in thinking the National Autistic Society should know better and to complain loudly?

[PissedAS]

This morning I got an email from 'Lucy, mother of Max' titled 'Fancy a coffee?'. I was so surprised. I couldn't think who Lucy or Max were but assumed it must be one of the mums from DS's nursery. I was very excited, opened it up only to find it's fundraising spam from the National Autistic Society.

Why would they do that? They have my details because I've had dealings with them because I am autistic. Like too many autistic people I've never had a friend. Ever. I've never been invited for coffee. Never been to a party other than family, and they often forget me. I've spent my whole life alone, apart from DH and DS. I am crippled by loneliness.

I'm finding it quite difficult to write this without bursting into tears. I think they've done a really shitty thing. Surely they of all people should know better than to use imaginary offers of friendship in this way. It reminds me of school when party invites were given out and I'd be given an empty envelope and then be laughed at.

I hate this 'by any means necessary' fund raising - the manipulative emails and the guilt tripping "if you were a decent person you would be giving me your bank details right now" phonecalls. It feels like the bigger a charity gets, the more mercenary and soulless they become.

I got that email too. I don't know a Lucy or a Max so assumed it was a virus or spam - so I looked at the email properties without opening it.

It would have been far better if the NAS had been explicit about the email coming from the NAS, not this spurious "So and so, mother of X" nonsense. I might even have considered contributing, but I wouldn't now - not seeing the upset it has caused the OP and others in her situation (I don't have an ASD so it didn't affect me in the same way) and the way the NAS has responded, which is unhelpful to the OP, to say the very least!

Ugh, PissedAS, that's horrible tactics and utterly shocked at the NAS identifying your complaint and posting on this thread. Well, I guess it helps us all understand how mercenary they are. And I think you have an army of us now who'd love to have coffee with you if you weren't quite so far away!

I hope that you are ok today.

Hope you're OK op. We are all behind you. I am an adult with autism, also run a marketing team and would never resort to that sort of behaviour via email to get clicks.

Being utterly friendless as a child has left its scars on me too. The important thing is that you are the only one of you in the whole universe and you're here for a reason, warts and all.

I'm sorry you have been treated so badly in the past. You are worth a lot, despite how those people made you feel as a child

Way to go, violating someone's anonymity as well as upsetting them with your direct mail.

I'd call that an own goal, and suggest you say a very brief sorry for invading the OPs personal space in that way, then retire gracefully.

Not on. I know why you did it, I'm a marketeer. But your building brand equity via social networking needs to be done thoughtfully and with boundaries, not sacrificing one persons good will to curry favour with the other readers (which failed anyway).

Nor should your campaigns take a (admittedly, good) insight and mess up on execution. There were a myriad of other ways to activate that insight, I'm baffled why no one thought about their audience from conception to mail out, and it got this far before anyone alerted you to your crass handling of a deeply emotive topic.

Could do better.

And OP, I hope you don't feel too hounded or exposed after this, on top of your original upset

Op hope you are ok?

Has everyone complained directly to NAS and explained that they are cancelling membership if relevant?

I think we all should.

Feel even angrier this morning (and btw I don't personally know anyone with ASD).

NAS do you get anyone from the service side to check your marketing before it goes out? Charities I've worked at usually do, and to be honest, it usually ends up as a compromise between the marketing and service teams,but it does avoid mistakes like this one.
I didn't get the email but was the 'from' field saying NAS or Lucy?

Very thoughtless of them. No wonder you were upset.

Here's something that stands out glaringly to me. The NAS come on this thread, distress the OP further by only addressing her, and yet use "supporters with autism" instead of taking their cues from how the OP describes herself.

Poor show. Shouldn't the flipping NAS be aware of the debate around whether person-first politics can be construed as disablism with regards to ASD? Whichever side one falls on, this is one of those times you refer to someone who is already upset the way they identify, or you put "supporters with autism/autistic supporters [whichever you prefer]", isn't it?

Yy spin, didnt even spot that!

Can not believe they could be so so stupid and clearly have so many thoughtless people working for them without the adequate training into this all.
Cant they see- sending something in order to be opened with optimism by most assuming this is a personal, friendly invite- then seeing- its actually just a deceitful cover for asking for money- would make EVERY single persons heart just sink and/or get upset/angry/bad feeling as a result.

No matter if you have friends or are autistic or not, disguising a piece of rubbish in fancy wrapping paper will always disappoint upon opening it and do the exact opposite of what they are trying to achieve.
I am sick of charities trying such nasty tactics verging on harassment of late, i.e... I text a 1 off £10 donation to Wateraid after seeing an advert, then 2 minutes later get a phone call from them- asking for more money/more often.

Bubgal13, I completely agree.
How does making someone feel tricked inspire any sort of goodwill?

BubGal13 "I am sick of charities trying such nasty tactics verging on harassment of late, i.e... I text a 1 off £10 donation to Wateraid after seeing an advert, then 2 minutes later get a phone call from them- asking for more money/more often."

This is really irritating - I'd like to give in an ad-hoc manner (depending on very variabe income, like a lot of people nowadays!) and a random txt is a good way to do this. But we don't want to be harassed for evermore!

Makes me think of someone I know employed as a chugger, they had people approach them wanting to give money there and then, in cash - they reckoned they'd have made quite a lot if they'd had a collection tin. Trying to raise money by getting people to sign up for direct debits had people running for the hills, of course.

Do charities actually have/use data on the best ways to fundraise? If so, do they take into account admin costs? Why are they coming up with complicated, off putting ways to wrench money from people? I see chuggers making the public flee, whereas tin-rattlers used to get a better reception (and have done where i've seen them more recently.)

And why on earth are they sending out emails intended for the ignorant/unaffected general public to people who have first hand experience of whatever they're raising money for? Why don't they have separate mailing lists for people who have signed up due to receiving their help/being their target group, and people who have donated? So appeals could at least be appropriate, and presumably more effective.

At the charities I've worked at the beneficiaries database is always completely separate to the marketing one, and the marketing people can't even look at it. Sometimes though a beneficiary might make a donation and then they will be on the marketing database, we'd have no way of knowing this, but assume many people have a connection to the cause, so we always use an element of caution.
Cost effectiveness of methods of fundraising, yep we do, in fact it's a requirement now.
With street fundraisers of the direct debit variety they are often an agency, so are door to door direct debit fundraisers usually. A few larger charities are employing their own now so then they have more control over behaviour etc. The charity I work for doesn't use street fundraising for direct debit as it annoys too many people for it to be worthwhile for us. A street collection (tin) licence is different from a street fundraising (direct debit) licence so it can be very difficult to get permission of the council for both at once. It would be good to do both at once though I agree.

I can't comment on the NAS as I've never worked there though

Beyond

You can feel the massive amount of thought that went into trying to salvage the situation, can't you?

I think ZackHunt summed it up: "It reads as if they only support NT parents of ASD DC."

I'm generalising hugely, but I think NT parents tend to prefer "with autism" and it's generally adults who identify themselves as autistic. Or so I have noticed is rows on t'internet, so "with autism" is the NAS's default.

And plenty of adults also prefer person-first for themselves, of course.

element - totally agree - I get randomly accosted quite a lot by chuggers in Australia, but they're apparently not allowed to collect money in a tin, it's got to be a sign up or nothing. So I tell them I don't have a bank account (which is true, I don't) and there's nothing I can do - but if they had had a tin, I could have donated something straight away.

Sally Army are allowed tins though, and there is some cancer trust that sells gift items for cash (lapel pins, badges, flashing wands, that kind of thing) but mostly it's sign up or nothing. Shame really!

Sorry you had this upsetting experience OP.

I am still vexed about the NAS-encouraged dress up to fundraise for them day which was organised at our DS's school, by parents of a child at the school with ASD.

Like many DC with ASD, DS finds this kind of change to his routine (dressing up) challenging, to say the least, and it's upsetting to have the NAS apparently disregard this just so that they can make a bit of cash.

It would do more to raise genuine awareness about (some of) the challenges of living with ASD, imho, for a school to have a non-dress up charity day and explain why.

My email showed up in my inbox as if it was from Lucy, you have to click onto the email to find out it was from the has info team. The idea of getting your family and friends to donate because of their connection to a person with autism has got massive potential to upset those without much RL support. The concept of a together gift they are marketing is a bit naff tbh

I found it quite ironic one day when I encountered a small but loud charity music festival in a town centre, as it turned out to be fundraising for the NAS that year.

Mother of asd teen in the NE, I'm always free for coffee!

I do give money on a monthly basis to another charity (CPL) and would hate the constant stream of letters showing animals in distress. I give money, I don't want to be emotionally blackmailed into giving more. The NAS have played an absolute turnip with this campaign. I hope whoever's bright idea it was is never used again.

What a bunch of cunts.

Ruining the 'highly educated, intelligent women of mumsnet' ethos sorry.

But it's true!

(((hugs OP)))

Wow NAS really out of order!

The email was bad enough but to post on an anonymous thread is shockingly bad on so many levels. You've really messed up. Anyone with an ounce of empathy would know not to do what you've done.

PissedAS I hope you are ok. You are completely in the right and your feelings and reactions are totally understandable.