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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... To be concerned by bed making behaviour?

62 replies

beezlebop · 14/04/2015 01:13

This may sound odd, but what would you feel if your long term partner, kids etc together, only makes his side of the bed? Every day he just makes his side. Leaves mine. If I make the bed I do it all. We do have our problems, supposedly related to depression. IMHO he is a bit ea, bit narcissistic. AIBU for this to be worrying me as showing he will never change ?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 14/04/2015 01:18

Taking just the bed thing on its own, it wouldn't even cross my mind to be bothered. Often dh will make his side and I'll make mine because we're on those sides anyway and it saves one of us going round to the other side just to straighten the duvet.

But it sounds like you have way bigger issues in your relationship.

however · 14/04/2015 01:20

Ive never heard of that before. It sounds very odd to me, even on its own.

FlyingPirate · 14/04/2015 01:22

It does seem quite selfish and like he's game playing somewhat - surely it would take quite a bit of effort to ensure the other side of the bed wasn't made.

That said, It isn't really enough to go on to make any form of judgement.

Qwebec · 14/04/2015 01:22

I don't make my bed unless I change the sheets or we have visitors, I would fin DP strange for doing half a bed (whats the point?), but I would not infer anyhting else.
? Have you talked to him about this?
I think your problems are not in the bed making thing. Concentrate on what really in wrong.

JessieMcJessie · 14/04/2015 01:42

How do you even make half a bed, presuming you have one double duvet? Is he actually making it neatly, smoothing it all out, or just pulling his side of the cover up to the pillow? If the latter it may just be an automatic thing that he doesn't even think about. Have you asked him why he does it?

Topseyt · 14/04/2015 02:36

Sounds daft to me. You do seem to be suggesting that there is more to it though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2015 02:44

I'd think he was a bit of a knob. Unless you are making only your dinner, only washing your towel, not his. IYSWIM.

Crossfitmyarse · 14/04/2015 02:54

I agree with Mrs. He sounds like a childish petty knobhead. If things have become so bad between you that bed making thing has become a way to express how separate you are and how much he resents doing anything together, or for you, then he shouldn't still be in the bloody bed, he should get his own.

ThreeSpike · 14/04/2015 03:13

My DH and I often just make the own sides of our bed but it is just pulling up the sheets not properly making bed. It is because we have a very big bed and it's a bit awkward to get around to each other's sides.

FindoGask · 14/04/2015 05:57

It's a bit weird. Surely it's as easy to make a whole bed?

shewept · 14/04/2015 06:18

Both me and dh do this. Just pull the duvet up on our own side. Tbf, its not really made just the duvet pulled over.

But I think you think this representative of whatever is really going on. You say you have problems 'Supposedly related to depression'. Is that your depression or his? And why supposedly?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/04/2015 06:19

I would think that very odd indeed unless he was just pulling the covers right after he got out and not actually making it

londonrach · 14/04/2015 06:59

Can you make half a bed?

BestZebbie · 14/04/2015 07:11

Sometimes I use a different duvet to my DH as we want to be different temperatures, in that case I only flatten out my one in the morning as to do his as well I'd have to deliberately go around to his side of the bed and he doesn't seem to care one way or the other about it being flat to come back to or not (or I presume he'd do it himself!).

HolgerDanske · 14/04/2015 07:18

Yeah sorry even on its own that would be very odd to me.

tumbletumble · 14/04/2015 07:22

My DH does this sometimes. I do find it a bit odd tbh, but I've never got around to asking him about it as it's such a small thing. My DH is lovely and definitely not EA, so based on this one piece of behaviour I wouldn't be worried.

Mrsstarlord · 14/04/2015 07:29

Does he stay in bed after you? My DH does, I pull my side of the duvet up and he never bothers doing his side is left to do his side.

I'm aware first hand of how challenging it is to live with a partner with depression but you don't sound very supportive, perhaps you have had enough of it? Depression can (not always) make people come across as narcissistic and EA so these don't necessarily negate the possibility that he is depressed. Maybe you could do with talking to someone to work out how you feel about things, work out what is depression and what is more than this, get some perspective on a range of things and work out where you want to focus your energy and attention. Sounds like things are hard and this may be affecting the way you view a number of different things.

Peppapigsbitch · 14/04/2015 07:36

My DP doesn't make the bed, at all

Crossfitmyarse · 14/04/2015 11:35

london well I don't think so, no, but perhaps some people's idea of 'making' the bed is a bit ore casual and haphazard than ours!

If I were going to go to the effort of making it at all I'd have to make all of it, or what's the point if it still looks half shit? Confused

Dr0pThePirate · 14/04/2015 11:44

Eh, that sounds strangely passive aggressive to me. Why would he do that unless he was trying to make a point?

Have you asked him what he thinks he's accomplishing?

Number3cometome · 14/04/2015 13:55

Random. Mine just rarely makes it at all ha!

Have you asked him why?

Original poster
beezlebop · 14/04/2015 22:22

I know it sounds silly, and taken on its own it's nothing. We have had a Dreadful few years, I have depression which is now lifting and then he went into it. Unfortunately though he was pretty hard to live with before. I just don't know if I have the energy as someone cleverly picked up on. I can't tell if he is depressed or just being an arse. A lot of his behaviour feels passive aggressive Tbh. Thanks for replying xx

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 14/04/2015 22:27

Is it something he's always done or new?

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 14/04/2015 22:30

Do people not make the whole bed? How can you make half a bed? Confused. I couldn't not make the bed up properly and get into an unmade bed.

ahbollocks · 14/04/2015 22:31

I would ask. But you kind of seem like youve got one foot out the door on this relationship. Not that that is a bad thing :)
Sometimes it doesnt work out and you havr to make changd.e. best of luck