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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being bridezilla or is DP being unreasonable?

102 replies

Junzuki · 13/04/2015 18:41

We're on early stages of booking our wedding for this time next year. We've booked and paid a deposit on the registra for our chosen day. We've provisionally booked the venue too but to book it properly and confirm, we need to pay a £500 deposit before May 1st.

We have this money sat in bank (saved up for this reason) waiting. DP however says its silly to pay them now when we have a few weeks left and that the money is better in our bank than there's. I think this is ridiculous because we have 100% decided on this specific venue, the registra appointment is booked specifically for this venue and the venue itself only has this one slot available in that month so why not just put the deposit down and have it all official??? Why is he insisting on waiting until the very last minute to exchange money?? Also tonight he said "don't panic, even if we go over that date they'll contact us to let us know".

But we know the date!! Why WOULD we go over it like it's some game of chicken??

Or is he right??

OP posts:

shewept · 13/04/2015 19:55

I think the venue is the least of your problems tbh.

There is obviously something else going on. And he sounds like an arse tbh. A grown man mimicking your voice?

If he is usually lovely, then there is a real problem behind this.

If he acts like this alot....why are you marrying him?

Bambambini · 13/04/2015 19:56

And my niece thought they had booked their perfect venue for their wedding. When they went to put their deposit down the date had gone and they had to have a Sunday wedding a day later instead.

BathtimeFunkster · 13/04/2015 19:57

I could kind of see his point (from years of being married to DH, who I can imagine making the same argument).

But your last post makes him sound like a prick.

Being reluctant to pay a deposit before you need to is not a reason to be so mean.

base9 · 13/04/2015 19:58

I would seriously reconsider this. Is he always this much of an arse if you have a disagreement? And how can you even be having an argument over £500 that you have already agreed to spend?

CalleighDoodle · 13/04/2015 20:00

I think it is reasonable to leave money in my account for longest time possible, rather than pay a big bill early.

However, it really sounds like thats just an excuse. He really sounds like an arse and he will blame you for everything he does wrong.

TheMagnificientFour · 13/04/2015 20:03

Yep I would be very scared that the venue would be booked by someone else too.

Your soon to be DH has a starnge way to look at things. And tbh, is showing some not very nice behaviours there.
Is he always like this so you end up tiptoeing around him or is it just a one off?

bunnyhipsdontlie · 13/04/2015 20:03

It actually sounds like he wants to breakup with you but he is too much of a coward to do so...

GERTI · 13/04/2015 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 13/04/2015 20:09

Male opinion from my DH is that he is being a twat. If it was a couple of months, then fair enough to keep the money in your bank account, but in a couple of weeks, you're talking less than pennies. Not worth it compared to your peace of mind.

I now wonder if the thought of actually booking a date has just made him a bit jittery. Not cold feet necessarily, but a realisation that in effect, this shit just got real! My biggest concern is his refusal to have a sensible discussion about something that's obviously important to you. There will be a lot of things in the wedding planning, and more importantly in your future lives together that need to be thrashed out, and it's worrying that he can't seem to manage that like an adult!

PatriciaHolm · 13/04/2015 20:09

He's the last person I would be rushing into marriage with! Quite frankly I wouldn't be booking anything at the moment. He doesn't sound as if marriage is what he's wanting at all, and his behaviour is beyond arsey. Is this sort of toddler behaviour normal? He sounds as if he's trying to sabotage things, tbh.

quietbatperson · 13/04/2015 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringBreaker · 13/04/2015 20:20

I would have an alarm bell ringing in my head here... it really sounds to me like he doesnt want to commit to the wedding.

I wouldnt be too keen to get it booked myself now if I were you with the way he has behaved today.

MissPronounced · 13/04/2015 20:24

You are not being a bridezilla. He is being unreasonable and unpleasant.

The venue isn't secured until you've paid your deposit - it's as simple as that. If he really wants to get marry you at this venue on the date you've provisionally booked, there's absolutely no reason to delay the payment of the deposit, as far as I'm concerned.

Junzuki, I hope he sees sense, apologises for being difficult and then pays the deposit ASAP :)

flowery · 13/04/2015 20:29

How did this even end up being a discussion? It wouldn't have occurred to me to even check first. I would have just paid it and said to him "By the way I paid the deposit on the venue today". End of discussion.

AlternativeTentacles · 13/04/2015 20:34

The interest on £500 in one month must be about £1.

paxtecum · 13/04/2015 20:36

Junzuki: maybe ask him if he really wants to marry you and maybe have a think about his other bad points.

He doesn't sound very nice tbh.

museumum · 13/04/2015 20:38

Well I wouldn't want to marry him. But if you still do just pay the bloody deposit.

redskybynight · 13/04/2015 20:39

Does he realise it's not gaining any interest if it's in your SAVINGS account? I also don't see the point of paying out money until you have to, but I would make sure it was gaining interest while it was waiting.

SeasideSunshine · 13/04/2015 20:45

Get out while you can. What a knob.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 13/04/2015 20:49

gosh OP, i have to agreee with all the above I'm afriad. Alarm bells are ringing and red flags are out. I think you should seriously reconsider your future with this man who does not listen to your POV and acts like a childish bully to belittle and mock you. Where is the mutual love and respect, the putting someone else first, the bending over backwards to show how much they mean to you? Planning a wedding is stressful, yes, but if you are not working together as a team on this now, what hope of a happy marriage, which is also hard work and stressful and requires compromise at times?

You may have found the perfect venue, but are you sure you have found the perfect man?

AyMamita · 13/04/2015 20:55

Don't pay the deposit now. Not because your DP is right, but because this wedding should not happen!

www.healthy-exchange.com/content/archives/relationships_your_arguing_style_tells_a_lot_about_the_future_of_your_relationship.html

Donatellalymanmoss · 13/04/2015 20:55

Walk away, and don't even look behind you. You are worth more than this, feel lucky that you had such an early warning and have not lost the £500 deposit.

RizzoWasTheBestOne · 13/04/2015 20:57

It doesn't sound like he's very keen.

ScrambedEggAndToast · 13/04/2015 21:00

YANBU. I can't believe he's quibbling over this, in 2 weeks you'd probably get about 12p in interest on £500!! It's laughable.

ImperialBlether · 13/04/2015 21:11

I don't think he sounds like the kind of man I'd want to marry.

Perhaps use this time to reconsider whether you want to tie yourself to this man. It's easier to get out now than to marry him and regret it.

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