Am I being bridezilla or is DP being unreasonable?

[Junzuki]

We're on early stages of booking our wedding for this time next year. We've booked and paid a deposit on the registra for our chosen day. We've provisionally booked the venue too but to book it properly and confirm, we need to pay a £500 deposit before May 1st.

We have this money sat in bank (saved up for this reason) waiting. DP however says its silly to pay them now when we have a few weeks left and that the money is better in our bank than there's. I think this is ridiculous because we have 100% decided on this specific venue, the registra appointment is booked specifically for this venue and the venue itself only has this one slot available in that month so why not just put the deposit down and have it all official??? Why is he insisting on waiting until the very last minute to exchange money?? Also tonight he said "don't panic, even if we go over that date they'll contact us to let us know".

But we know the date!! Why WOULD we go over it like it's some game of chicken??

Or is he right??

Cold feet? I would be rather concerned he has someone else. He is acting very strangely.

Mimicking your voice and making you out to be difficult because you're wanting to get your wedding booked, is not how any reasonable person would react.

If he's like this now... I would think long and hard as to what he's telling you about him. Far better to have second thoughts npw before you have invested too much more time and emotion on the pillock. You don't deserve to be talked to like that. By anyone, least of all your partner!

He sounds like he doesn't want to get married, but he sounds quite annoying and horrible so you might be better off without him!

My friend held on to her deposit. The venue gave the date to someone else. Her wedding is now in a different venue 9 months after original date & on a weekday.

Yes, fast forward to him imitating your voice to your children and your children confused between laughing at you and wanting to hug you because you're crying.

hmm, so he has no reason not to pay it now, or if he does actually have a reason, he's refusing to tell you, instead belittling you and insulting you. So there's no reason, he's justbeing difficult because he's enjoying winding you up, or he's just being difficult because he's resisting being "told" what to do, even if he knows he needs to do it.

Or he does have a valid reason not to pay it right now, but is chosing not to tell you. That's either that he's scared to tell you his valid reason (perhaps that he doesn't want to get married, or he's spent the money on something and can't replace it until after he gets paid), or he's waiting until it's a much bigger row, and then he'll throw his very sensible reason at you, so he can 'win' the argument. I know people who've done this sort of thing before, it's manipulative, petty, delibrately holding back info, engineering arguments so they can win them, hoping that doing this a few times will mean when they don't have valid reasons, you'll back off pushing to a row as you 'always are wrong'.

I actually would think very carefully if you want to be married to him. He's not engaging in a reasonable conversation, he's dug his heels in about something without giving you a valid reason for it (even if he has a valid reason, the fact he is not telling you it is a red flag). He's not behaving in a rational way, he's not treating you as someone who's opinion he should respect. He's delibrately winding you up. "til death us do part" is a looonnnngggg time with someone who acts like this.

Yet another vote for cancelling your wedding and spending your £500 on something nice for yourself. This man doesn't love you. He appears to hold you in contempt.

Bin him. What a twat.

Bloody hell, why do you want to marry him? He sounds like a right piece of work.

It can hardly be as simple as 'he's a twat - LTB', can it?!

He obviously was keen on marriage at some point (which is more than can be said for my ex!) and I doubt Junzuki was solely responsible for the provisional booking in the first place.

I don't disagree that the fiancé's behaved really badly, but am I alone in thinking it's entirely possible it's 'just' due to jitters?

I dunno, why be so mean though? And belittling?

If he does this now, when they are supposed to be madly in love and planning their wedding, it doesn't bode terribly well for when the going gets tough does it?

I agree MissPronounced. That he has cold feet or no idea how venue reservations or interest rates work does not imply that she should LTB.

When someone's trying to show you their true self, listen.

Not knowing how venue bookings work is one thing - mocking and getting angry at your partner while she tries to sort things out is another story entirely.

YANBU. Better in your bank? Interests rates being what they are, you'll be saving for years to earn anything on it. He is being a douche.

The money to pay for an expense you have already agreed is in YOUR (not a joint) account and he is telling you not to pay until he says so?

YOU shouldnt pay money out of YOUR account?

WTH?

Tell him you have paid it.

Pay attention to the reaction.

By the way the reaction should be 'great babe! Can't wait ' or something similar.

Not acting like a prick and patronising you.

Further up the thread I would have said just pay it yourself but in light of that last exchange I'd be putting the brakes on the whole thing. Sorry op, he's not the one.

Haven't RTFT so it may have been said but even if there's a deadline for the deposit... it's still the deposit. Until you pay that they could give the slot to anyone.

He's being unreasonable (what accessible bank account exists anyway, that can translate 2 weeks interest on £500 into anything like a significant loss?!).

YANBU. It makes complete sense to just pay the deposit now and not risk losing the venue.

His reaction suggests that he's not 100% committed to the reality of this wedding though. Does he actually want to get married? Has he shown any real eagerness to tackle the arrangements or just been a bit of a passenger in the planning process?

How's things, OP?