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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being bridezilla or is DP being unreasonable?

102 replies

Junzuki · 13/04/2015 18:41

We're on early stages of booking our wedding for this time next year. We've booked and paid a deposit on the registra for our chosen day. We've provisionally booked the venue too but to book it properly and confirm, we need to pay a £500 deposit before May 1st.

We have this money sat in bank (saved up for this reason) waiting. DP however says its silly to pay them now when we have a few weeks left and that the money is better in our bank than there's. I think this is ridiculous because we have 100% decided on this specific venue, the registra appointment is booked specifically for this venue and the venue itself only has this one slot available in that month so why not just put the deposit down and have it all official??? Why is he insisting on waiting until the very last minute to exchange money?? Also tonight he said "don't panic, even if we go over that date they'll contact us to let us know".

But we know the date!! Why WOULD we go over it like it's some game of chicken??

Or is he right??

OP posts:
Littlef00t · 13/04/2015 19:17

Haha has a floor = has a flood! I hope it has a floor!

SeasideSunshine · 13/04/2015 19:18

I would sit him down and say something like "Look. This is how it works. We pay the deposit, they save the venue on that date. If you are having doubts about getting married say so now, because I am beginning to wonder what the problem is here."

ApocalypseNowt · 13/04/2015 19:21

My DH once booked a venue for a party but hadn't yet paid the deposit. When he went in to pay it they had booked someone else in...a bigger do they would get more money for.

It does happen so I'd strongly recommend you pay it asap.

Btw do you have access to the money? Can you not just pay it?

Kittykatmacbill · 13/04/2015 19:29

Pay it! I lost our perfect slot by faffing and ended up having a slot an hour later... Sad

shewept · 13/04/2015 19:30

Ask him outright what the problem is. Does he not want to get married? Just ask.

Is this the venue for wedding and reception? I used to organise weddings, have worked for several hotels and we wouldn't have booked over you until the date passed. I would have chased you for the deposit if I had someone waiting and you didn't pay on time.

But some places will book over you if no deposit has been paid and its a more lucrative wedding.

EdSheeransGString · 13/04/2015 19:39

Is it possible he has already spent the money and is trying to put it off so you don't find out?

Momagain1 · 13/04/2015 19:40

Do you have access to the account? Check the balance. Now.

Jackieharris · 13/04/2015 19:41

Can't you just pay it or do you not share finances (bad sign)

Original poster
Junzuki · 13/04/2015 19:44

So I've just said to him rather diplomatically "look I don't see why we're waiting to pay the deposit, it isn't gaining interest in the bank and we have decided 100% on the venue so I'd just feel better about it if we booked it and had everything sorted."

His reply was to tell me I'm unreasonable, I am causing arguments, I am flapping over nothing, I am "going back on what we agreed", I "have decided I'm bored so decided to kick up a fuss over nothing" .... I said numerous times "look we don't need to argue about this, I'm simply saying I'd like to discuss just paying the deposit this week so that everything is official". He said "well I can't be arsed to talk about this anymore, do what you want."

Oh and before this he started mimicking my voice.

Why all that over a simple request?

Any normal man would have just said "I'd rather leave it till x date because *** but it makes no difference to us to pay it this week".

Not that I always want my own way but FFS this is supposed to be OUR wedding, not just mine. I shouldn't have to tip toe around subjects in case he goes off on one.

So angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Junzuki · 13/04/2015 19:45

The money is saved in my savings account. I could just pay it myself whenever but I'm starting to feel like I'm forcing a reluctant into wedding commitments.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 13/04/2015 19:45

Check the balance/that you even have the money first...

I never understand people like this. I have a bill, I pay it immediately. I get an invoice, it gets paid that week. What interest will you earn in the meantime on £500?

Cheby · 13/04/2015 19:46

Are you sure you want to marry him if you're already having arguments where he completely belittles your point of view?

AlternativeTentacles · 13/04/2015 19:46

He is showing you that he is a knob...I'd reconsider the marriage if I were you. Mimicking your voice? How fucking childish.

OrianaBanana · 13/04/2015 19:47

Mimicking your voice and minimising your concerns is a worrying sign... will you be able to have a reasonable discussion about any issues once you're married??

CrapBag · 13/04/2015 19:50

I'm not surprised you're angry. He is being extremely childish and completely unreasonable for no real reason whatsoever!

I'd seriously ask him if he actually wanted to get married because he certainly isn't acting like he does. Is he going to be like this over every little thing? Is his suit going to be last minute because (to him) it doesn't have to be done early?

LaurieFairyCake · 13/04/2015 19:50

Mimicking your voice?

I think you need to have a chat about how want arguments to be resolved in future as that's dreadful.

gamerchick · 13/04/2015 19:51

Personally imo you should cancel and try again in a few years when he's grown up a bit.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 13/04/2015 19:51

That weekend is a Bank Holiday and incredibly popular for weddings. So much so, you are lucky it is still available (yes, even for 2016). If the deposit isnt in soon, the Venue will take a booking for someone who is prepared to pay the deposit.

Id be livid with DP for making such a fuss over it. Id be tempted to say "If the venue is gone by 1st May because you insisted on not paying then the whole thing is off".

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 13/04/2015 19:51

Dh is a procrastinator, his job was to book wedding cars, arrange his kilt and pay stuff.

1 month before the wedding I lost the plot and booked all the cars.

3 weeks before the wedding I went with him to the kilt shop after finding the tartan he wanted and booking it for him. Then forced him to try it on as he was just accepting I had ordered the correct size and was about to leave.

It was infuriating, I was actually quite chilled out prior to this, but it felt like he was just expecting things to just fall into place. Once the big things had been organised.

He's still like this, it's annoying.

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 19:52

Oh, not another one. Taking the piss out of you, controlling you, thinking he is the boss. Can't think why'd you want to marry him.

bunnyhipsdontlie · 13/04/2015 19:53

That's a bad sign. He either doesn't want to get married or is a huge knob. Anyway, you might want reconsider commitment with him

Bambambini · 13/04/2015 19:54

Hand EVERYTHING regarding booking ect over to him. Tell him he can take charge of all the arrangements as you don't want to argue anymore and you need him to do it. Then say nothing at all about the wedding and see if be actually wants to get married.

Jackiebrambles · 13/04/2015 19:54

Ugh, mimicking your voice? He honestly sounds like a wanker. Don't pay the money.

WouldYouLikeACupOfTeaTooMate · 13/04/2015 19:54

Take the 500 and spend it on a holiday. WITHOUT HIM.

auntpetunia · 13/04/2015 19:55

Wow, I hardly ever comment on threads like this but he is so far out of order its unreal, to be honest I wouldn't be that interested in marrying anyone who spoke to me like that. This does not look good for a happy marriage