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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3 months salary for an engagement ring is a bit bonkers?

126 replies

VenetiaFleet · 11/04/2015 22:42

Was chatting to a friend earlier and she mentioned that the "rule" for buying engagement rings is that the man (she was talking hetero weddings) should spend three months salary on a ring. Apparently this is the done thing but I alone in thinking this is ridiculous? If DP were to ever propose then there's a lot of other things I'd rather he spent three months salary on than a piece of jewellery!

OP posts:
BackOnPlanetEarth · 12/04/2015 11:45

I know they are just lumps of carbon but I do really love my diamonds. I love the fact they are so strong and are just as 'perfect' as the day I bought them even though I garden and DIY with them on. I haven't got bored with them after all the years.

Snog · 12/04/2015 11:55

I think engagement rings are a sexist anachronism and am surprised that women still want them tbh!

OnNobodysSecretService · 12/04/2015 11:56

It's ridiculous having 'rules' - if you love diamonds and are happy with the price then go for it, if not everyone else should feck off out of your business. My engagement ring was £110 and 2nd hand, my wedding ring was half that from Argos and my wedding was less than 3 months min wage salary but I loved them all and would hate 3k min sat on my finger, I'd like it in the bank or spent on a holiday - everyone should be left to choose. Hope the diamond monopoly disappears asap, it's mad - I read something saying if DeBeers released all the diamonds they're holding the price would drop to less than an eighth it currently is!

WibblyWobblyHead · 12/04/2015 11:58

Mine was only a hundred pounds as we don't have a lot of money and I'm very happy with it, if you truly love your partner the ring is not what's important Smile

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/04/2015 12:03

I paid for all three of our rings. The three of them together were 3 months salary.

RJnomore · 12/04/2015 12:10

I picked a vintage ring, Victorian style with opals (unlucky) and rubies. We've outlasted all the friends who had rocks at the same time and it cost very very little. It is beautiful though, I don't wear it much now but I love it.

In hankering for a baguette cut emerald and diamond art deco ring at the moment, I might just buy it for myself Grin

ebwy · 12/04/2015 12:15

my engagement ring cost less than £100. It isn't a diamond, I prefer blue stones and my fiance knows that.

Never mind how much it costs, the right ring is always the one your partner will love (not just beause you bought it, but would love anyway) which is in your budget and won't leave you unable to pay essential bills.

had my fiance spent a month or three's wages on a diamond for me I'd have a ring I would be worried to wear rather than thrilled to wear, and would have had to lie to him about how gorgeous it is.

(his is one he chose, and cost less than £50 - because he liked that one best)

Bogeyface · 12/04/2015 12:22

Jewelry was one of the few things a married woman could own in her own right until the Married Womans Property Act in the mid 1800's. Previously everything in the marriage, including the wife and any children "belonged" to the husband, including any property owned by the wife prior to the marriage. If there was a divorce then all the wife would be left with was her personal property of clothes, some household goods and her jewelry, it could be all that stood between her and utter destitution. A well to do father arranging his daughters marriage would ensure that she got a decent amount of jewelry and personal property as well as more than the standard "widows third" if the husband died, to ensure she could support herself and any dependent children.

So while De Beers did invent the "tradition" of a months salary, the idea of investing in jewelry in case of future problems was not invented by them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/04/2015 13:06

I'm old enough for the 'rule' to have been one month's salary (that's inflation for ya! Grin).

But the 'rule' was always a myth - www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-27371208 covers it quite well.

Purplepixiedust · 12/04/2015 13:39

I thought the rule was 1 month. 3 months seems a bit much.

I got engaged 14 years ago. The budget was 500 (so less than a month) and we went together to choose. The one I liked best was 200 so that's the one I had Smile

Your friend is being greedy.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 12/04/2015 13:59

Dowser, I understand the getting lost thing. DP went to an Easter piss-up with work and his ring ended up slipping off his finger when leaving a bar. He apparently realised, enlisted the help of the two colleagues he had with him, and then spent £60 on drinks to say thank you for them helping him find it. Hmm

I swear his finger shrinks and swells more than any normal person's.

MsDragons · 12/04/2015 14:15

My engagement ring cost £25, its silver with tiny emeralds and came from eBay. I love it, its what I chose, and I feel comfortable wearing it all the time. It's easy enough to replace if anything happens to it.

Our entire wedding will cost less than 3 months salary. I think it will cost less than 1 months salary, actually, including everything. I'd rather spend that money on a kitchen Grin

FromSeaToShining · 12/04/2015 14:16

Personally, I think any amount of money spent on an engagement ring is too much. I wanted nothing at all to do with the tradition of an engagement ring. It raises my feminist hackles far too much.

Obviously, many people feel differently. If you want to spend thousands of dollars on a ring, why not? Shrug.

FromSeaToShining · 12/04/2015 14:17

Or thousands of pounds or euros, for that matter. :)

ApocalypseThen · 12/04/2015 15:53

My engagement ring is probably close to four months salary, which is a lot of money. But I love it. It's beautiful, my own design, I've never seen anything like it. I love diamonds anyway, and always wanted a flashy diamond ring. So I paid for the majority of its value myself. Very happy to do it too, I really enjoy wearing it and I'm pleased to have something unique and of value to leave to my daughter when I pass.

Fleecyleesy · 12/04/2015 16:03

Depends what's important to people. Some people like jewellery. I can't stand jewellery so I didn't get an engagement ring. Plus we had no money at all when we got married!

noisytoys · 12/04/2015 18:10

My engagement ring bought recently was less than half a month salary and still £££. Spending three months salary on a ring seems bonkers especially when there is so many other things the money could be spent on.

Ginmartini · 12/04/2015 18:18

Blimey I bloody LOVE diamonds and got the biggest one my fiancé could afford (approx month's salary) and have upgraded since!

I think I have a very American attitude to diamonds and engagement rings Wink.

That said, I'd sell it in a flash if we needed money and if we hadn't had the money for the rings, then I'd have settled for tin foil. As I do like my dh Smile

dragdownthemoon · 12/04/2015 18:21

I bought my own ring and it was significantly less than one month of my salary! It was about 20% of my monthly salary. I love it.

Yes I think 3 months salary would be bonkers, personally. But then I am not all that into jewellery or monetary value of stuff iyswim

Summerisle1 · 12/04/2015 18:25

I've never had an engagement ring. I don't like most of the more traditional ones on my hand. However, I'd faint dead away at the idea of spending the equivalent of 3 months income on either my wedding ring or my eternity ring. Both together only cost about half a month's salary and my wedding ring being vintage anyway. I don't have the lifestyle or the courage to be wearing thousands of pounds worth of rings!

nooka · 12/04/2015 18:52

I can't remember what dh was earning when we got my engagement ring, probably not a huge amount. A bit immaterial in any case as I paid for it. It wasn't the best of experiences anyway as we ended up having a bit of a row on the day as I didn't like any of the rings he picked out (we went shopping together). I don't really wear jewelery and hated both the big chunky 'standard' rings and the goth/metalish ones he liked. By the time I finally saw a little ring I liked (three tiny diamonds on a twisted braid of gold) he was pretty pissed off. It cost forty pounds and I wore it for many years until I stopped wearing rings.

My BIL and SIL have matching engagement rings, he has a signet with a tiny diamond. Always thought that was rather cool.

Morelikeguidelines · 13/04/2015 08:38

I think it is ridiculous. You are about to get into a marriage where you are sharing money. Therefore if the man blows huge amounts on a ring he is blowing your money effectively.

Morelikeguidelines · 13/04/2015 08:39

Nb we were very poor when we got engaged so may be affecting my view of things!

Lottapianos · 13/04/2015 08:48

'I think engagement rings are a sexist anachronism and am surprised that women still want them tbh!'

Completely agree.

The 'rules' about what to spend (and what a ghastly concept in the first place) vary from place to place. DeBeers started the one month thing. Among my sister's friends (middle class professionals in Ireland) its 3 months salary. Someone I knew a few years ago who was from Texas said it was 6 months salary! Obscene.

Lottapianos · 13/04/2015 08:50

'You are about to get into a marriage where you are sharing money. Therefore if the man blows huge amounts on a ring he is blowing your money effectively.'

And this too! Just think what all those thousands could buy for the two of you together, whether that's a lovely holiday or a new kitchen or stick it on the mortgage or whatever