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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... To be concerned by bed making behaviour?

62 replies

beezlebop · 14/04/2015 01:13

This may sound odd, but what would you feel if your long term partner, kids etc together, only makes his side of the bed? Every day he just makes his side. Leaves mine. If I make the bed I do it all. We do have our problems, supposedly related to depression. IMHO he is a bit ea, bit narcissistic. AIBU for this to be worrying me as showing he will never change ?

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 15/04/2015 09:47

dictate*

TheFairyCaravan · 15/04/2015 09:49

It's odd behaviour IMO. Everything, but the bottom sheet, comes off our bed it all gets plumed up or shaken and put back on. It would be impossible to only do one side.

nooka if you don't have a bottom sheet do you sleep on a bare mattress? [

2rebecca · 15/04/2015 12:22

If everything needs shaken that sounds like a 2 person job so probably as well to leave the bed unmade or "airing" if you prefer and both remake it when you go to bed with as much fluffing up and smoothing as you want.

Mrsstarlord · 15/04/2015 19:45

I wondered that too FairyCaravan

maliaki · 15/04/2015 21:44

I think maybe you should start a new thread in regards to the passive aggressive behaviour OP. This could well be a symptom of that but no one could advise without knowing about others...

Just make your own side if he does.

Momagain1 · 15/04/2015 21:53

Even if you make up the whole bed, you have to do one side, then go round and do up the other. Not going round and doing up the other is no effort at all certainly is is not extra effort.

istraighten my pillow, pull up the top sheet, and fling the duvet over it. My side done. Our King size is a tight fit, so I usually cant be bother to squeeze round the other side too. If it doesnt bother him, why should it bother me?

That's the real issue. In our house, it wouldnt occur to either of us to think the other meant anything by it because neither of us has strong expectations and there is no policy, other than when new sheets go on, I will do the corners, because they come apart when he does. was there ever a daily bedmaking standard agreed to, and he has ceased? Has he ceased because it was an unstated agreement, and he has just fallen into this habit? Or was it a clear agreement, with history, and therefore he must be doing this on purpose?

Though again, the fact that you have chosen to obsess over it is as worrisome as his not maintaining the previous habit (if it was a clearly defined expectation, not just a habit). There is a problem when you spend time and stress trying to read and interpret every minor action or inaction, rather than have a conversation. It may not be the problem you are imagining, but there is a problem.

beezlebop · 17/04/2015 00:01

Thanks so much for your replies. I am sorry I have not replied earlier it has been a difficult day. Thanks for pointing out that it is odd, to do or to obsess about, I think that you are right and I am noticing it because I am realising that things are not right. He will do this regardless and will come up to make the bed and just do his. I just make it, cos it's never crossed my mind not to. I may sound unsupportive about his diagnosis of depression, I'm not really I'm just maybe realising that you can't blame nastiness on depression. Thanks so much for replying, I have no one to ask if behaviour is reasonable or not and nobody to talk to.

OP posts:
however · 17/04/2015 10:17

What else does he do that strikes you as mean, beez?

beezlebop · 17/04/2015 16:15

He's not happy if we don't have sex often enough. If we don't he moans about me not being affectionate. Eventually he will sleep downstairs and then say I didn't want him upstairs. But I'm on my own. I thought it was me, I don't always feel like it, we don't go weeks without though so maybe it isn't me?

OP posts:
beezlebop · 17/04/2015 16:18

How do I tell though what behaviour is reasonable due to depression and what is not? How do I tell if I should put up with it as I should support him through his illness? How do I know he's just a bastard?

OP posts:
shewept · 17/04/2015 16:33

It sounds to me that you don't believe he has depression or that you think he does but uses it to excuse bad behaviour towards you. Am I correct?

beezlebop · 17/04/2015 17:28

I think he may well actually have it but I have had depression on and off for many years and it doesn't mean I behave badly. I have realised that I have no idea what I should be getting from my relationship.

OP posts:
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