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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking the National Autistic Society should know better and to complain loudly?

140 replies

PissedAS · 13/04/2015 20:28

This morning I got an email from 'Lucy, mother of Max' titled 'Fancy a coffee?'. I was so surprised. I couldn't think who Lucy or Max were but assumed it must be one of the mums from DS's nursery. I was very excited, opened it up only to find it's fundraising spam from the National Autistic Society.

Why would they do that? They have my details because I've had dealings with them because I am autistic. Like too many autistic people I've never had a friend. Ever. I've never been invited for coffee. Never been to a party other than family, and they often forget me. I've spent my whole life alone, apart from DH and DS. I am crippled by loneliness.

I'm finding it quite difficult to write this without bursting into tears. I think they've done a really shitty thing. Surely they of all people should know better than to use imaginary offers of friendship in this way. It reminds me of school when party invites were given out and I'd be given an empty envelope and then be laughed at.

OP posts:
Morelikeguidelines · 14/04/2015 21:53

The National Autistic Society sent this out knowing that many of the people receiving it might have autism?
That is just so incredibly stupid and inconsiderate.

silverglitterpisser · 14/04/2015 22:53

Yanbu. That is insensitive n thoughtless.

Hope u r ok op Flowers

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/04/2015 22:58

I agree, very poor idea. One of the most reasonable things I have ever read on AIBU!

Goldmandra · 14/04/2015 23:19

The National Autistic Society sent this out knowing that many of the people receiving it might have autism?

Fundraisers are employed by charities for their skills in raising money and they will not necessarily have an in-depth knowledge of the conditions they are that raising money for. I think you need to know a fair amount about Autism and the effect it could have on a parent's social life, in order to realise that this could be a triggering email for quite a few of the recipients.

I hope you get a sensitive and constructive response, OP.

silverglitterpisser · 14/04/2015 23:23

Yanbu. That is insensitive n thoughtless.

Hope u r ok op Flowers

silverglitterpisser · 14/04/2015 23:24

Sorry for dupe, phone gremlins.

ProudAS · 15/04/2015 06:55

I echo what Goldmandra said.

I had a phone call "on behalf of" the NAS asking me to set up a standing order donation. I turned it down on principle but was in a very vulnerable state at the time and didn't complain.

Many people with autism find using the phone difficult and are better off being contacted by email.

Then there's the fact that someone phoning up on behalf of a charity asking for your personal and bank details is probably kosher but why take the risk ! People with autism are often naive and would probably cope less well than the general population with bank details being used fraudulently or with identity theft.

Reddragon116 · 15/04/2015 08:19

Mid Wales/shropshire here - coffee always on ;)

EEVEElution · 15/04/2015 08:36

YANBU, that is so insensitive. Also up for coffee if you're ever in London or I'm in Sweden!

Happy so many mumsnetters are from my home city (MK)!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 15/04/2015 09:55

If they were aiming it at parents it's also thoughtless. My brother has severe autism and growing up we didn't get invited to anything. There's be 'no kids' weddings where other kids were invited for example, quite often. A parent could think this was a rare invite for their child.

I work in the charity sector and had a friend that worked at NAS many years ago. Things might've changed with budget cuts etc but they did used to go on training about autism awareness as they had both NT and staff with ASD in the office. Perhaps the office needs a refresher course!

popalot · 15/04/2015 10:12

I agree - the fundraising department need to have some retraining on autism awareness. I hope you have had a prompt apology.

I can see why they might not have realised it would be upsetting as they were probably looking to invite people who aren't autistic/have autistic children to understand what it's like to be a parent of an autistic child. But that's still not an excuse.

I'm sure the person who thought it up and actioned it feels pretty bad right now.

ArcheryAnnie · 15/04/2015 10:36

PissedAS you are absolutely right, and it was a very poorly-worded email. They of all organisations should be aware of this sort of thing, and I think you would be actively helping them (and other people they emailed, who may also have been upset) by complaining.

I had a similar thing with the NSPCC a while back. I love them and donate regularly, but one Fathers' Day I once got a fundraising spam email from them with the theme "let's celebrate fathers!" And I had to email them and point out that many of their supporters, including me, were donating to the NSPCC because our own fathers were so supremely shitty they wanted to help other children escape similar fathers. So, I wasn't in the mood to "celebrate fathers". To be fair to the NSPCC they put their hands right up to that one, apologised, and I've never had an email like that again.

Koalafications · 15/04/2015 10:56

I'm genuinely surprised that charities would have people working in their fundraising team who have no idea about the people that they are trying to fundraiser for. I would have thought they would have had training.

It just seems like an accident waiting to happen.

Original poster
PissedAS · 15/04/2015 11:38

I've had reply from the NAS and I'm not really sure what to make of it. They apologise profusely for the upset the email caused but then go on to explain why they're raising funds, but don't actually acknowledge that the way they've gone about it is maybe not the best. I feel all confused now and like they don't really get it.

Email saying 'Fancy a coffee?' clearly from the NAS which leads into their fundraising gumph = fine. Email saying 'Fancy a coffee?' disguised as a personal email = cruel.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 15/04/2015 11:48

Pissed I work for a charity supporting people, as team we are always arguing with the fundraising team as their aim is to raise money but whatever means possible Hmm
Sending you a virtual Brew and Cake

Koalafications · 15/04/2015 11:51

Sounds like you got a standard reply or they haven't really read your email.

Personally, I would reply and say that you don't think that they have listened to your feedback/complaint.

almahart · 15/04/2015 11:55

Yanbu OP. I have a child with ASD and this would have pissed me off. It is manipulative and not okay. I'm sorry they haven't recognised that.

Springtimemama · 15/04/2015 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Koalafications · 15/04/2015 12:14

That's just not on springtime. These types of fundraising give charities a bad name.

A friend of mine was called after donating some money through a TV appeal. They asked why she donated and she said because the programme (I think it was Children in Need or similar) and she said because the video had upset her and she had a young DS.

The lady then tried to get her to pay a DD each month to the charity which she said a number of times she couldn't afford and they said "what if your DS got cancer? Would you want help then? If you would you should donate" and were quite rude.

I think there are some very dubious tactics in fundraising.

TheMummalo · 15/04/2015 13:25

Hi OP

I'm autistic too.

Yes the email was throughtless but it's possibly best just to leave it be or get someone else complain to the NAS so it doesn't upset you further.

Easy to say I know...
once I'm wound up I can get stuck that way for days even.

Im sending you a pm about a friendly group for women with Aspergers :)

ProudAS · 15/04/2015 13:38

Could you PM me as well Mumallo

NatAutisticSociety · 16/04/2015 12:58

At the NAS, we were very sorry to find out from this post how much our email had distressed you. Thank you for getting in touch directly with the Supporter Care team and, by now, I hope you have had the email reply from Kiran Chohan, our Supporter Care Supervisor. We also wanted to send you a message via Mumsnet, to ensure our response reaches you and that the many people who have offered you support here will know that we are in contact.

As Kiran explains in her email to you, we do our best to think about our supporters who have autism when we’re sending out emails, and we try to ensure all our communications are interesting, appropriate and readily understood by everyone. Kiran also explained why we’d chosen this particular, personal approach in the name of a mother who’s worked with us on Together Gifts, our new fundraising initiative which was developed in response to families and others with a strong connection to someone with autism who want to be able to make a contribution.

However good our intentions, we completely accept that we can always do better and there is always more we can learn. As explained in Kiran’s email yesterday, if it would be helpful for you, Alastair Graham, our Director of Fundraising and Marketing, would be happy to discuss this further with you. If you want to pursue this, please do contact Kiran via reply to her message yesterday, and we can arrange that at your earliest convenience.

Best wishes
NAS Supporter Care team

OopTheShard · 16/04/2015 13:20

NatAutisticSociety....

I also received your email and have another response I'd like you to consider.

(I'm not autistic but my son has ASC)

ASC isnt a disease. You do not need to (and should not resort to) the manipulative, 'personalised', 'please...wont you help the poor little autistic children' approach implied by your Lucy/Max email and popular with some otsher charities (Save the Children, NSPCC etc).

Its in poor taste. Its insulting to people with autism. I am really quite sick of it.

Koalafications · 16/04/2015 13:47

NatAutisticSociety

Sorry, I still don't see that you have responded fairly.

Are you not going to concede that this was a poorly though out marketing strategy considering not everyone who supports your charity has a child with Autism but may have Autism themselves?

A full and frank apology with an acknowledgement that this marketing strategy was inappropriate is needed, and this clearly hasn't been given yet.

I think those who are in charge of your marketing need to have a much greater knowledge and awareness of Autism. Your marketing team is clearly lacking in this area currently.

AliceLidl · 16/04/2015 13:59

OP that does sound misleading and upsetting.

What does the content actually say?

Are they trying to raise funds through getting people to host a coffee morning or something?

As you say, it sounds like it was easily mistaken for a personal invitation rather than obviously being what it is, a fundraising gimmick. And that's not on.

I wish I was able to invite you for coffee OP Smile Flowers

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