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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make her sleep in the spare room?

94 replies

BumblingBoris · 14/04/2015 20:44

DS,17 is pestering me to let his 15 year old girlfriend to stay over as she lives a 20 minute drive away. Im quite happy to drive her home and often do, but ive now said she can sleep in the spare room once a week (only spare if DD is away)
DS is saying im tight? AIBU?

OP posts:

Number3cometome · 15/04/2015 13:14

babygiraffe86

I'm with you on this - I didn't have sex until I was 16 and stayed at plenty of boy's houses.

Not every teenager will have sex, and if they are going to, they will find other places than the spare bed!!

newbieman1978 · 15/04/2015 13:24

Not read all post so sorry if I repeat what has been said.

she is 15 and he is 17 and whilst he says they aren't having sex you really don't need to be facilitating an environment where they might.

After all a 17 yo who has sex with a 15yo could be staring down the barrel of the sex offenders register if the authorities where to find out.

What do her parents think about, not sure most parents would want their 15yo sleeping in the same room as 17yo. They are probably not plussed by they whole relationship as it is!

Put your foot down and take the girl home and remind your son he's 17 and dating a minor.

Ragwort · 15/04/2015 13:49

I don't expect to have to facilitate my DS's sex life in the future - tough if they end up having sex in 'unsuitable places' when they are both over the age of consent. Isn't that all part of growing up? No wonder so many kids never leave home.

I cringe at the memories of going back to a boyfriend's house for sex when his mother was in the next room. Now I am an adult, and a home owner, I think it was totally inappropriate. And no, I wasn't a 'special' girl friend, just one of a series .............

RowRowRowCrocodileScream · 15/04/2015 14:03

Aside from the sex issue:

Staying over so regularly just seems to add something else to the relationship. On the odd occasion in the school holidays is fine but planning it every week seems too much too soon.

  <span class="italic">       </span> This is the other main issue I think. It's all too easy when you're in your late teens to think you've met the love of your life and to invest too much in a romantic relationship rather than making the most of all the other opportunities at that stage in life. OP, I appreciate you've agreed to her staying over but do be aware of this possibility.

RowRowRowCrocodileScream · 15/04/2015 14:05

Cringing right there with you Ragwort with similar memories

isthatmorelego · 15/04/2015 14:08

Oldest son is 22 been will try his girlfriend 4 yes only last year has she stayed in his room . We point out to him my father would not as know she to even go to my room ., I think your doing the right thing considering their age your house your rules

isthatmorelego · 15/04/2015 14:14

Sorry on phone predictive text is a bitch I can spell honest.

Jackieharris · 15/04/2015 14:51

Baby giraffe- it's not just pregnancy it's HIV/AIDS, syphillis, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, hpv/cervical cancer, gentian herpes, genital warts!

The pill/implant isn't enough they need to be using condoms too.

Itso makes a good point about so many regular sleepovers does push their relationship up a stage from dating. It's 1/7 living together.

Lolamon · 15/04/2015 14:55

Wait till June! It's only a few months after all

babygiraffe86 · 15/04/2015 15:00

They'd only have any of those had they been sexually active previously.

I have never said the pill is enough, what baffles me is the assumption that all teens are at it like rabbits behind everyone's backs and will do anything to be sly and sneaky, maybe they just like to spend time together. personal experience proves that not all teens are like this. how long have they been together op?

and i also don't understand why there is an issue with this taking the relationship up a stage?
maybe its just me but as I said, my relationship at that age lasted 4 years and I am glad of that, even now at 28, I don't feel like i missed out on anything etc.

what is wrong with a long term relationship at that age? things may drift off when they start uni etc, that's what happens.

I just honestly don't understand all the animosity, when does a relationship become acceptable? as i said in a pp, only the OP can know the 2 people well enough to make the decision for herself and if she believes it is the right decision then I don't see why it' such a problem.

ApocalypseThen · 15/04/2015 15:02

You're more reasonable than me, OP. If I offered a reasonable compromise like yours and was called tight for it, the offer would have been off the table immediately.

Anyway, seems he's decided to accept your terms gracefully, and so he should since they're more generous than he should expect.

babygiraffe86 · 15/04/2015 15:18

I do agree with apocolypse here, if my ds turned his nose up at a reqasonable offer it would have been that or nothing.

pocketsaviour · 15/04/2015 15:33

You sound like you're being realistic and I think the spare room scenario is acceptable for their ages.

I would personally scatter lego in front of her door after they'd gone to bed and then listen out for any muffled screaming

Andylion · 15/04/2015 16:48

Hes had the contraceptive talk many a time.

OP, you've agreed to the once-a-week-in-the-spare-room already, have you considered having the contraceptive talk with her? I think you'd absolutely have the right to, as you are allowing her to sleep under your roof.

Original poster

BumblingBoris · 15/04/2015 21:11

babygiraffe theyve been' together' for 9 months but have known each other for 10 years through the sport they play. Her mum works in sexual health! So im pretty sure shes had the chat with her DD but I will be reiterating my rules when they are both here.

OP posts:

CalicoBlue · 15/04/2015 21:37

If her parents were happy I would not have a problem with it. In fact my DS and his GF of the same age slept in his room. I did make up the sofa bed at first but it was obvious she was not sleeping in it.

Original poster

BumblingBoris · 17/04/2015 21:36

We'll, DS gf is staying tonight! I've made her a bed up in the spare room, they've both been spoken too. Any creeping around and she will never stay again!!
Watch this space!

Thanks everyone for yours thoughts & advice, it's been useful

OP posts:

Pippa12 · 17/04/2015 22:03

IMO staying over is no problem- in separate rooms tho. I left home at 21 and my now DH had to stay in spare room even at that age ?? They may well already be doing the business, certainly doesn't mean you have to facilitate it tho. I think you've done the right thing x

TheCatsMother99 · 17/04/2015 22:06

Spare room is perfectly reasonable. She's underage and whilst they might not get up to anything it's better to be on the safe side until they're both over 16.

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