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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 8 month old for 3 days while i holiday with pals..

92 replies

TaytoCrisp · 14/04/2015 22:17

A group of my oldest pals are planning a few days away together in the sun. I'd like to go for 3 days/2 nights (i dont see them often having moved to another country). However, i have a little 8 month old, who has not yet been without mummy for a whole day before. DH would look after her, and is very good/hands on...she will also be off the boob by then, so feeding wont be an issue.. I just feel uncomfortable leaving such a small little lady for that long, and wonder if its a bit selfish. She might wonder where i am and feel a bit anxious? So AIBU to head off to the sun for a few days? I am on mat. leave at present so look after her all day usually..

OP posts:

queentroutoftrouts · 15/04/2015 09:04

Do it.

lornathewizzard · 15/04/2015 10:17

Our 8 month old DD has just stayed at my sisters for 2 nights, just cause my sister wanted to see her. She's home now and absolutely fine! Go for it :)

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/04/2015 10:25

Go for it! It'll be good for you to have some adult time and your DH and DD get in some quality bonding. Your DH is happy to look after her so go and some fun.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/04/2015 10:27

If your looking after her all time then her main attachment is you. I think its good for her to know that she rely on others too.

Crossfitmyarse · 15/04/2015 10:29

If you are leaving her with her own father or someone like a grandparent that she knows very well then YANBU. She will be fine.

Grantaire · 15/04/2015 10:38

It's your choice. If you want to go and you're happy with your decision then you should feel 100% confident in your choice.

I couldn't have done it but I breastfeed (no formula at all) and I wasn't ready when they were that young. With dc2 in particular it would have been a disaster. He had severe separation anxiety and even a couple of hours with somebody else used to leave him shaking and sobbing with anxiety (I only did it in an absolute emergency). Depends on you and the child. My eldest is happy to schlep off to her grandparents' for a few days and never gives a backward glance. My 3yo is still not ready for overnights without me. He needs to get there quite quickly though as I'm going away in July and he's staying with Grandma for the night.

Bedsheets4knickers · 15/04/2015 10:43

I have a 4 and 2 year old, I've had about 5 mini breaks away . Saves my sanity. X

PrincessOfChina · 15/04/2015 10:43

I'll be leaving DS (and DD who is 4) with DH for a couple of nights when DS is 3 months. I'm off to a hen weekend with some of my best friends and quite honestly it's what's getting me through the rough early baby days.

CrystalCove · 15/04/2015 10:44

Children form attachments from birth, going away for 3 days will not do your DD any lasting emotional harm.

Dildals · 15/04/2015 10:45

I have a 20m old now and I realised that she (securely attached and all that) finds it much harder when I am away now then she would have found it when she was 7 or 8 months!

Lucyloves101 · 15/04/2015 10:47

Do it! Lovely break for you, lovely bonding time for her and daddy! I have an 8 month old too, and know it's hard to leave them but you will feel better for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and will be excited to get home after your weekend off!

BuntCadger · 15/04/2015 11:11

YABU ok I'm going against the majority of replies here but hear me out.

Several points. Firstly you say baby will be weaned off breast then. How can you be sure of this. WHO recommend for at least 2 years and 8 months is still very young. By planning this trip you are going to be setting up a definite time to wean rather than what is working for baby.

8 months is the stage where separation anxiety really starts to kick in and you have no idea how she would manage. I am sure your husband is a wonderful daddy but all mine at that age just wanted mummy.

Yes it is a holiday with mates but that is all it is. You can do this again. This is a very small time of your life that your baby is so dependent on you. Personally I wouldn't leave my baby to go on a jolly.

I am fairly sure I will be flamed but I have a thick skin.

OnlyLovers · 15/04/2015 11:16

Go! You'll be happy and refreshed. Your baby will benefit from this. And she and her dad will have three lovely days together.

Ignore the (few) naysayers.

BuntCadger · 15/04/2015 11:17

Oh and I'm waiting for the each to their own, my martyr etc comments. I am a mum. I am their only mum. I am here for them and I have had lots of time pre kids for holidays and I will have opportunities when they are older. Yes having kids changes life and priorities. What is the big deal with accepting that

OfaFrenchMind · 15/04/2015 11:18

BuntCadger good thing you have a thick skin. Must be from all the stupid things you said over the years...

OP, YANBU. She can very much be weaned by this age, and she will be with her dad, so the other person she sees every day. It should be same difference for her.

drspouse · 15/04/2015 11:19

I went away for this length of time at about this age leaving DD (but FF before). She was absolutely fine with DH and honestly without sounding desperately mean if she had been THAT clingy that she couldn't cope with DH putting her to bed/spending all day with her I would have been trying out days away to help her get used to him looking after her more.

Friends who have BF but had children in childcare all day at this age have worked hard on getting their DC to take a bottle of expressed milk/formula/cup of milk or even a cup of water during the day. So that might be something to bear in mind to try beforehand if it's getting close and no bottles/cups yet.

However I didn't go anywhere nice, I took my Brownies on an activity holiday 20 minutes from home and got less sleep than I ever do at home!

BuntCadger · 15/04/2015 11:19

*mummy not my

BuntCadger · 15/04/2015 11:20

ofafrenchmaid struck a nerve did I?

drspouse · 15/04/2015 11:23

Oh, and to add insult to injury, while I was there another leader and I were talking about the activity centre holding holidays for unaccompanied DCs in the school holidays. I was saying how this could be really helpful for us when our DCs are older and at school and we have difficulty arranging childcare all holidays, because it wasn't far from home and they would be getting a holiday/having fun rather than going to the CM, would make a change from the school's holiday club. The other leader did the cat's bum mouth and said "ooh, I couldn't do that, that's why I work in a school, I could never send mine away ".

I'm not quite sure what she thought of the parents who sent their Brownies away with her, but of course we all know how easy not it is to get lovely well paid term time only jobs in the nearest school to your home that actually use your professional skills and pay the mortgage.

merrygoround51 · 15/04/2015 11:26

Do it, 2 nights is fine.

I don't go away often but when I do I never think twice, motherhood isn't martyrdom and I never understand the whole 'but I will miss them' thing. Sure, of course you will but you will also function as a normal person and enjoy your trip

merrygoround51 · 15/04/2015 11:27

WHO recommend for at least 2 years and 8 months is still very young.

Oh No. we are not rolling out the WHO line as a reason to never be separated from under 2's are we?

LittleMissIntrovert · 15/04/2015 11:29

Yes of course you should go!

I think it's funny that it's acceptable for men to do it, but for some reason we feel as women we have to justify it.

Have a wonderful time

OfaFrenchMind · 15/04/2015 11:31

Nope, Just that I see working mothers or sahm mothers have an actual live around their very happy baby, because they do not feel that their only validation is being a mom, CuntBadger.

BuntCadger · 15/04/2015 11:31

Oh no we aren't twisting every word a poster says who dates disagree.....

At 8 months a baby main source of food is breastmilk. No where have I suggested not leaving a baby at all pre 2 years but I have suggested that weaning by 8 months is a early.

TravelinColour · 15/04/2015 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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