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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DS to drink coffee?

91 replies

WoodlandSprite · 16/04/2015 06:22

DH offered Ds(5) a coffee this morning because he was playing with and reluctant to drink his hot chocolate. (He wanted a straw to drink it through.) I immediately said no, he doesn't need to start to drink coffee, he's too young. It's my immediate reaction. And now I'm trying to justify it to myself.

He is five, he resists sleep as it is, is in bed by 8, awake at 6. And I don't see the need to let him drink it. DH obviously meant to give him one which is hot milk and then a capsule of decaf in it. I have a friend who lets her 1 year old lick out her espresso cup, and another who lets her 2 year old have a mouthful or two of her coffee. I was shocked once when my Dd asked for some of her drink and she just gave her some. So he would not get more coffee than they probably do.

The Dc's drink milk/hot chocolate in the morning then water the rest of the time. DS went through a phase of refusing to drink if it wasn't ice tea (again, DH gave it to him) and it took me a while to get him to drink water again. They also sometimes drink "tea" - but a fruit tea, so an infusion rather than anything with real tea in it. Also the odd glass of fruit juice, but usuall only finishing off one of ours rather than their own.

(I don't drink coffee. Tea in the morning, a glass of orange juice during the day and then a couple more cups of tea but the rest of the time I drink water. Occasionally a glass of wine at the weekend. DH lets DD finish off his wine and beer, but that's a whole other topic...)

AIBU and too controlling over their drinks? What age is it ok for them to drink coffee/tea?

OP posts:

DisappointedOne · 16/04/2015 12:15

"I wouldn't let my DC's have decaff. Too many added chemicals and too altered and unnatural."

I buy beans that have been decaffed using the water method. So not with added chemicals.

She also gets a small flute of prosecco/champers at celebratory events, and helps brew beer with her father.

Everything in moderation!

hugoagogo · 16/04/2015 12:55

I think by weight tea leaves do have more caffeine than coffee beans, but a cup of tea usually has less than a cup of coffee.

I'm pretty casual about caffeine, but have switched to decaf in the afternoon to encourage ds to do the same and after indulging in way too much Pepsi Max with my rum in the evening and having trouble sleeping for the first time ever.

ragged · 16/04/2015 13:00

You can make tea really strong & coffee fairly weak, so it's a very moot trying to compare. Bottom line is that tea usually also has lots of caffeine. Even decaf versions have some caffeine in them, still.

Decaf tea tastes rank, imho.

squoosh · 16/04/2015 13:03

Both tea and coffee taste rank. Have a negroni instead.

Original poster

WoodlandSprite · 16/04/2015 13:03

Brief- I'm out! Dd is now 3. DH is French. Hot choc is 1 spoon in 1/2 litre milk, only at breakfast.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 16/04/2015 13:11

*Patiently waits for someone to tell me that barley is the next best thing to crystal meth."

It would have to be before I drank it- that stuff is disgusting!!!!!!

tomatodizzymum · 16/04/2015 13:31

My bad, looked it up, it's adenosine not serotonin.
DisappointedOne I don't really like any process other than pick, separate, dry, roast, grind and drink. But I'm spoilt That method at least won't have any potential long term health risks.
It's very true, everything in moderation, if you're drinking bucket loads of coffee, decaf or otherwise, you'll experience some consequence, sooner or later.

tomatodizzymum · 16/04/2015 13:36

Sorry, I meant the water method won't have any long term affects compared with the chemical method.Not that the regular method, although that too.

DisappointedOne · 16/04/2015 13:43

If it helps, tomato the milk it's diluted with is organic, non-homogenised, whole milk.

BuzzardBird · 16/04/2015 14:00

I had a serious tea addiction as a child.This was back in the day when everyone drank loose tea, none of this teabag weak shit. I couldn't get through the day without about 20 choruses of I'm a little teapot. My Mother got serious 'knitters knuckle' from making new tea cosies because I would steal them and sniff them all night. People used to read their fortune by looking at my bath water. :(

tobytoes · 16/04/2015 14:03

Can't see the problem really. My little girl is 2.9 and has both decaff tea and decaff coffee, she loves it.

pocketsaviour · 16/04/2015 14:04

Slight derail but several PPs have said that sugar doesn't have any effect on children's behaviour.

I'm slightly baffled by this as when my DS was young an immediate difference could be seen if he was given a sugary treat. He became very "manic" for want of a better word - jiggling his legs, significantly shortened attention span, tendency to react to things in really silly ways.

I began to cut all sugar out of his diet as much as possible and within reason. One day I went to meet him from school and as soon as he came out I could see his behaviour was manic. I went in and asked the teacher if he had eaten anything apart from his lunchbox - yes, the teacher had given the whole class a small pack of Haribo each. (Don't get me started. This was not a good school. We were in one of the worst areas in the north.)

I certainly experience sugar rushes and crashes myself.

Anyway - OP, I think you could let your DS have an occasional milky decaf as a treat, but not within 6 hours of bedtime.

squoosh · 16/04/2015 14:10

I think the sugar rush thing has been proven to be a myth or at least hasn't been proven to be true. Kids at parties may well be hyper because they're at a party rather than because they're scoffing sweets.

DisappointedOne · 16/04/2015 14:12

I take it with a pinch of reduced sodium salt. It's a bit like dentists swearing that teething doesn't cause runny nappies and nappy rash. We all know it does anyway!

squoosh · 16/04/2015 14:14

I certainly think sugar is addictive but am just not convinced it has the effect on kids behaviour that some people claim it does.

Gamache · 16/04/2015 14:17

I think caffeinated drinks are inappropriate for children.

I came off tea/coffee cold turkey when pregnant and had 2 weeks of feeling terrible, including bad headaches. I was only on about 3 or 4 drinks a day.

Caffeine is strong stuff.

Honsandrevels · 16/04/2015 14:19

At primary school we were offered milky coffee with as biscuit as a pudding option! This was in the 80's. They served it in the lunch glasses and it always had a skin on top . I wonder if that was decaf?

I wouldn't give caffeinated coffee to my dd's but a milky decaf is fine surely?

Stillwishihadabs · 16/04/2015 14:29

Oh I am a terrible mother (who knew?) Dd had the froth of my caffienated cappacino from about 9m. She also has a hot chocolate most mornings.

bruffin · 16/04/2015 14:37

Pocketsaviour

its like putting petrol in a car. The more petrol you put in doesnt make a car go faster. You would get the same hyperactivity from any food that has a high glycemic level not just sweets.

queeninthenorth · 16/04/2015 14:49

You sound like the bloody refreshment gestapo! This comment has totally made my day!

Also, how do you become addicted to tea Caffeine can cause mild physical dependance but not actually addiction, true caffeine addiction hasn't actually been documented in humans.

PrivatePike · 16/04/2015 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hakluyt · 16/04/2015 15:07

Pocktsaviour- there are many things that influence children's behaviour. It is possible for example, that your child's behaviour after eating sugar was because he knew how you would react to him eating it. Children are incredibly sensitive to their parents' approval/disapproval. Not saying that's what it was- just a suggestion.

IndecisionCentral · 16/04/2015 15:19

Tea/coffee as an occasional treat fair enough. I wouldn't personally but done feel it's outwith normal parenting choices.
Letting a 3 yo finish alcoholic drinks is a bloody disgrace. You should focus on that IMHO.

DisappointedOne · 16/04/2015 15:20

its like putting petrol in a car. The more petrol you put in doesnt make a car go faster. You would get the same hyperactivity from any food that has a high glycemic level not just sweets.

I think it's a bit more complex than that. I get excruciating headaches if I eat too much sugar. Eating too much sugar can cause fat to build up in your liver and around other organs. Limiting sugar consumption to a low enough level will cause your body to burn fat more efficiently, which is what it should do.

It's more like filling your car with neat vodka and expecting it to behave in the same way as if you filled it with petrol.

DisappointedOne · 16/04/2015 15:25

Letting a 3 yo finish alcoholic drinks is a bloody disgrace. You should focus on that IMHO.

Huh? My dad brewed beer and I drank the froth off the top from just about the point I could toddle. (It was common in the 1970s for brandy to be put on dummies and in bottles to help babies sleep, and guinness was marketed as a health drink to pregnant women!)

I'm happy for my 4 year old to have small amounts of alcohol. She's been visiting pubs and restaurants since she was very tiny and likes to be part of an adult celebration. A small amount of fizz, followed by topups of fizzy water isn't doing her any harm whatsoever.

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