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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3 months salary for an engagement ring is a bit bonkers?

126 replies

VenetiaFleet · 11/04/2015 22:42

Was chatting to a friend earlier and she mentioned that the "rule" for buying engagement rings is that the man (she was talking hetero weddings) should spend three months salary on a ring. Apparently this is the done thing but I alone in thinking this is ridiculous? If DP were to ever propose then there's a lot of other things I'd rather he spent three months salary on than a piece of jewellery!

OP posts:
Cantbelievethisishappening · 11/04/2015 23:00

YANBU
I would have gone mad if DH had spent that much

Frasras11 · 11/04/2015 23:00

3 months salary!! Honestly I'd take a fecking Haribo jelly ring I've waited so long for DP to propose!

Seriously YANBU. I'd be worried I'd lose it. When he does get round to popping the question id be happy with one that costs a couple of hundred. Like you say, there's other things to spend that sort of money on.

ThatBloodyWoman · 11/04/2015 23:04

Yanbu.
I didn't have an engagement ring and my wedding ring was a cheap one from Argos.
Expensive jewellery is pretty pointless imo.
There's some gorgeous,unusual,and cheap dress jewellery about.

lomega · 11/04/2015 23:10

Personally I couldn't give a fuck what DH spent on my engagement ring because it looks lovely and HE chose it for ME and bought it himself. Whether he paid it off in a day or a year is up to him but I don't care because it's him I married, for reasons beyond some metal on my finger.

sansou · 11/04/2015 23:17

I got engaged when I was 25 and studying for a Masters degree. DH was working FT and doing his MBA PT so we were skint! We went to the jewellery quarter in Brum to select a stone and custom design my ring (got more for our money as opposed to buying it from your normal high st jeweller). DH spent just under one month's salary.

Patapouf · 11/04/2015 23:23

I thought it was supposed to be 1.5 months wages?
DH spent about a weeks pay on mine, but he was earning quite a bit then. I don't even wear it so that was a waste!

justonemoretime2p · 11/04/2015 23:27

Ok I'm in, been with DP for almost 6 years havent proposed yet. What should I spend? I know the sort of engagement ring and I already have the wedding ring.
Help me.

ladyrosy · 11/04/2015 23:33

I haven't a clue how much mine is worth. DP knows I would worry about carrying something of value. I asked him to make sure the house insurance covers it (he says it does), and I haven't checked the policy or the store website to get vague indications of how much it is worth.

I don't take it on holiday, and I am currently not wearing it as I don't want to take it to hospital when our baby is born (due date is today!).

All I need to know is he wants us to be together. The financial bit doesn't do anything other than worry me.

BackforGood · 12/04/2015 00:04

Does your 'friend' have shares in a ring business? Wink

Seriously ?? Surely everyone getting engaged has FAR better things to spend 3 months salary on than a ring.
If you have a low income, then money would be so tight anyhow, you'd need it for other things.
If you were fabulously rich, then you could get some serious bling with only a fraction of one month's salary.
In nobody's world (except the people selling the rings) does it make sense to spend that much.

scarletforya · 12/04/2015 00:08

Three months salary might be only six grand. That's nothing when buying diamonds.

AuntieStella · 12/04/2015 00:09

"Agree with pp, tradition is one month salary no?"

No, definitely and utterly no.

There is no 'tradition' about this.

Just the long shadow of a diamond company's advertising slogan.

Philoslothy · 12/04/2015 00:09

I have no engagement ring, I love looking at my "empty" finger. It reminds me of how in love we were and despite the odds how desperate we were to get married

BackforGood · 12/04/2015 00:12

Three months salary might be only six grand. That's nothing when buying diamonds

"Only" ????

If your monthly salary is "only" £2K, then you are unlikely to have that much 'spending money' once you've paid your housing costs, utilities, council tax, insurances, travel, fuel, food, and other necessary living expenses though.
Engagement rings don't have to have some massive or any diamonds in them, either.

Gruntfuttock · 12/04/2015 00:15

I didn't have an engagement ring at all. I didn't care then, and I don't care now. It's not what a happy marriage and a fulfilling life is about.

Maliceaforethought · 12/04/2015 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonaldMcDonald · 12/04/2015 00:41

I'd say it's the thought that counts and her thought is 3 mths

I think engagement rings are dullsville

MrsCakesPrecognitionisSwitched · 12/04/2015 00:46

Mine cost about a month's salary (not deliberately) - we went and chose it together. DH spotted it before I did and we both loved it.
Then he haggled 15% off.
That's my boy.

AuntieDee · 12/04/2015 00:48

Wasn't the whole idea from when people didn't live together before getting engaged and it was the man's way of proving that he could save and didn't fritter his money away even though it could be argued a diamond is just that. Nowadays it's a bit irrelevant - I'd rather have a cheap ring and the bills paid ;)

TowerRavenSeven · 12/04/2015 01:02

I've heard for years it is three months. Dh does well and three months salary would buy a very very impressive ring! I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now - you should spend what you can comfortably afford IMO.

DianeLockhart · 12/04/2015 01:08

Three months salary on a ring is ridiculous IMO but then I'm not into big weddings either. I'd rather spend the money on other things. I find it very shallow when people make comments like this and I think less of them tbh.

Sazzle41 · 12/04/2015 01:29

I and everyone i asked thought it was a traditionally, a month? 3 is bloody steep/a bit much I think: unless you are loaded and to you x3 is small change. I could get something really nice for a month's money and i dont earn a huge amount I think. A couple of women i work with had rings that were a month's salary or thereabouts and they are gorgeous, dont look cheap or nasty at all... Or is it a passing wedding fashion, like 'themed' weddings (shudder) and choreographed dancing down the aisle (shudders again).

VikingVolva · 12/04/2015 02:15

No tradition of 'a month's salary'. Any more than there is a tradition that you must sing when using Shake n Vac, or believe spacemen introduced Smash.

Just an advert.

cuntyMcCunterson · 12/04/2015 02:23

In the "olden days" it was traditional for it to be ONE months wages, never heard of it being 3months to be honest!
As a PP has stated how would she know the cost? I only found out the cost of mine when the jewellers sent the certificate thing to me instead of my then fiancé.
Now I think you should only spend what you can afford. It's the meaning of the ring not the cost that matters

Athrawes · 12/04/2015 03:22

The "tradition" was invented by De Beers Diamonds and is therefore about as meaningful a tradition as Cadburys eggs at Easter.

I have a diamond engagement ring and love it. When we collected it from the jeweler I took off the copper plumbing olive which DH had made for me and swopped it for The Diamond.
The jeweler said that the piece of copper was by far the more precious and that I should treasure it.